Let’s throw something out there: hotness is a state of mind. If you leave the house feeling great about yourself, you’re hot. It’s not necessarily about a number on the scale or a number on the tag of your bra. Sure, those could boost your confidence, but they’re not the key to total happiness regarding your appearance.
But here’s the struggle. You look hot, you feel amazing, and you still can’t score a date. No matter what, it seems like you’re the “constantly single” one in your group. Even when friends try to hook you up with someone they think you’ll mesh well with, it never goes further than a few dull text messages. As the years go on, you worry that the “always a bridesmaid, never a bride” statement was meant for people like you.
First, don’t feel sorry for yourself. There’s a reason behind your “party of one” lifestyle, and it’s something that’ll be somewhat hard to change. Stop watching The Notebook, put away your tissues, and be prepared to understand the reasons why Ryan Gosling isn’t currently sweeping you off your feet. (I mean, it’s Ryan Gosling. Come on.)
Guys are afraid to approach you first.
Guys can smell confidence from a distance, and often times, they’re a little intimidated by beautiful, strong women. In a way, they’ve already set their bar a little low. Sure, it’d give him a confidence boost to ask you for your number, but he probably assumes that you’ll delete his from your phone the second he’s left the room. I mean, he doesn’t know if he’s even in your field.
You’re “marriage material”.
It’s such an awful phrase, but girls get it a lot. It pretty much means you seem to have all of your ducks in a row, and he’s really just looking for someone to hook up with. When you look great, feel great, and have a great personality, men often interpret that as a nonverbal cue that you know what you want and have a timeline prepared for the future. Back in the day, “marriage material” used to be a good thing. Now? It’s a way for commitment-phobes to break the news gently.
People assume you’re already taken.
If you’re out and having a great time solo, guys might think that your soul purpose for the night is to catch up with your girlfriends. They won’t even bother to see whether or not you’re wearing a ring– they’ll just assume that your confidence is based on the fact that your relationship hunt is either over, or on a long hiatus. If he sees that you’re not letting anyone buy you drinks (since, come on — you work for your rewards) he’ll think that you’re off limits.
Your independence sets off the “not looking” vibe.
Some people are super happy by themselves, which is a completely amazing lifestyle to live. They don’t need anyone to complete them, and would rather curl up to watch Orange Is The New Black with a bowl of popcorn instead of a boyfriend. (The bowl of popcorn also won’t talk and interrupt the really important scenes.) Since you’re comfortable being by yourself, you might be giving off the impression that you like things just as they are.
You’re not fully putting yourself out there.
Here’s the thing about certain hot girls — they feel like their beauty and confidence is enough to land them a guy. Men like being acknowledged as well, and would love to see you take the chance and talk to them. If you’re sitting quietly at the bar, waiting for someone around you to make a move, you’re bound to have a pretty lonely night. Why not listen in to the conversation that cute guy is having with his buddy, and playfully interject?
You look like the kind of girl who knows how to reject someone quick.
Remember when I mentioned the whole “intimidation” thing? If you’ve been burned a lot after approaching cute guys in the past, chances are that you’ll lay low a bit for awhile until you get the nerve to try again. Guys are the same way. You might be the fifth hot girl he’s tried to talk to that week, but if the four before you rudely brushed him off, he’ll assume you’ll do the same.
You kind of know that your schedule is already packed.
You work from 9 to 5, you head to the gym from 5 to 6:30, you eat a light dinner at 7, and you catch up on Netflix from 8 to 10. Then you head back to sleep and do it all over again. You love your routine, and it’s treated you super well in the past. Unfortunately, it’s jeopardizing your future. In the back of your head, you know that dating someone new will throw off the perfect schedule you’ve maintained for months. Unfortunately, new relationships require a bit of compromise. Mentally loosen up a bit, and you might find that going out on multiple dates with someone is worth missing a few episodes of Modern Family.
You don’t want to admit it, but you are. After all, you’ve been single for a long time, and you don’t even know if you remember how dating even works anymore. Does he still pay for the first date? Do you pay? Maybe figuring all of this out is just a big waste of time. When a guy starts talking to you, he can tell if you’re a little timid. In fact, your timidness might even look like bitchiness, which is a real turn-off. Suddenly the hot, charming mentality you started with evaporates in a puddle of self doubt. By the end of the introductions, you’ve already given up on the possibility of finding love with this guy. “When I find him, I’ll know for sure that he’s the one!” you tell yourself. But, you’re wrong.
Real relationships are trial and error. It might work out, and it might not. But fearing for the worst throughout the entire ordeal, or even channeling your confidence in a way that makes you look like a mean girl, will definitely set you up for failure. Show him what you’re made of, and don’t lose your natural spark.
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