15 Qualities That Downgrade A Guy From Boyfriend To Fling

15 Qualities That Downgrade A Guy From Boyfriend To Fling ©iStock/m-gucci

Once in a blue moon, we meet a guy that we’re totally interested in at the start of a date, but by the end of the night, we can’t imagine anything with him except maybe a one-night stand. Guys might be confused about why they’ve been downgraded from boyfriend material to merely fling-worthy, so here’s a handy guide for them to keep in mind:

  1. You’re emotionally stunted. There are very few things that will shut down a girl’s interest in a serious relationship with a guy like the feeling that you have major issues. If you’re still acting like you’re a 5-year-old, still refusing to admit fault when you’ve made a mistake, or if you’re acting extremely insecure, the best you can hope for is a fling. The good news is that showing emotional maturity for a long period of time can help her get over this issue with you, and possibly even upgrade you in her eyes.
  2. She doesn’t feel like she can bring you anywhere in public. There are very few things that turn a girl off like the feeling that she’s with a loser if she takes her man out to a gathering. 90% of the time, this issue doesn’t have so much to do with physical appearance as it does the way you carry yourself, the worry that you may cause a scene, or the way you dress. Either way, if she’s the type to really want a “trophy boyfriend,” this means that you’d be downgraded to a fling… even if you’re good in bed.
  3. You dated a good friend of hers. It’s the Girl Code, and it’s real. She likely won’t date you if you dated her friend.
  4. Your life goals and her life goals are polar opposites. If she’s looking for the man she’ll spend the rest of her life with, she’s looking for a man with similar life goals to hers. If you want to be a cattle rancher in Wyoming and she wants to be Carrie Bradshaw from Sex In The City, she’s not going to want to bother dating you.
  5. You give off “fling” vibes. Sometimes, a girl can’t take a guy seriously because he always seems to be goofing off or flirting with anything that moves. With some, that vibe might be reason enough to choose to skip over it.
  6. She doesn’t approve of your friends, or feels like your family wouldn’t mesh well with hers. A surprising amount of women will judge a man by the company he keeps. If she thinks that your friends aren’t good influences, or if she knows that your family is a nightmare to deal with, she may actually end up forgoing a relationship with you over it.
  7. You don’t make much effort. Many women love a chase, but the fact is that if you won’t even return her phone calls on time, she’ll assume you’re not interested and move onto the next. Discouraging a girl is a good way to kill that potential you want to have with her.
  8. She feels like she’d have to babysit you. This might mean that she feels like you’re emotionally stunted, or it might mean that she feels like she’d have to be the primary earner in the couple. Either way, most women don’t want a guy who they have to watch over, dote on, and babysit like a 3-year-old.
  9. You have a major red flag or relationship dealbreaker associated with you. Did you treat the waiter like human garbage on your date? Did you talk about how you are totally broke, and need her to lend you $500? Did you tell her that you think the world is out to hurt you? If you have a dealbreaker, she won’t date you. In most cases, a major dealbreaker means you won’t even get fling status.
  10. You’re a needy bastard. Codependency is not sexy, boys. Attentiveness is, but not codependency.
  11. You committed a major love faux pas in the past, and she found out about it. If you hit a girl, were a serial cheater, or if you’re a deadbeat dad, you can expect most women who are worth having a relationship to drop you from their sights as soon as they find out. Women do talk, and when they end up telling your date what you did in the last relationship, she’ll probably lose interest altogether.
  12. She thinks you’re unstable. You know how guys don’t want to date a girl that they feel is unstable, but might want to sleep with her? The feeling goes both ways. Girls don’t want a guy who they believe isn’t sane enough to have a normal relationship.
  13. She thinks you lack motivation in life. No girl wants to be with a guy who she feels has no dreams or aspirations. Dreams are sexy, even if they’re as simple as being a house husband or working on a beautiful work of art. If you aren’t making moves to have a go at your dreams, she’s probably not going to see you as a boyfriend material guy.
  14. She feels you would be using her. If you’re way less financially stable than her, or if you make it clear that you’re looking for a girl to bolster your image or be a mom to your 5-year-old son, she’ll feel like there’s an ulterior motive to you wanting to date her. If she feels like you see her as a means to an end, she’s not going to pursue that relationship.
  15. She thinks that you can’t connect with her intellectually. You can have the looks of a supermodel and a pretty decent personality, but if you can’t really get with her on the same intellectual level, she might just see you as a fling. This is especially true for girls who dig smart guys.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.