Relationships aren’t always smooth sailing, but when men are secretly struggling, they might withdraw or deflect instead of confiding in you. Understanding these subtle signals of inner turmoil can help you create a safe space for your partner to open up and work through challenges together. Here are some things men do when they’re not in a good place in the relationship.
1. They pick fights over nothing.
Suddenly, the way you load the dishwasher is THE WORST. When guys are upset but don’t know how to express it, frustration can come out as nitpicking or irritability. He might not even realize he’s doing it, but lashing out at minor stuff can be a big red flag. As Well + Good points out, people pick fights over nothing for various reasons, but all of them signal bigger problems in the partnership.
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2. They’re either glued to their phone or totally zoned out.
Distraction is a major coping mechanism, and phone addiction is a big way to do it. He either dives headfirst into games/social media or becomes completely unresponsive while lost in his own headspace. It’s his way of numbing out when dealing with tough emotions feels too overwhelming.
3. Guys who are usually Mr. Affectionate suddenly need their space.
Less physical touch isn’t always about losing interest – sometimes it’s emotional withdrawal, Healthline explains. He might be pulling away because he’s hurting, feeling insecure, or simply overwhelmed with what he’s dealing with inside. Don’t take it as a sign he doesn’t care – it could be the opposite.
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4. Their jokes have a sharp edge.
Sarcasm or mean-spirited teasing can be an outlet for frustration he’s afraid to address directly. It’s NOT an excuse for bad behavior, but it’s a clue something’s bothering him. Maybe he’s subconsciously trying to push you away because facing the real problem feels too scary.
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5. They become super focused on work (or a hobby).
Throwing himself into his job, a project, or even video games lets him escape uncomfortable feelings. It’s easier to tackle work issues than emotional ones. This isn’t necessarily bad in itself, but if it’s his only coping mechanism, problems will just build up in the background.
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6. They’re always “too tired.”
Lack of intimacy can be about more than physical tiredness. Emotional exhaustion makes him withdraw from connecting on any deeper level. Maybe being close feels too vulnerable when he’s already struggling with something else.
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7. They go silent during arguments.
Stonewalling isn’t always malicious. Sometimes, guys shut down when they feel overwhelmed, flooded, and incapable of having a productive conversation. Instead of intentionally freezing you out, he may be completely scrambled and unable to communicate effectively.
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8. Their inner critics get LOUD.
Insecurity can bubble up when he’s unhappy in a relationship. He may put himself down, fish for reassurance, or become overly sensitive to anything resembling criticism. It’s like all those negative thoughts he usually keeps inside get turned up to full volume.
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9. They reminisce about being single.
Joking about the “good old days” or how carefree he was pre-relationship might be more than lighthearted banter. It can be a way to test the waters of “what if?” These comments can be hurtful, but it’s worth considering if they’re coming from a place of genuine unhappiness.
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10. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them.
His mood swings become unpredictable. This can lead to you feeling anxious, trying to avoid accidentally setting him off, and generally sacrificing your own needs to keep the peace. It’s exhausting and unfair to constantly second-guess yourself for fear of upsetting him.
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11. “Everything’s fine” is their default answer.
Guys are often taught to bottle things up. When you ask what’s wrong, he may insist nothing’s bothering him, even when it’s clear that it is. It might come from a place of not wanting to burden you, or because he genuinely doesn’t know how to process what he’s feeling.
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12. They turn to their buddies more than you.
Venting to friends or spending more time away from you might be how he processes his emotions. This is okay sometimes, but shouldn’t be the only way he deals with issues. A healthy relationship means being able to lean on your partner, too.
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13. They get defensive about the littlest things.
Feeling down can make him lash out or misunderstand innocent comments as attacks. He’s wearing his hurt like armor and reacts to everything as if he’s under fire. This can make communication incredibly difficult, even about the most basic things. Defensive people often have control or power issues, Psychology Today points out, so there may be an imbalance in your relationship in this regard as well.
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14. They stop making future plans (or bring them up way less).
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If a guy isn’t feeling happy and secure in the relationship, his subconscious might put the brakes on picturing a future together. It’s hard to plan long-term when you’re unsure of the present. It doesn’t mean he’s planning to break up, but it’s a hint that something isn’t right.
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15. They become masters of avoidance.
“I can’t talk now” turns into his go-to for difficult conversations. Procrastinating on dealing with emotional stuff is tempting, but it only makes problems fester. Deep down, he probably knows this, but avoidance can be an incredibly powerful coping mechanism, even if it’s unhealthy long-term.
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16. They make jokes about your relationship failing.
Offhand remarks disguised as humor can actually be a way of exploring fears. If he’s constantly bringing up breakups or failed relationships, there’s likely something worrying him. Maybe the joke is him trying to say “I’m scared of losing you” in a way that’s less direct and vulnerable.
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17. You catch them staring off wistfully…a lot.
That faraway look in his eye suggests he’s preoccupied. Maybe he’s missing something about how things used to be, or wondering if there might be something better out there. This isn’t necessarily about you personally, but an indication that he’s questioning his current situation.
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18. Your gut instinct says something’s off.
Trust that intuition! Even if he’s hiding it well, deep down, you can often sense when the connection has shifted. This feeling on its own isn’t proof, but it’s a sign to check in. Ignoring that inner voice rarely leads to anything good.
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