A lot of guys will give women endless excuses as to why they haven’t been calling, taking you out, moving the relationship to the next level, etc. Some explanations might be legitimate, but many are just lies that guys tell to get out of being honest with us. If you’re really hopeful that things will work out with someone, you might be tempted to convince yourself that he’s being sincere, but it’s important to fight that urge. Here are some excuses that you might tell yourself when you’re in denial about a guy’s real intentions that you should stop right now.
- “If he’s not contacting me, he’s just busy.” It doesn’t matter what kind of job or schedule he has. It doesn’t matter if he has tons of friends and family to keep up with. It doesn’t matter if he travels a lot for work. If he wants to contact you, he will find a way. If he’s interested in having something with you, he’s not going to risk his chances by leaving you hanging for any amount of time. All of his excuses for why he hasn’t been calling or texting are simply that – excuses. If he’s not staying in contact with you, move on to someone who will.
- “If he won’t define the relationship, he’s just waiting for the right time.” This is another lie we often tell ourselves to feel better about the fact that he won’t make it clear what he wants. Similar to the thing about consistent contact, if he really wants to be with you and doesn’t want to risk someone else coming and stealing you away, he’s going to want to define the relationship as quickly as he can. He’ll be the one to initiate taking things to that level and will have no problem adopting the boyfriend title. If he’s giving you excuses as to why it’s not the right time or whatever, he’s simply buying himself time while he figures out how to remove himself from the situation.
- “When he asks me to change, he’s just looking out for me.” If your guy seems to constantly encourage you to lose weight, change your hair or your clothing style, change your personality traits, or anything else like that, he doesn’t accept you and love you the way you are. If he truly loved you for who you are on the inside, it wouldn’t matter to him how you look or come across to the rest of the world and even if it did, he would be proud to show you off to everyone. If there’s something about yourself that you want to change and he encourages your efforts, that’s one thing. However, if you feel as if you’ll never be his version of perfect, trust me, you’ll never measure up in his eyes. Just drop him and move on to someone who sees you for the amazing woman that you already are.
- “He only loses his temper with me because he’s stressed out.” This one is unfortunately all too common and it’s just not OK. Everyone has stress in their life, but it’s never an excuse to lose your temper on your partner. Whether it’s verbal or physical, abuse is not okay and should never be tolerated. If your partner has trouble controlling their anger, they may need to seek professional help but you don’t deserve to be a casualty of this problem they have. Find help from someone you trust and find a way to leave that relationship before things get really bad. You deserve better.
- “When he makes fun of me, he’s just joking around.” There’s nothing wrong with playfully teasing your partner as long as you’re both laughing but there’s a definite line that shouldn’t be crossed. If your guy is giving you a hard time about little things that aren’t serious like certain quirks or habits that you have, that’s one thing. However, if he’s belittling you, your life choices, your aspirations, or anything that’s truly important to you and disguising it as a harmless joke, that’s not okay and shouldn’t be tolerated. Some people are bullies but they like to pretend like they’re not by brushing off everything they say with a laugh. If what your partner is saying is hurting you but they refuse to knock it off, there’s just no excuse.
- “It’s my fault he cheated. I wasn’t giving him what he needed.” This is one of the biggest lies you can tell yourself regarding your partner. You know deep down that if your partner cheats on you, it is no fault of your own. People might cheat for a number of different reasons but if they lead you to believe that it’s because you weren’t doing something or because you were lacking in some area of your relationship, you need to remove yourself from that situation immediately. Being unfaithful is a choice that someone makes. Regardless of any problems that you may have been going through within your relationship, the fact that he cheated is definitely not your fault.
- “He’s controlling because he loves me so much.” Some people are more jealous than others. Some people are more independent within romantic relationships and appreciate their space. Whatever you and your partner’s preferences are, compromises need to be made and there needs to an understanding of these things. There is no reason that your partner should be controlling everything that you do and everywhere you go. You’re still an individual with the free will to do as you please. If your guy is possessive to the point where you feel like you don’t have any freedom, this could be a very dangerous and unhealthy situation for you to be in. Confront them about their need to control you and if they’re not willing to see your side of things then it might be time for you to move on.
- “If I don’t make it work with him, I’ll be alone forever.” Please don’t ever think that you have to settle for someone who doesn’t deserve you or someone that doesn’t make you happy because they’ve made you believe that nobody else will want you or that you’ll never find anyone else. This couldn’t be further from the truth. You are an amazing woman and you will find the right person for you but you can’t keep making excuses for someone else’s bad behavior. Have the courage to stop accepting all of the lies and walk away from something that is no longer serving you so that you can find the relationship you’ve always wanted and the one that you deserve.
