The ultimate question: Should you give him a second chance? We have all been there. Sometimes the decision is easy, but sometimes it gets a little murkier. Objectively, you would probably tell a confused friend to: Forget him! Move on! You could do so much better! But subjectively, it’s always a little more complicated than that. Not to mention that it’s every girl’s fantasy to have that guy who screwed her over come back to grovel on his hands and knees, begging for her forgiveness. Whether you choose to give him the second chance he probably doesn’t deserve or send him packing, that moment is one of beauty. Can you say sweet, sweet revenge? Either way, there are a few things you should probably consider before you welcome him with open arms – or, you know, slam that proverbial door in his face.
How serious was it?
The length of the relationship is a huge factor in whether it’s worth giving him another shot. If you were together for years, and grew apart, you might be able to work on that. If it only lasted a couple months and you were fighting like Sammi and Ronny (is it too late for Jersey Shore references?) the whole time, maybe it wasn’t the greatest match.
Why did you break up in the first place?
There are endless reasons for breaking up with someone. Endless. If you broke up during one especially intense fight, maybe you were both too caught up in the moment and your own pride to see the big picture. Or maybe he just “forgot” to show up to your sister’s birthday party, or he has a habit of flirting with other girls when you are just out of earshot. Whatever it was, it’s definitely worth revisiting the original reason for getting rid of him. If it’s something that’s going to require some heavy couple’s counseling, think about if you’re willing to commit to that.
How was the sex?
Sex isn’t everything, you’re right. But it could be, under the right circumstances. No one’s saying getting back with him has to mean he’s your future husband. If the sex was mind-blowing, no one would judge you if you took him back just for a little more of that. Literally, no one would judge you. Just be honest with yourself if that’s all you are really looking for here. Chances are, he won’t object either.
Can you trust him?
For girls, trust is a huge deal. No matter what kind of relationship you’re in (casual, serious), it’s important that you trust the guy you are with. If he cheated on you, will you be able to be his girlfriend again without having unlimited access to his email, texts, Skype chat history, and internet browser history? And if not, do you want to be that girl? It’s exhausting to constantly wonder where he is, and if he’s being a douche. It will take work to get back the security you had before the breakup. Think about if you’re willing to put in the work to get back to a place where you can uninstall the GPS tracking device you secretly installed on his phone.
Have you already (mostly) moved on?
Chances are, if you’ve already stopped pining after him and accepted it’s over, you aren’t going to want to let him back in. If it was easy to get over him, maybe he wasn’t as great as you thought. If it’s been months, and you’ve done the tough work of erasing him from your life, do you really want to give up the new, independent, strong you for a guy who already decided once that you aren’t the one for him? Sure, there might be exceptions to this rule, but that’s for you to decide.
What are his reasons for wanting you back?
Was he finally rejected by the 20-year-old gymnast he dumped you for? Is he having a hard time at work? Have his friends shunned him for the way he treated you? He better have had a damn good reason for giving you up. But let’s face it, if he did, he probably wouldn’t be shivering on your doorstep right now looking for a second chance. But maybe he’s realized what he gave up and sincerely regrets it (don’t laugh, it’s possible). Basically, he should be able to clearly articulate why he wants you back. If he can’t, don’t be surprised to be on the business end of yet another “it’s not you, it’s me…” talk within the month.
How has he gone about asking for another chance?
The late-night drunk “hey” text is not going to cut it, buddy. Guys get brave when their attempt at picking up a one night stand has failed miserable – and oh, hey! Look, your number is still in his phone. Can’t hurt to try, right? Drunk, horny guys will say anything they think you want to hear to get in your pants. Asking for a second chance at 2am on a Saturday night is never, never (did I mention never?) genuine. Ignore that booty call disguised as an apology and block his number.
"list">*Disclaimer: Not that sleeping with him again is inherently wrong, just don’t make it so easy for him. Trust me.
Will he fit back into your life?
You probably spent some time bad mouthing him to your friends, so expect some backlash from them if you decide to let him back into the circle. Depending on the severity of the breakup, your friends could trust your judgement, or they might call you totally crazy and refuse to tolerate his presence at any group gathering ever again. Or, if you’ve made a lot of big changes as a result of your breakup, will taking him back mess up the new life you have started?
Ultimately, whether you should take him back or not should be decided on an individual basis. Things that are a deal breaker for some people are acceptable to others. People can change, believe it or not. Except maybe that stoner guy who turned your empty Gatorade bottle into a bong. Don’t take that guy back.
Courtney is a freelance writer and editor from Toronto, Canada who has loved to write since her first short story in Grade 4 (Jimmy and the Haunted House). She hopes to get around to writing a novel one day, but for now relationships, entertainment, and pop culture keep her busy. Read more of her writing here and follow her on Twitter @courtooo (Feel free to say hi!)
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