15 Signs You’re More Concerned With Appearance Than Character

15 Signs You’re More Concerned With Appearance Than Character

Like it or not, we all care about how other people perceive us. Our culture centers on filters used by influencers who want you to believe they live an “unfiltered” life. I get it — we want to put our best foot forward in all areas, and there’s nothing wrong with that… until it takes precedence over your character. Do you care more about a persona than personal convictions? Here’s how you know.

1. You live for the likes.

Do you spend more time forcing your babies to look cute in workout pants for Instagram traction than playing with them outside? Do you deep clean your kitchen every single time you take a baking reel to convince people that your homemade sourdough is always prepared in a spotless kitchen? If your life is “lived” for presentation over presence, it’s time to put the phone down.

2. You don’t have true friends.

smiling woman looking back over chair

If you spend all of your time trying to put on a front, it’s hard to have true friends. Real friends see the worst of you and stay, but if you’re always faking it, who knows the true you? Sure, you might have acquaintances or people who chat with you about similar life stages or hobbies, but you won’t have unfiltered love and support when the going gets tough. As Mayo Clinic reminds us, friends enrich our lives and even improve our health, so we should nurture those relationships in any way we can.

3. You won’t go out in public unless _______.

smiling woman talking on phone while walking

You won’t go out in public unless you look “presentable,” your kids are behaving, etc. Your life is devoted to appealing to other people, so you only showcase your existence to the general public when everything seems to be going smoothly. The sad reality of this is that you aren’t even living; you’re hiding yourself from everyone, including you.

Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily

4. You avoid soul work.

Soul work is the efforts you create to tackle the parts of your heart that might be harboring pride, bitterness, selfishness, etc. But it’s messy, gritty work. If your biggest concern is how you come off to others, you’ll put the messy work on the back burner so no one sees you struggle. While it’s understandable that no one wants to be seen on their worst day, how will you ever have a “best” day if you aren’t willing to work on yourself and become a more compassionate, creative, or productive person?

5. You have a big-bucks job… that you hate.

Your neighbors have a boat, so you have to have a boat. Your girlfriends carry designer purses, so you have to carry designer purses. You snag a big-bucks job to keep up with everyone, but you hate the job. It’s long hours that pull you away from your family, the company has backdoor practices that are borderline illegal, and you find no fulfillment in this role. But hey, at least you have that boat… that you never have time to take out on the lake with your spouse and kiddos.

Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily

6. Your family sees through your charade.

Your family will start to notice when something else pulls you away from them, whether it’s your obsession with trending on TikTok or creating that presentation to appease the board members who write your hefty paycheck. At first, this might simply annoy them, but that annoyance can quickly turn into resentment that’s hard to resolve. Be careful where your priorities live.

7. You post photos with people you don’t associate with.

Argentinian multi-generation family gathering for reunion.

You want to seem like a good parent, so when it’s your weekend with the kids, you snap a fun photo with them at the skating rink to prove a point to your ex. But did you actually get out there and skate with them? Did you have fun, meaningful conversations with them in the concession stand line? Yeah… probably not. If you post photos with people you don’t truly associate with, it’s all a show. Don’t do that. The other people in the photo deserve more respect.

Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily

8. You’re lonely. 

You won’t admit it, but you’re lonely. You have no clue who you are when you aren’t trying to appease someone or prove your worth, so you’ve isolated yourself from everyone who could truly get to know you. Maybe some people call you a phony, a faker, a gold digger, or a show-off, but you’re more than that. You just won’t be open and honest enough to show anyone who you are.

9. You’re secretly drowning in debt.

guy covering his face with phone

For the sake of appearance, you’re willing to drown in debt. You’ll buy that sports car even if you can’t afford the interest rate. You’ll blow your paycheck on that beach getaway so you can show off to all your “friends.” You’ll chunk cash or swipe a card at anything and everything that makes you look like you have your life together. And I hate to say it, but all you’re doing is stifling your ability to live a free life, one that isn’t tied to bills and backup payment plans.

Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily

10. You sacrifice morality for clout.

You’ll do whatever you have to do to climb that corporate ladder and prove your old man wrong, even if it means cheating your way to the top. You’ll lie about that other influencer you compete with just so people buy into your brand over hers. When you care more about appearances than your character, you easily sacrifice morality for clout. But in the end, when people see you for who you are, what clout is left?

11. You’re a Kardashian wannabe.

You have to start the drama. You have to star in the drama. You have to make sure the drama never ends. This is how you keep people invested in your life. You let your life play out as a reality television show so you can keep your followers and gain a few more… and a few more… and a few more. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t like to have the Kardashians’ bank account, but in no way would I want to live their family drama. It’s just sad.

Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily

12. You only befriend people with status.

You aren’t someone’s friend unless they can offer you something, whether that’s a stronger social media presence, a bigger shot at making money, etc. You judge people’s worth on their status and what they can offer you. And I can’t lie, that’s a selfish way to “befriend” people, and it usually crashes and burns before long. (And you’re caught in the ashes of the aftermath too.)

13. You judge anyone “beneath” you.

You turn your nose up at anyone and everyone who doesn’t meet your bar. You judge all too easily because you need to keep your distance from people who could taint your appearance. Meanwhile, you ignore the sad, uncontrollable circumstances so many people face. You ignore the single mom on a tight budget doing the best she can. You shrug off the guy who can’t hype you up after the meeting because he has a sick mom to get home to. Be careful who you judge…

Don’t miss out – follow Bolde for exclusive content daily

14. You can’t remember the last time someone was vulnerable with you.

If your circle of “friends” floats solely on people who can boost your appearance, understand that you’re swimming in a shallow pool. This inch-deep life doesn’t leave room for anyone to be vulnerable with you. Odds are, people don’t trust you with the real stuff because they’re afraid of being judged or snubbed, so you miss out on the chance to really be there for others.

15. You’ve forgotten what’s important. 

stylish man walking through city

Appearance has been your only concern for so long that you can’t recollect the last time you truly had a heartfelt conversation with your spouse or kiddos. You can’t remember making a memory without pausing the whole thing to catch a video to post. Take a few seconds to revisit the why behind your life—why you work where you do, wear what you do, talk to who you do, etc. Get your priorities straight, friend. Appearances won’t last, but character creates a legacy.

Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow Bolde on MSN for more!

Peyton Garland is a boy mama and Tennessee farmer who loves sharing her heart on OCD, postpartum life, and hope in the messy places.