We’re all familiar with common relationship red flags — they won’t let you see your friends and family, they have anger issues, your money is their money — but what about the ones that are less talked about and often go unnoticed? There are red flags in relationships that you might completely dismiss because they seem so insignificant or like a part of every relationship. Watch out for these big ones and if you notice them, get out ASAP.
- You worry about talking to them. It doesn’t have to be a sensitive point and sometimes it’s not even serious. It could be as simple as having a conversation about a girls’ night out you’re planning with your friends. Every time you need to talk to your partner about something, it raises worries and concerns. Will they take it the wrong way? Will they get upset that you’re making plans without them? Do they think you are trying to get away from them? If you’re always worried about how they’ll respond to a conversation, it’s going to be a problem throughout your relationship.
- Your relationship moves super fast. The two of you have moved from dating to an exclusive relationship in a matter of weeks. Now they’re planning future trips, making big purchases, and other things that shouldn’t need to be discussed for a long time. They might even choose children’s names. Relationships take time to grow and shouldn’t be rushed. If they’re moving too fast, it may be because they want to solidify your relationship before you find out too many of their flaws.
- “It’s just who I am.” Someone who says, “That’s just the way I am,” is telling you they’re not willing to change anything about who they are or the way they live their life for you. If you get hurt about something they’ve done or said, they’ll use this excuse to avoid apologizing or thinking about their actions. This person will never make you the most important person in their life because they already occupy that spot.
- They have everything in common with you. Everything you like, they like. Every idea you have is great. They agree with everything you say and never have their own opinions or ideas. This can’t carry on forever. They’re desperately trying to keep things good in your relationship but at some point, they’re going to have a different opinion or disagree with you. How is that going to work if they’re so afraid of offending you that they refuse to be themselves? No one agrees with another person 100% of the time and you should be worried about how the conversation will go when they can’t hold it in anymore.
- They drop everything and everyone to be with you. If you suggest a Sunday afternoon picnic, they’ll cancel the visit they had planned with their mom. If you want to stay home, they’ll call their friends and say they can’t go out. They let every other person in their life fall to the side so they can be with you all the time. The problem with this is you can’t be their everything and they can’t (and shouldn’t) be yours. Having friends outside of your relationship gives you balance.
- Every disagreement feels like it will be the last. It might be a simple differing of opinions but it turns into the apocalypse. At least it feels that way. All of your disagreements turn into arguments and you’re sure it will be the last time because they sound like they can’t stand you. Usually, someone like this will flip faster than it takes to look at the side of the quarter that landed facing up. Your gut tells you to get out, but they turn so fast that you think you imagined it. You didn’t. Common disagreements are normal. They shouldn’t leave you feeling like it’s the end.
- You accept blame to avoid their reaction. If you start taking the blame for things you can’t control or have nothing to do with you, there’s a problem. They’ll come to believe that you are to blame. You need to be able to stand up for yourself. If their reaction to realizing that they’re in the wrong is so intense that you accept all blame, it’s only going to get worse.
- They get mad when you don’t know what they’re thinking. No one can know what the other is thinking all the time. It’s one thing if you’ve talked about the issue at hand in the past and you should remember their stance on it. If they think you should know them well enough to be able to figure out what is on their mind, there’s a major problem. Communication is a two-way street and both of you should be able to talk about what’s on your mind. Neither of you should be expected to be a mind reader.