16 Things People Do When They’re Afraid of Upsetting You

16 Things People Do When They’re Afraid of Upsetting You

Some people really don’t care who they upset, so they say whatever comes into their heads and do what they want without considering how it will affect people around them. However, someone who does these things prefers to treat more carefully. They really don’t want to make you angry or let you down, so they’re going out of their way to make sure they don’t.

1. They Mirror Your Behavior.

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People who are afraid of upsetting you will follow your lead when it comes to behavior, gestures, and speech patterns. This psychological phenomenon, known as mirroring according to Psychology Today, is often used subconsciously as a way to create rapport and avoid conflict. Mirroring can definitely keep the peace, but it also may indicate that they’re walking on eggshells around you.

2. They Overcompensate with Humor.

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Humor can often be a defense mechanism used to defuse tension, according to Positive Psychology. If someone is constantly cracking jokes or trying to keep the mood light, it could be because they’re trying to avoid upsetting you. While a good laugh can make conversations more enjoyable, too much could be a sign that they’re trying a little too hard to keep the atmosphere light.

3. They Take Their Time When Responding.

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If someone’s responses are delayed all the time and they take forever to reply to your texts or emails, they might be doing so because they’re scared of upsetting you. They could be using this time to carefully craft their responses to avoid any potential conflict or drama. They’re obviously being extra thoughtful with their words because they don’t want you to misunderstand them.

4. They Have a Lot of Nervous Habits.

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People who are afraid of upsetting you might have some nervous tendencies like fidgeting, nail-biting, or constantly touching their face. They tend to do these things as a subconscious way of dealing with the stress or anxiety of potentially making you mad or upset. They’re a physical manifestation of their internal anxiety and reflect their concern about maintaining a peaceful relationship with you.

5. They Overpraise Your Actions.

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If someone is constantly praising the things you do, decisions you make, or ideas you come up with, they might be doing so out of fear of upsetting you. They think that by boosting your ego, they can avoid any negative reactions. While praise can be a sign of genuine admiration, when it’s done to excess, it’s clear that they’re freaking out about setting you off.

6. They Avoid Teasing or Playful Banter.

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While light teasing or poking fun is common in most relationships, someone who’s afraid of upsetting you will usually avoid it completely. They worry that you might take their playful jabs the wrong way and get upset. They don’t want to cross any boundaries that make you angry or say things that you might think they’re serious about when they’re really not.

7. They Show Excessive Empathy.

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If someone seems incredibly empathetic toward you, always trying to understand and validate your feelings, they might be doing so because they don’t want to upset you. They’re trying to show that they’re on your side and that they get where you’re coming from. While empathy is generally a good thing, when it’s taken to the extreme, they’re clearly overcompensating for something.

8. They Never Say “No” to You.

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They might have a hard time saying “no” to you, even when they’re overburdened or not interested in what you’re asking. That’s because they worry that that refusing might lead to drama. Their inability to turn down your requests or invitations could be a sign that they’re prioritizing your happiness over their own comfort or needs, all to avoid upsetting you. That’s not a good thing!

9. They Frequently Change Their Opinions.

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If someone changes their opinions or stances to match yours, they’re obviously trying to see agreeable to avoid any kind of friction. They’re putting harmony over their own POV, proving they’re willing to compromise their own beliefs or preferences just to keep the peace.

10. They Overly Validate Your Experiences.

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While it’s nice to feel understood, someone who is afraid of upsetting you might validate your experiences or feelings to an excessive degree. They do this to show that they’re not challenging your perspective or belittling your feelings. They want to make sure you don’t feel misunderstood or neglected, so they go out of their way to prove that’s not the case.

11. They’re Overly Polite.

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If someone is showing excessive politeness and always minds their manners around you, they’re trying to avoid upsetting you. They might think that by being super sweet and kind, they could prevent any potential discord. This excessive politeness usually extends to all types of interactions, as well — they’re obviously terrified of setting you off!

12. They Maintain a Safe Distance.

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They keep walls up to maintain distance both physically and emotionally. They could be avoiding getting too close because they’re scared that their behavior might be misunderstood or could potentially upset you. This cautious space-keeping is their way of making sure they don’t intrude on your personal space or boundaries.

13. They Avoid Giving You Criticism or Feedback.

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If someone rarely or never gives you any form of constructive criticism or feedback, it’s because they’re nervous of how you’d react to it. They worry that you’ll take things the wrong way and assume they have no faith in you or think you’re bad at what you do, so they avoid it altogether so they don’t have to entertain the idea of disrupting the peace between you.

14. They Constantly Try to Diffuse Tension.

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Someone who is always trying to diffuse tension, even when it’s barely detectable to anyone else, is taking their fear of upsetting you to an extreme level. They might try to change the topic, crack a joke, or do anything they can to lighten the mood (despite the fact that it’s not all that heavy to begin with). They put in constant effort to keep the atmosphere relaxed and tension-free.

15. They Overanalyze Their Actions Around You.

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If someone is overanalyzing everything they do around you, carefully considering the potential impact of every word or action, that says a lot. They’re constantly investing extra effort to ensure their behavior doesn’t inadvertently lead to any upset. This habit of overanalyzing proves that they have major concerns about maintaining a peaceful relationship with you.

16. They Sit Out of Group Activities.

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They believe that by limiting their participation in groups, they can reduce the chances of saying or doing something that might upset you. Excluding themselves is their way of reducing potential friction points that could lead to conflict. What a shame!

Originally from Australia, Emma Mills graduated from the University of Queensland with a dual degree in Philosophy and Applied Linguistics before moving to Los Angeles to become a professional matchmaker (a bit of a shift, obviously). Since 2015, she has helped more than 150 people find lasting love and remains passionate about bringing amazing singletons together.

Emma is also the author of the upcoming Hachette publication, "Off the Beaten Track: Finding Lasting Love in the Least Likely of Places," due out in January 2025.