Most of us have strong memories of being the gawky kid at school watching all the popular people get ahead. Now that everyone has grown up, it’s very clear who is cool, calm, and collected and who isn’t. It’s not about who has the fanciest clothes or the nicest car — it’s more about how someone carries themselves that makes them stand out. With that in mind, here are 15 traits and habits of men who are naturally self-assured.
1. They keep in touch with their sensitive side.
Self-assured men can only achieve that state of being by understanding their own emotions and doing a lot of self-reflection on their previous actions and mistakes. Checking in with their vulnerable side ensures that they can be balanced and have perspective on the trials and tribulations of everyday life.
2. They’ve screwed up royally and learned from it.
Men who are naturally self-assured weren’t born that way, they earned it through years of making mistakes and learning from them. Their past selves have caused hurt, but rather than linger on that and feel shame, they can use it in a productive way to keep growing. They practice positivity, in other words.
3. They’re emotionally-aware.
Men who know where they belong in the world are at ease — it means they have plenty of time to kill reading, catching up on politics, and seeing their friends. This enables them to read other people really well and understand what makes them tick. Self-assured men are great in relationships, if that wasn’t clear.
4. They know how to meet your needs.
Self-assured guys don’t necessarily have all the answers, but they do know how to research and ask questions to understand you better. They treat you as equals and they know what you’re asking for even when you aren’t saying any words. It’s a magic power.
5. They can put their egos aside.
Pride and ego can be attractive in men in the short term, but when those traits evolve into repression and aggression, that’s no use to anyone. Self-assured men are known for their ability to put their ego aside and be humble. People have left relationships because of their ego so hang on to a man who can put his aside.
6. They know to ask if they need help.
Years of experience struggling alone will help a self-assured man know that he has resources to draw on when he’s down bad. When the world seems like it’s against them and they’re embroiled in a silent struggle, men who are confident in themselves know they can always ask for help.
7. Their friends support them.
Green flag alert! When a man has a strong group of supportive and emotionally-aware friends around him, this is a tell-tale sign that he is one of the good ones. When he can articulate himself to his friends without just silently watching whatever game is on, you know that he really understands quality time and real friendship.
8. They know they can take space without hurting people’s feelings.
Self-assured men know that asking for space doesn’t mean that they never want to see their friends or family again. This powerful knowledge ensures that they can refresh and replenish their social resources by saying “no” and can avoid burnout later on. It means that a self-assured man will never play games — will others do, he doesn’t need to.
9. They’re compassionate and kind.
With self-assurance comes kindness, empathy, and respect. What they give out, they receive back. Indeed, it’s most often that men who are mean-spirited and jealous are insecure and self-conscious. Makes sense!
10. Change doesn’t concern them.
The world would be a better place if everyone had the same resilience and adaptability that people who are self-assured have. They can always consider the context and necessity of change as an important part of growth. These men will be the first to remind you to take the risk.
11. They were popular when they were younger.
Self-assurance is typically a learned skill and it helps when one’s childhood is filled with popularity. Growing up with that affirmation helps build those skills in later life. Plus, they don’t have to un-learn anxieties from having been distinctly unpopular when they were younger — it can really screw people over!
12. They don’t stress the details.
When men have seen enough of the world, they have the self-assurance to not be swayed by the little details. They have faith that things will turn out alright because they always have. They have a habit of keeping a cool head in challenging situations.
13. They’re naturally trusting of other people.
When men are self-assured, they’re not looking for trouble. They naturally trust the people around them and know how to weed out those who don’t have their best interests at heart. They don’t carry around past betrayals or hold grudges — they give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
14. They see everything as an opportunity.
When you’re open to change, everything is an opportunity, even if it feels like a challenge or a step backwards. Self-assured men trust in their own abilities and adaptability and they know they’ll find a solution in the end. They don’t get bogged down by negativity or despair during tough times.
15. They grew up with privilege.
Much like growing up popular, when men grow up with privilege, they rarely hear “no” and are used to doors being opened for them. It gives them a natural ease and likability because they aren’t defensive, anxious, or always aware of money. Whether it’s right or not, privilege is a huge trait for guys who are brimming with confidence because they know that if things go wrong, there’s always a safety net.
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