If you’ve ever been gaslit by someone, you know just how incredibly damaging it can be. Not only is it mentally and emotionally abusive, but it leaves you doubting your reality and second-guessing your own judgment. However, just because you’ve been a victim of this manipulative behavior doesn’t mean you can’t also perpetrate it, often without even realizing it. If you say these things, you may be gaslighting the people in your life.
1. “You’re Overreacting.”
When you tell someone that they’re overreacting, you’re trying to minimize their feelings and reactions whether you realize it or not. You’re essentially saying that their emotions are too much or that they’re not appropriate for the situation. Over time, this can make them suppress their feelings or feel like they shouldn’t express them, which can be harmful to their emotional health and well-being.
2. “You’re Too Sensitive.”
Telling someone that they’re too sensitive is a common way gaslighters try to invalidate people’s feelings. It’s a way of saying that their emotional responses aren’t normal or acceptable, which is ridiculous. Eventually, this can make the person doubt their own emotions and stop sharing them with you because they know what kind of reaction they’ll get.
3. “You’re Imagining Things.”
This phrase is used to make someone question their perceptions and experiences. You’re basically denying that their experience or their version of events isn’t real, which is really confusing and disorienting. They might even start to question their reality or whether they’re overreacting. (By the way, if you’re sick of ending up in relationships where people say things like this to you, check out our sister site, Sweetn. They use science to completely change your love life in just a few weeks.)
4. “You’re Not Remembering Correctly.”
When you tell someone that their memory is wrong, you clearly want them to question themselves and what they went through. You’re suggesting that their recollection of events is flawed and that they’re incapable of actually remembering their experiences. This can lead to a lot of self-doubt and confusion, and can make them feel like they can’t trust their own memory. They won’t realize they’re being gaslit and might start to believe your version of events.
5. “I Never Said That.”
Sure, if you really didn’t say something, this is valid. However, if you’re trying to get out of trouble by telling someone that certain words never came out of your mouth that definitely did, you’re again trying to distort their sense of reality. This can be incredibly destabilizing and can lead to feelings of confusion and self-doubt.
6. “Everyone Thinks You’re…”
It doesn’t matter if all your friends or your family members do think something specific about someone — telling them as much is gaslighting and it only serves to isolate them. You’re trying to make them feel like they’re alone in their experiences and perceptions, and that they’re the only one who doesn’t see things your way. This will not only make them feel lonely and isolated but also extremely alienated.
7. “You’re Crazy.”
When you tell someone they’re crazy, you’re completely dismissing anything they say, think, do, or feel. You’re suggesting that their perceptions and experiences aren’t logical or based in reality or that they’re not thinking clearly. This can be incredibly damaging to their mental health and will inevitably lead to feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and insecurity.
8. “You Don’t Know What You’re Talking About.”
Telling someone that they don’t know what they’re talking about — as true as it might be — only serves to belittle the other person‘s knowledge and understanding of a situation. You’re suggesting that they’re ignorant or uninformed and are attempting to undermine their confidence and make them question their own competence. There are much better ways to get your message across.
9. “You Need Help.”
This phrase is a way for a gaslighter to imply that there is something inherently wrong with the person they’re aiming it at. By suggesting that someone needs professional help, you’re telling them straight-up that you think they’re mentally unstable. Maybe they are, but this isn’t the way to help them. Instead, it just kills their self-esteem and sense of self-worth and makes their mental health even worse.
10. “That Didn’t Happen.”
When you deny that something ever happened, you’re trying to rewrite reality. You want the other person to question what they went through and how they remember it, which, if they’re vulnerable, can be really disorienting and confusing. Eventually, they might start to undermine their own perceptions, and that’s not cool.
11. “It’s All In Your Head.”
Again, there’s nothing gaslighters love more than to make people feel like they’re losing their minds. There’s nothing more belittling or toxic than dismissing someone’s feelings or experiences as mere figments of their imagination. What they think and feel is valid, but you want them to think that it’s just a product of their own flawed mind and shouldn’t be given any credence. Yikes.
12. “You’re Making Things Up.”
Accusing someone of making things up is a way gaslighters try to discredit someone’s experiences and their version of events. If you say this, you’re accusing them of lying or exaggerating, which is a way of denying their reality in an underhanded way. I don’t think I have to say why this is so problematic.
13. “You’re Just Jealous.”
Maybe they are jealous, but by flinging this insult at them, you’re immediately writing off the complex emotions behind their envy and refusing to hear them out. If they’re not jealous, accusing them of jealousy just means you don’t have to listen to their actual feelings. This is incredibly invalidating.
14. “You Can’t Live Without Me.”
This manipulative phrase is meant to make them feel dependent on you and it’s completely untrue. It’s a way of controlling the other person and keeping them in the relationship, which is obviously extremely unhealthy if you’re saying stuff like this. By making them feel like they can’t survive or function without them, you’re attempting to create a sense of dependency and insecurity.
15. “You’re Being Paranoid.”
This is another doozy that gaslighters use to write off people’s feelings. By insinuating that they’re not thinking clearly, you’re also saying that their concerns are invalid and unfounded, which really sucks.
16. “You’re Always Wrong.”
Even a broken clock is right twice a day — there’s no way this person is always wrong. It’s more likely you just want to be right. By saying this, you’re telling the other person that they’re totally incapable of making good decisions or judgments, which will destroy their self-esteem and make them feel inadequate in the end.
17. “No One Else Would Put Up With You.”
This phrase is designed to make someone feel unlovable and unworthy — there’s no other interpretation. By claiming that no one else would tolerate their behavior or personality, you obviously want them to feel insecure and inadequate and like you’re doing them a favor by being with them. What’s wrong with you?
18. “You Always Misunderstand Me.”
By blaming them for misunderstandings, you’re shifting responsibility away from yourself and the part you’ve played in the conflict. You’re insisting that any problems or issues in the relationship are their fault, which can make them feel guilty or full of shame. Is that really what you want?
19. “I’m Doing This For Your Own Good.”
This phrase is used by gaslighters to justify abusive behavior. You’re insisting that you’re acting out of care or concern, but really you’re just attempting to make your behavior seem acceptable and even kind or well-meaning. This can be incredibly confusing and disorienting for the other person. Don’t say this (or anything else on this list).
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow Bolde on MSN for more!
