He’s great and all, but you have a sneaking suspicion you enjoy your dates more than he does. Paranoid? Not if he’s showing these 13 signs that he’s not sure about you. If these things seem familiar, it’s time to GTFO.
He says he “had a great time, but…” When you leave a date with him, he texts you a few hours later saying that he had a fantastic time. That makes you think he’s keen to see you again, but then he doesn’t make plans to see you. Um, what?? His words and actions just don’t match.
He’s dragging his feet. You’ve gone out for more than several dates and he still hasn’t said anything about making your relationship official or being exclusive. He’s not sure about you and might even tell you that straight up or just claim that he’s “not into labels.” In other words, he’s just not into you enough. “Some people may choose not to label their relationship because they’re afraid of being tied down too quickly or in a place where they feel trapped,” relationship therapist Shena Tubbs, MMFT, LPC, CSAT-C, tells mbg. “However, one should understand that you maintain full autonomy of yourself in every relationship you’re in, and you are the one who is responsible for communicating what you need, what you want, and what you don’t want. So if you feel you’re at a place where you cannot (or don’t want) to date one person exclusively, that should be communicated to your partner so that [they] can make a decision about whether that works for them.
He doesn’t want to change his status. You’ve been dating for a while but he’s still listed as “single” on Facebook. What’s up with that? This is a classic sign that he’s not interested in taking things further or he’s in limbo about the relationship. But screw that. You want things to progress or stop completely—hanging around waiting for things to become official is such a waste of your time.
He doesn’t make the extra effort. You want to be around a guy who makes you feel like a queen. This guy doesn’t look at you like he’s smitten. He doesn’t care about you on dates. He doesn’t even bother to bring the car around when it’s raining outside. Ugh. It’s those little things a guy should do to make you feel special that he skips every time.
He blows hot and cold. So, what keeps you hanging around? Although he sometimes blows cold, there are times when he turns up the heat in a big way. He can be charming, lovable, and totally interested in you. It’s infuriating! Mixed messages suck, but just because he’s all over the place doesn’t mean you need to be dragged into his confusion.
He’s frustratingly mysterious. At first, it was sexy that he was such a mysterious guy, but now it’s plain annoying. He keeps his emotions locked up inside and answers your questions with vague responses. If he was 100% sure about having you in his life, he’d be opening up and letting you in.
More signs you need to GTFO
He tests you. This is a weird one, but it’s almost like he’s frustrated with himself for not knowing if he wants you or not, so he’ll find ways to test you to see if you’re worth dating. It’s like he hopes it’ll help him decide. For instance, he might suggest eating snails on a first date or going bungee-jumping to see how you react. If it feels like the guy’s trying too hard to take you out of your comfort zone, it’s a red flag. Leave him because you don’t need to jump through hoops to impress anyone.
You’re left feeling confused after dates. You should be feeling good when you drive home after a date with the guy, but you’re feeling confused. You find yourself picking through things he said for evidence that he likes you and wants to see you again, but they never add up. That’s because he’s not giving you clear messages.
He checks out when you’re together. He’ll regularly whip out his phone and text other people during dates. Even when his phone’s not on the table, he’ll look distracted AF. What’s up with this guy? It’s like he’s never completely immersed in the moment. You deserve a guy who gives you real attention, and this one isn’t it. Time to GTFO.
He uses the wrong labels. When a guy tells you that he wants to “hang out” with you instead of go on an actual date with you, it’s a sign that he’s just not interested enough. Totally unacceptable.
You’re last on his list. He’s not consistent. He doesn’t always reply to your texts. He makes promises to see you, but then other stuff gets in the way. Geez, how far down are you on his list of priorities? You should be with a guy who’ll clear his schedule for you and make time to call you. It’s really not a lot to ask for.
He mocks love. When you watch a rom-com together, he’s quick to say how cheesy it is or that he’s not romantic at all. When you tell him about your friend’s emotional love story, he rolls his eyes or tells you that love’s overrated. Is he joking or what? You should take it seriously. A guy who brings love down in your presence is really saying, “Don’t expect more than casual dating from me.”
He’s way too sane. You want to date a guy who’s crazy about you. You want him to be a little nervous about asking you out and going on a first date with you. You want a guy who blurts out how he feels about you and takes a chance instead of hesitating or making you second-guess him constantly. You deserve a guy who knows what he wants and that you’re the one for him. You want the big love, not something lukewarm, which is the only thing an unsure guy can give you.
Why you need to walk away from a guy who’s not sure about you
You’ll start to feel resentful. While you might tell yourself that it’s worth sticking around to see if he’ll suddenly wake up one day and decide he’s head over heels for you, that’s unlikely to be the case. Unless you GTFO now, you’re only going to end up feeling hurt and resentful in the end. “You’ll keep working and working, thinking if you do this and that the relationship will get better or simply survive,” relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle. While it may seem harmless to put a bit more effort into your relationship, this can cause resentment to grow even if you’re not aware of it. “That feeling of resentment is a surefire sign that you’re working too hard to make something work,” she says. “You’re basically working alone on a project that isn’t right for you.”
You’re selling yourself short. By sticking around for a guy who’s only lukewarm about you, you’re missing out on one that thinks he’s the luckiest guy in the world to have crossed paths with you. You’ll start to believe that this half-baked attempt at dating is all you’re worthy of, and it’ll eat away at your self-worth over time. You deserve so much better than that.
You’ll end up forcing things and coming off as desperate. You have so much to offer a potential partner, so why are you begging for scraps? “Forcing a relationship means three things,” says Rachel Perlstein, LCSW, relationship coach and co-founder of A Good First Date. “It means that one or both partners feel like the relationship is taking a lot of effort, that either you or your partner’s needs aren’t being met, and that the relationship feels stuck. When one person or the couple is forcing the relationship, things may feel like a constant struggle with competing needs and perspectives coupled with a lack of compromise.” Does that really seem like fun to you?
Relationships are supposed to be fun. Especially in the early stages, the overwhelming feeling you should have around this guy is one of excitement and joy. If you’re experiencing more anxiety and upset, it’s pretty clear things aren’t right here. You shouldn’t have to agonize over whether the guy likes you or if he’s just going to up and ghost you one day once he decides he’s actually not feeling it. If you’re not having fun, you need to GTFO.