There are relationship girls — the ones who always seem to have a boyfriend, who don’t show up to parties alone and who seem to have no trouble getting guys — and then there are the single girls, who are totally happy and have active social lives. When you’ve been single for a while, you may still get excited about going on dates but there inevitability comes a point when you would rather watch TV with a glass of wine on your couch than suffer through another date that is going nowhere. Is it so crazy to think that you could actually enjoy your single status and are starting to fear the dating world? Here are 10 reasons why you’re afraid of dating and aren’t at all scared of being single forever.
You like your life and don’t want anything to change. You know that having a boyfriend will alter your schedule and honestly, you don’t want that right now. You have a job you love, an amazing family and close friends, and that’s enough. You spend your free time catching up on your shows, going to yoga and swearing this is the week you’re going to cook more.
You’ve gone on too many Awkward First Dates. The kind of dates where you escape to the bathroom and text your BFF needing advice on how to leave gracefully. Where the guy looks nothing like his profile picture and plans what you will do on every single subsequent date… while you’re still having your first drink.
You don’t want a stranger’s opinion. Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” and you live by that motto, but you’ve been insulted by guys in the past and don’t feel like dealing with it. All it takes is one mean comment on a date and it can put you off dating for ages. My favorite bad date story (favorite because you have to laugh): when a guy gave me a hug hello and said immediately, “Whoa, you’re soooooooo short!” Is it any surprise I didn’t want to see him again?
You don’t want to force anything. Dating can feel like work and you already have a job. Dates involve so many tiny decisions – where to go, what to wear, if you think he’s cute, if you think the conversation was okay or amazing. It can be exhausting.
You never go on more than three dates. You always seem to find a reason to stop seeing someone after the third date, or the other person senses your hesitation and ends things. Friends say you’re picky or looking for non-existent problems but in reality, you are afraid of someone getting close.
You’re more inexperienced than others. There’s nothing wrong with not having a ton of dating experience. We all have different backstories. But your inexperience may hold you back if you get scared of telling someone about it or feel you’re too old to have never been in a relationship.
You have that one friend full of dating horror stories. Every time you see her, she has a new one and it basically freaks you out. If this is dating, you’re not so sure you want any part of it.
You’re still figuring out who you are. We’re all still a work in progress. We’re still young, after all. Meeting someone new means needing to explain stuff about yourself and your life: whether you love your career or dream of something else, if you’re close with your family, if you’re generally happy with your situation. If you’re not happy and want to make some changes, it can be tricky to picture yourself becoming a part of someone else’s life.
You don’t want to end up hurt. It’s a classic explanation for a fear of commitment but it’s classic because it’s so true. If you go on a first date, you might want a second and the other person might not. If you date for six months, the other person might break up with you. This freaks you out so much you’d rather keep things status quo for as long as possible.
You always say you’re too busy to date. It is kind of an excuse, but you also really believe it. It’s probably true that you are busy – we all are. But think about whether anything in your calendar can change so you can go on a date if you really want to. You never know – it could be a good one.
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