15 Signs You’re Better Off As Friends

15 Signs You’re Better Off As Friends ©iStock/Sjale

There’s friend material, and then there’s boyfriend material. At times, our best guy friend may seem like he would make the perfect boyfriend, but realistically, that usually isn’t the case, and it’s better not to blur those lines. Though you might want to date him, take a good look at signs that you’re looking at a no-go.

  1. You don’t see each other as sexual people. Nothing will quash a person’s desire for a romantic relationship with someone like a lack of sexual attraction. If you view each other as brother and sister, chances are that any romantic relationship you would pursue is doomed from the start.
  2. You want different things. Everyone has friends who have life goals that don’t mesh with their own. Having diverse friends is a good way to get more perspective on the world around you. On the other hand, a boyfriend should have relationship goals that are similar to yours. Otherwise, you’ll likely end up having to make compromises that you don’t want to make.
  3. You feel like there’s pressure on you to be with him, even if you’re not 100% sold on the idea. This could mean that you’re dealing with a Nice Guy (TM), or that your mutual friends won’t stop talking about how great you’d be together. Regardless of the reason why you’re feeling pressured or iffy, it’s often best to listen to your gut. There may be a hidden or subconscious reason you feel that way.
  4. You’re in different places in your life. It’s possible to be in different places in your life. Your friend may be ready to settle down, but you might not be. If this is the case, it’s often best to delay the relationship, at the very least.
  5. There’s been drama between the two of you before, and it dealt with dating. If you’ve tried to date before but it fizzled out, there’s a reason. The fact that you’re still friends means something, but if this has happened before with the same guy, giving it a second shot may actually cause the entire friendship to collapse permanently. Don’t risk it.
  6. You tend to have group hangouts instead of being one-on-one. This typically means that you’re a bit too far apart from each other emotionally to fully decide to try it out as a couple. Also, it can put your mutual friends in an awkward position should the two of you break up.
  7. You have no interest in putting any effort in for him, or vice versa. If you’re really going gaga over a guy, you’ll want to doll yourself up and make him go just as nuts for you. If he’s feeling it, he’ll do something pretty masculine to impress you. If neither of you are putting in any effort, it’s safe to say that the feelings aren’t totally there.
  8. You’ve seen how he treats girls and you don’t like it. Red flags are still red flags. The regular rules of dating and standards still apply. Do not, by any measure, think that he’ll treat you differently from his other exes. It’s important to realize that jerks don’t change, even if that means they hurt their best friends.
  9. When he’s away, you don’t feel too upset. When you’re in love, you’ll want to see the guy every day. If you don’t get that pang of sorrow when he’s away, it’s time to face reality — it’s not meant to be!
  10. Your friendship dynamic is mostly based on laughs and commiseration. Laughter and whining about similar problems does sound like a good base for a relationship, but a real loving foundation is more than just that. A romantic relationship would also have passion and a sexual element to it.
  11. Sex would be sadly awkward. If you’re hot for one another but don’t actually enjoy the same things in bed, then you’re in for a really bad relationship flop if you do choose to pursue it.
  12. He’s not totally stable. He might be your friend, but he’s really not ready for a relationship if he’s a mental wreck. When you have a guy like this interested in a relationship, you may want to pass — if only to do the right thing for him.
  13. He doesn’t seem as hot for you as you are for him. Don’t get iced out, and don’t be the poor soul that fights that uphill battle. It’s just not going to work well. A one-sided relationship is not a relationship at all.
  14. “Jealousy? What’s that?” If neither of you get a tinge of jealousy, then chances are that it’s not going to work out. Jealousy isn’t always healthy, but it at least indicates that you’re actually interested.
  15. There’s a generally negative vibe between the two of you when you’re alone. Above all, listen to your gut. If there’s a bad vibe, it’s generally best not to pursue it.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.