Some of the best people in the world are those who really listen when you have something important to say. They’re not just half-tuned into your conversation – they give you all of their attention. They make you leave the conversation feeling truly seen and heard, and maybe even like you’ve just left a mini psychology sesh. It’s awesome. But how do they do it? Here are some phrases attentive people use to show they’re truly listening. Keep ’em in your back pocket the next time your friend comes to you to vent about a problem.
1. “Let’s Go Somewhere Quieter.”
When an attentive person can see that you need to talk to them about something, they’re going to have the kindness to take things to a quieter area so you don’t have to shout above the noise in a restaurant or club. This tells you that they’re going to give you their full attention without any distractions and they’re not going to speak about your personal problems in front of others. Nice one.
2. “Spot On.”
When you’re telling an attentive person a story, they’ll nod and agree with you at certain points, such as by saying “Spot on!” This has the effect of encouraging you to continue with what you’re saying and can help you to feel supported and listened to. They’re not mindlessly looking at you and waiting for you to speak as though they’re not even fully present in the moment. Instead of saying “Spot on,” you could say, “Right” or “Makes sense.” These keep the conversation going.
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4. “So, What You’re Saying Is…”
Active listening isn’t just about listening – it’s about engaging with the other person. So, a good way to show that you’re listening attentively is to repeat what the person has said back to you. For example, by saying, “So, what you’re saying is that you feel like your boyfriend is criticizing you a lot.” Once they confirm this, they can continue. Or, they could adjust what they’ve said to give you a better idea of what they mean.
5. “And Then What Happened?”
This is an example of a phrase that shows someone you’re invested in what they’re telling you. You’re interested and care about what they have to say, instead of letting the conversation fizzle out like a real-life version of stopping a text convo halfway through. (Ugh.) Instead of saying, “And then what happened?” you could use equally effective alternatives like, “What did you do next?” or “How did you deal with that?”
6. “That Sounds Really Difficult.”
If someone is explaining how they’re struggling in their relationship or job, it’s useful to show you’re listening to them and empathizing with them, such as by saying, “That sounds really difficult/challenging/stressful.” This phrase helps the person to continue their story while making them feel your support. Empathy is a big part of active listening, so try to put yourself in their shoes.
7. “What Do You Think About That?”
Attentive listening can help people to figure out how they feel about things. So, phrases such as “What do you think/feel about that?” can be useful for the person, while sometimes being a helpful way to move past an uncomfortable pause in the conversation. “What do you think/feel about that?” also shows the person that you’re thinking about what they’re saying and how they feel, instead of just taking the conversation on a surface level.
8. “It’s Clear To Me… “
Maybe while the person is telling you what’s on their mind you can tell that they’re not happy even though they’re claiming to be. Checking body language cues can help you to better engage with them. So, for example, you might say something like, “It’s clear to me that you don’t seem happy with the situation” or “Your body language tells me you’re feeling confident.” Non-verbal cues are a huge part of communication, so keep your eyes opened for them.
9. “Can I Tell You What I Think?”
A common listening faux pas is jumping in with your own solutions to the person’s problem, instead of letting them make their own decisions. So, instead of interrupting or telling the person what you think, which is annoying, you should first ask them, “Can I tell you what I think?” or “Would you like to hear what I’d do in that situation?” This is respectful and encourages the conversation to continue, instead of shutting it down.
10. “I Disagree, But Go On…”
You might not always agree with what the person’s saying. For example, perhaps they’re saying they had no choice but to snoop through their BF’s phone to find out if they were cheating. You might disagree with this statement, so you could say so, while still trying to encourage them to continue. Don’t shut them down or argue with them. If you must disagree, do so politely without putting them off. You could say something like, “I disagree with what you did/think, but go on.”
