9 Challenges Anti-Social Women Face

9 Challenges Anti-Social Women Face

To be honest, I’m the most anti-social person I know. While I have many friends whom I love and care about, my tolerance for everyone else is pretty low. I’ve built this wall around me, and I like living on the other side of my wall, far away from people.

It’s not easy being so anti-social. I mean, I’m fine with it, but the people around me aren’t. My preference to be left alone 90 percent of the time seems to be an annoying part of my personality for my friends — and that’s just one of the struggles I face. If you’re anti-social, too, you’ll probably relate to these challenges:

  1. Whenever you make plans, you immediately start thinking about ways to get out of them. It’s like I enjoy the idea of going out and socializing, but only in theory. So, I make plans in the moment and am genuinely excited about the plans for a whole 20 minutes, then I start thinking about ways to get out of them.
  2. You’re constantly paranoid that someone will figure out your methods of avoidance. Although I don’t really give a damn all that much if someone gets pissy about me avoiding them, what does drive me nuts is that the person in question will figure things out. Like when I get a text and don’t respond right away. Obviously, my phone is in my hand at ALL times, so I did get the text about drinks later, but then I have to pretend that I was asleep, lost my phone in a cab, or it fell in the toilet when I finally return the text four days later.
  3. Incessantly having to fake like you’re in the middle of an important phone call. As a way to avoid neighbors, banter with the people at Starbucks, or even if I run into someone I know on the street, I always pretend I’m on a really important phone call at all times. I also move very fast, because in doing so people will think I’m in a rush and will leave me alone.
  4. You have to deal with the whole, “But you didn’t say goodbye before you left!” routine from people when you do decide to jet. I came to your party, I brought a bottle of wine, I was cordial, and I even smiled – what else do you want from me? I’m not going to chase everyone down to say goodbye when I want to leave.
  5. Having to keep track of what lies you’ve told to get out of social engagements. No joke: I actually keep of list of who I’ve told what in order to avoid socializing or events. I have it mapped out in my head who I can tell what, based on the chances that they’ll run into each other, as well as what lies to get out of socializing that work best for each person.
  6. Getting aggressive texts about how your voicemail is full. Again. I keep my voicemail full for one reason and one reason only: I don’t want people leaving me voicemail messages, because I have zero intention of listening to them EVER. So I just let them build up, then deal with texts about how I need to clean out my voicemail. Nope, not gonna do it.
  7. Living in fear of small talk is just part of life. If I’m in an elevator, I always hit the close door button immediately, I avoid making eye contact with cashiers so they won’t talk to me, and if I leave a place with someone a barely know, like a friend of a friend, I’ll go in the opposite direction if I have to, so I can shake them. I can’t and won’t do small talk. I’d rather sit in awkward silence and stab my eyes out, to be honest.
  8. Having to explain and re-explain to your friends that it’s not about a lack of interest or love, but a dedication to your alone time. While my fellow anti-social friends get it, everyone else is seriously confused by why I just want to be left alone. It’s like they just can’t, for the life of them, wrap their head around such a thing. It’s so exhausting to have to tell you friends for the 100th time that, no, I’m not mad at you, I just want to be left alone. Sometimes I wonder why I even have friends.
  9. Seriously wondering what the hell is wrong with you. As much as I love being left alone, I sometimes wonder why this is the case. Did something in my past make me this way? Did my parents leave me alone for days on end when I was six years old and I really loved it? Like, what is it? But then, after a whole five minutes, I quit concerning myself with it and get to work on my list of excuses and lies as to why I can’t hang out with someone. Because I know I’m going to get a text before the night is over, and I want to be prepared.
Amanda is a writer who divides her time between NYC and Paris. She's a regular contributor to Bustle, Glamour, Mic, and Livingly. Other bylines include: Harper's Bazaar, YourTango, The Atlantic, Forbes, YouBeauty, Huffington Post, The Frisky, and BlackBook.