Your standards mean so much in the dating game. They prevent you from getting hurt, keep your self-worth intact and they ensure that you don’t over-compromise yourself. You want to lower them for some lazy guy who isn’t meeting them? Hell no. Here’s why you shouldn’t lower your standards for anyone, especially some guy who can’t (or simply won’t) meet them:
You send the wrong message. If you are willing to drop your standards, you’re basically saying that you don’t respect yourself enough to uphold them. It tells the guy you’re dating that he can easily come along and change what’s important to you, which isn’t cool because you have those standards for a good reason. Don’t forget that. They’re symbols of everything you want and have learned in the dating game and they prevent you from dating time-wasters.
You make it easy for him to disrespect you. If he can see you don’t respect yourself, like if you demanded that he treat you like a priority instead of just an option and then changed your tune when he didn’t, he’ll see you’re flaky and take advantage of it. He won’t feel the need to respect you and you’ll end up being easily walked all over.
You make guys think you don’t matter. If a guy doesn’t call when he said he would or he doesn’t turn up for a date, and you’re willing to turn a blind eye, you’re basically telling him, “You matter more than I do.” That’s BS and you know it — and if you don’t know it, you shouldn’t be dating until you do.
You won’t be happy. It’s impossible to be happy if you’re scratching out your high standards like they’re nothing. It means you’re willing to get less for the effort you’re putting in, which is a recipe for resentment and misery.
You want the guy who goes the extra mile. Just because there are so many guys out there who give so little of themselves when courting you doesn’t mean you should accept that this is what all men are like. Besides, you don’t want a run-of-the-mill guy — you want the guy who stands out in the crowd and shows you how important you are to him.
You risk dating for the sake of it. You might think that it’s okay not to uphold all your standards because it makes it easier to get with guys, but are you that desperate to have someone? No one is worth it if you have to settle for less than you deserve.
You get a guy who’s a lazy boyfriend. If he’s already showing signs of laziness, such as by not making much effort or initiating contact in the early days, he’s giving you a preview of what he’ll be like as a boyfriend. If you lower your standards to accommodate this laziness, you’re basically letting him sit back and let you do all the work. It won’t be a relationship you like being in.
There’s no challenge. If something is too easy, it’s not worth it. That’s true of everything, including dating. If a guy feels that it’s too easy to be with you because you make yourself too available or you’re ready to compromise all the time, then there’s no challenge. A guy will easily lose interest.
You miss out on the guy who will rise up to meet your standards. If you waste your time on lazy losers who don’t make any effort in a relationship, you miss out on the chance to be with the guy who will meet your standards and honor them. Wait for him. It will be worth it.
You screw yourself over. You might think that it’s okay to lower your standards for a great guy, but you shouldn’t have to. If a guy can’t meet your standards, then he’s not right for you. By giving him the benefit of the doubt (for example, he doesn’t answer your calls for days and you try to write it up as him being too busy), you’re really just deluding yourself and laying the foundation for future unhappiness.
He should raise his standards. Before you lower your standards, think about this: perhaps a guy who is lazy and expects you to accommodate his behavior needs to increase his standards instead of messing with yours. Remember: you have high standards because you hold yourself to them. He should do the same if he’s worthy of you.
You’re not being unreasonable. It’s easy for a guy to call you “unreasonable” for having certain relationship demands, but ask yourself: are you really being unreasonable? If you don’t want him to flirt with other women or you expect him to make an effort, you’re expecting common decency! Don’t let lazy guys tell you that you’re crazy or “too needy” for having such demands. It’s not your fault that they’re not man enough to meet them.
Once you take your standards away, you can’t get them back. You teach people how to treat you. If you erase your standards to be with a guy, it’s permanent. You can’t later decide to reinstate them because you will have shown him that you’re not serious about your standards. Or, he’ll continue trying to push his luck by getting you to step over them, thinking if you did it once you’ll do it again. That’s not a healthy relationship at all. Screw it. Stick to your standards and find one that is!
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