Here’s Why You Always Lose Yourself In Relationships (And How To Stop)

It’s easy to lose yourself in a relationship when you’re in love. You want your partner to be happy and there’s nothing wrong with that. The problem is that loving so fiercely can make you accidentally put your own feelings on the back-burner. Sound familiar? Here’s why this keeps happening.

  1. You Don’t Prioritize Your Needs. You become the primary caregiver in the relationship and you do so without realizing it. Instead of worrying about yourself, your partner’s needs become your top priority. You want to make sure they’re happy even if that means putting yourself on the back-burner. You’re selfless and that’s a great trait. The problem is that you’re neglecting your own self-care and you can’t do that. Make time for yourself every day by doing something you love, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
  2. You Constantly Seek Approval. You want your partner to like you so you pretend to be interested in everything they say and you go out of your way to impress them. We’ve all been there, and while there’s nothing wrong with wanting their approval, you should also be making sure you actually like them. Relationships are a two-way street, after all.
  3. You’re A Natural Giver. You’re a giver by nature and you always want other people to be happy. That characteristic means you’re everyone’s go-to but it also means you get taken advantage of in relationships. There are ways to give back without compromising yourself. Instead of always saying yes, say no sometimes. Don’t exhaust yourself trying to make your partner happy. Focus on making yourself happy!
  4. You Don’t Set Boundaries. Maybe you’ve told your partner what you like and what you don’t before, but you’re pretty much all talk. When they do something wrong, you let them get away with it instead of following through with a consequence. You lose yourself because you don’t fight for what’s important. Start fighting.
  5. You Care Too Much. You’re super focused on your partner, and because of that, all your other relationships are now irrelevant. You’ve forgotten about your friends and family because you’re so fixated on your relationship. The thing is, your friends and family play huge roles in your life. When you stop spending time with them, you lose who you are. As busy as you might be, make time for your people!
  6. You Have Low Standards. The second you meet someone who’s interested, you’re all in. No questions asked. You don’t care who they are or how they treat you. All you care about is them wanting you. Chances are you were hurt by someone in the past and that’s left you with low standards. Instead of looking for certain traits, you’re just looking for someone who won’t walk away. The thing is, if you don’t have standards, you’ll never be happy. Figure out what you want in a partner and what you don’t.
  7. You’re Afraid To Be Alone. When’s the last time you were single? You can’t remember, can you? That’s because you always have someone, even if it’s just a casual fling. You’re terrified of being alone, so you work your butt off to make sure that doesn’t happen. You might not realize it, but being with someone all the time makes it difficult if not impossible for you to learn who you are. Spend time alone when you can. It’s important to be comfortable with who you are.
  8. You Keep Your Emotions Bottled Up. You keep your emotions bottled up because you’re afraid of upsetting your partner. Instead of speaking your mind, you keep quiet and refuse to say anything that could possibly hurt their feelings. Not only does that hurt you but it hurts your relationship too. If you’re not speaking your truth, your partner will never know what’s on your mind.
  9. You Really, Really Want To Get Married. You always envisioned yourself walking down the aisle by 27 and having three children before you were 30. But as you get older, you’re starting to realize time is not on your side. So now, you’re more focused on finding a partner than finding a perfect match. Don’t let desperation cloud your judgment.
  10. You’re Not Confident In Yourself. You don’t believe in yourself. Maybe you’re afraid to take risks or you don’t know exactly what you want out of this life. Either way, you don’t feel good about who you are or what direction your life is going. So, you cling onto your partner and follow his plan. It makes you feel safer, but it also keeps you from figuring your own life out.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.