13 Signs You’re In A “Velcro Relationship”

It’s not always easy to tell the difference between a guy who really likes you and a guy who’s a clingy mess, especially when some of his actions appear to be great boyfriend behavior. Is your BF smothering you? Here are 13 signs he’s actually coming on too strong and has a hidden agenda.

  1. He’s too damn perfect. He seemed like the perfect catch before you met him and lived up to that hype on the first date. Now it’s been six months of dating and he never seems to show you any negative traits. WTF is up? No one’s perfect or great all the time—he’s working super hard to be what you need so you stick with him. But his mask is going to start slipping real soon…
  2. He texts every hour. You used to love chatting with him regularly, but now it’s becoming way too much. He’s always firing up your phone with texts and calls, and sometimes sending the dreaded “checking in” messages. Ugh.
  3. He tells you he loves you all the time. It’s wonderful to express love for your partner and hear him say those three words back, but this guy’s always telling you he loves you. Those words end every conversation, whether in text or RL. Geez! They’re starting to lose their meaning.
  4. He doesn’t have his own interests anymore. He’s always down to do what you want to do, and many of your hobbies have become his. Um, where’s the guy? Why’s he trying so hard to be like you? It’s starting to get creepy.
  5. He needs you. He knows you’re busy, but he wanted to chat with you about something real quick. He needs your support, your love, your attention. God, it’s like he’s a toddler! When a guy can’t seem to sort his act out and needs you for everything, he’s depending on you too much. Claustrophobia!
  6. He gets annoyed when you steal the spotlight. When you need something or want his attention, he sulks or looks annoyed, or just talks over you. Ugh. This is his way of wanting you to be the way he wants you to be. He’s not actually in love with you, he just wants to control you, and that means getting all your attention.
  7. He wanted to meet your folks ASAP. He was eager to meet your parents really early in the relationship. You thought that was a good thing, perhaps a sign that he was looking for something serious, but if he’s showing other smothering behavior, meeting your folks too soon was probably a way for him to get attached to you by building relationships with those closest to you.
  8. He doesn’t feel like seeing your friends. It’s weird—he was so eager to meet your loved ones, but now that you’ve been dating for a few months, he never wants to see them. He claims he’s really busy or tired, every single time you want him to hang with your friends. He might even talk smack about them. WTF? He got their approval and now doesn’t need to make an effort anymore. He might also hope to put you off them so that you can revolve your world around him.
  9. He keeps asking if you’re okay. He’s always checking that you’re happy and in a good mood, even when you haven’t given him any reason to think otherwise. If he’s always analyzing you or wanting validation from you, you might start to feel like you’re a bug under a microscope. Ugh. It’s controlling, not caring.
  10. He compliments you all the time. You’re gorgeous, sexy, you have such pretty eyes, you make him feel like no one ever has… These are great compliments but do they feel sincere? If he’s always complimenting you, instead of taking the time to get to know you, it feels like he’s paying you lip service or the compliments come up as a way to distract you when you’re angry at him. Dodgy. The guy’s not smitten—he’s a smotherer!
  11. He’s the “me too” kind of guy. He never seems to disagree with you. He shares the same likes and dislikes. Sure, this common ground can and does happen when you meet a likeminded person, but this guy’s trying way too hard to be your perfect catch, hoping you’ll fall hard for him.
  12. He showed up at your place of work. He wanted to surprise you with flowers, so he rocked up at your workplace or came to your house late at night. It’s not romantic if you didn’t tell him where you worked or mentioned where you live but have never invited him over. This guy’s crossing a line.
  13. He’s totally over the top. Romance is great and all, but if he’s going to extremes to try to impress you when he doesn’t even know you—think hot air balloon rides or talking about going to Paris together – his behavior is actually pretty damn creepy. He wants to lock you down into a relationship. Ugh, has he never heard of the slow burn? Come on!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.