You’re used to hearing about red flags in potential partners, but what about green flags? While it can be easy to focus on qualities that you aren’t looking for (like someone who is rude to servers and is a commitment phobe), it’s also helpful to think about the kind of person you are looking for. When you head out on your next date or meet a compelling person at a party, here are 15 green flags to keep in mind.
1. They have a few good friends, but not a huge social circle.
It seems like a good sign when someone has a huge friend group, right? They’re clearly friendly, and likable, and get invited to parties all year long. But there’s something to be said for someone who has a few friends they’re truly close to. They might prefer grabbing a coffee or beer with one friend rather than going to a big gathering. This proves that they value meaningful relationships over acquaintances and want to find genuine connections.
2. They don’t have a perfect career path.
The perfect partner has worked at the same company for a decade and has risen through the ranks. They’ve gotten promotions, raises, and get along with all their co-workers…or maybe not. While it’s great when someone has this kind of resume, most people don’t have a linear career journey, and that’s okay. Someone is more interesting and well-rounded when they’ve been rejected from dream jobs, tried out different industries, and eventually found the right fit.
3. They’re close to their family (but not too close).
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While everyone hopes to become close to a partner’s family, sometimes someone’s life can revolve around their relatives…and not in a good way. If a potential partner hangs out with family regularly and has some sweet traditions, from Sunday dinners to holiday brunches, that can add a lot to your life. Just make sure your relationship isn’t only family stuff.
4. They know the difference between optimism and toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity at work can be harmful since it ignores legitimate problems and negative feelings—the same thing is true in a romantic context. You definitely want to look for a partner who is optimistic, but they should be realistic about the ups and downs of life. If someone is all about toxic positivity, they’re just going to shrug your problems off and they won’t be a helpful or compassionate sounding board when things go wrong.
5. They have at least one hobby.
Whether you read 80 books a year, have an epic garden, or are learning to knit, you know that your hobbies make you a more engaging, cooler person. Do you want to date someone without any interests? A potential partner should be curious about the world and a fan of something.
6. Their lifestyle fits with yours.
Although it’s a bit of a cliche when someone shares their love of travel on a dating app, there’s no denying that some people have wanderlust in their hearts and others love their comfy couches, Netflix, and snacks. Maybe you’re a huge traveler and want the same, or maybe you’re fine with a less adventurous partner. No matter what you’re looking for, finding a lifestyle match is key.
7. They have a similar money mindset.
A survey by Royal London discovered that couples argue over money more than other things. If you love saving every paycheck and thrive on finding deals on groceries and new clothes but your partner throws caution to the wind and spends every penny, that could be a problem. Approaching finances the same way will result in less conflict and also make you feel more comfortable and secure.
8. They’re emotionally mature.
It would be awesome if everyone was emotionally mature. But of course, most people have struggled through past relationships where communication wasn’t prioritized. An attractive potential partner is going to be someone who’s in touch with their feelings, isn’t afraid to share them, and makes space for yours, too.
9. They don’t complain all the time.
If you’re searching for the right partner, it’s a green flag when someone isn’t constantly groaning. Everyone gets irritated by spilled coffee, a late subway train, or a stressful work email. You want to start a relationship with someone who doesn’t sweat the small stuff and who doesn’t turn every conversation into a litany of complaints.
10. They’ve found a healthy way to de-stress.
Daily life can be anxiety-inducing, and it’s attractive when someone has figured out a positive way to combat that. Maybe they have a favorite meditation instructor on the Calm app, enjoy a hot cup of coffee and a good book before work, or go for a walk every day. If someone has added some peaceful activities into their routine, this proves that they’re content with their life.
11. They’ve made a clear decision about marriage and kids.
A lot of relationships end because one partner wants to get married and start a family and the other isn’t sure. There’s nothing more devastating than getting serious with someone only to realize that you never had a serious discussion about the future and you’re on opposite pages. If you start dating someone who is confident about what they want, that makes you more compatible and prevents heartbreak.
12. They tell you where their last relationship went wrong.
When someone can own up to why their most recent relationship ended, especially if they explain the part they played in the breakup, that’s impressive. It also shows that they’ve moved on from their past partner, have learned from their mistakes, and are ready for something new.
13. They have the same relationship style as you.
Some couples are attached at the hip and do everything together. Others like more independence. No matter where you fall, you probably want to be with someone who approaches relationships the same way you do. Otherwise, your partner will be upset when you don’t want to be around them 24/7, or you might be hurt when they want to go on a camping trip alone every month.
14. They share the same political beliefs.
There’s nothing more awkward than drinking wine at a bar and realizing the person sitting across from you has completely opposite beliefs. Since politics are such a big part of life, it’s a good idea to date someone who votes the same way and has the same values. Otherwise, you’re likely looking at a lot of conflict down the road.
15. They’re Type A when you’re go-with-the-flow (or vice versa).
It might be corny to say that opposites attract. Still, it can be helpful to find a partner who has a different kind of personality. If you’re an organized planner who doesn’t like when last-minute mishaps happen, a flexible and chill person will be good for you (even if it’s a bit frustrating at first). On the other hand, if you’re more casual and your partner likes to schedule everything, they can help you grow. If you and your partner are too similar, the relationship might get a little stale and boring.
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