15 Witty Comebacks To Use When Someone Criticizes Your Appearance

You’re minding your own business when someone feels the need to tell you something negative about your appearance. Whether it involves your hair, clothing, or body shape, it’s enough to make you blow up! But, don’t give them the satisfaction of getting under your skin. Instead, use one of these 15 witty comebacks to put them in their place.

1. “Thanks for the observation! I’ll file it under ‘Things I Never Asked For.'”

provided by Shutterstock

Since you never asked for the person’s comments, this phrase works well to remind them of that. You’re basically saying, “I never asked you for your opinion and I don’t care for it,” but in a more creative and humorous way to show them that you’re rising above their words.

2. “I see your fashion sense is as strong as your criticism.”

provided by Shutterstock

This phrase works well to let the person know that you don’t take their criticism to heart. Their words are weak, just like their fashion sense. Shots fired! Although this person might seem confident enough to bring you down, if they had genuine confidence they wouldn’t feel the need to.

3. “Ah, unsolicited advice. How original!”

provided by Shutterstock

There’s nothing worse than dealing with unsolicited advice about your hair, fashion, or style. In fact, unsolicited advice, in general, needs to be canceled. Call the person out to spotlight their mess up so they know they’re out of line.

4. “I’m happy, but thanks so much for checking in.”


It’s empowering to let the person know that you’re happy with your choices and it’s not up to them to tell you what to do with your appearance. The “thanks so much for checking in” is a nice sarcastic touch to shut them down, while showing them you’ve got confidence.

provided by Shutterstock

5. “If only your criticism burned calories, we’d both be in good shape.”

provided by Shutterstock

This is a witty comeback that can throw the other person for a loop because they won’t expect its subtle dig. The “we’d both be in good shape” punchline will make them think twice before dishing out negative comments in the future. It turns the table on the critical person in a smart way, while adding some humor to the situation to diffuse tension.

6. “If I wanted an irrelevant opinion, I would’ve asked you first.”

provided by Shutterstock

No one wants to be called irrelevant, so this is a nice burn for someone who can’t keep their mouth shut. I love this phrase because it shuts down the person’s comments while telling them that what they have to say just doesn’t matter to you.

7. “Wow, you seem to be an expert in everything.”

provided by Shutterstock

This is an effective comeback for those people in your life who always want to mansplain everything and think they’ve got all the answers. Calling them out as a so-called expert will hopefully make them see that the opposite is true.

8. “Where did you get your qualifications?”

provided by Shutterstock

When you ask the person this question, they might be confused at first, wondering what you’re trying to say. Unsettling them with a bit of confusion is great because then you can elaborate by saying, “I didn’t realize you had a master’s degree in beauty/hair care/fashion,” depending on the insult they’ve given you.

9. “Is this about your…”

provided by Shutterstock

Sometimes, the best way to deal with receiving an unsolicited comment about your appearance is by turning the spotlight on the other person. But to do this, you have to know something about them or what they’re going through to really hit them where it hurts. So, you could say, “Is this about your bad relationship making you moody?” or “Is this about how you’re always so jealous of me?”

10. “Oh no! I was hoping to get your approval. How sad.”

provided by Shutterstock

This comeback works so well because it’s dripping with sarcasm and mockery. You’re telling the person that their opinion doesn’t matter, and going one step further by expressing that their approval is even less important to you. It’s awesome to reframe the criticism as something trivial. This shreds its negative impact, placing you back in the power seat.

11. “This is why people should come with a mute button.”

provided by Shutterstock

If you’re dealing with an annoying person who’s always nitpicking your appearance, you can simply tell them that they’re a great example of why people should be installed with mute buttons. Done. You’re basically telling them to shut it, and rightly so. People need to stop thinking they can go around commenting on things that don’t concern them. Enough is enough.

12. “Oh, what would you change about my appearance?”

provided by Shutterstock

Sometimes, people who dish out negative comments don’t expect you to ask them follow-ups. They’ll either backtrack or, they might take the bait and tell you how they’d style their hair differently or wear different clothes, to which you could just laugh. Or, you could respond with a comment like the next one:

13. “I can’t take advice from someone who has zero fashion sense. Sorry.”

provided by Shutterstock

The person is being judgmental and nasty to you, so you have every right to tell them that you don’t take advice from someone whose choices are less-than-fashionable. It’s a bit of a tit-for-tat, but it works well to stop them in their tracks and put an end to the interaction.

14. “Stop being obsessed with me.”

provided by Shutterstock

When someone has delivered a nasty comment about your appearance, it’s fun to flip the script on them. Putting them on the spot by claiming that they’re thinking about you too much or obsessed with you will make them stop.

15. “Text me comments or complaints about my appearance. Oh, wait, I’ve blocked you.”

provided by Shutterstock

If the person has ruffled your feathers and you simply don’t want to deal with their toxic behavior anymore, this phrase will send the message that you’re checking out and couldn’t care less about what they have to say. Nice! Then you can have a good chuckle and not let the comment ruin the rest of your day, okay?

Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.
close-link
close-link
close-link
close-link