You just want a happy, healthy relationship, but you end up meeting someone who uses gaslighting to manipulate you and get you to bend to their will. This tactic is toxic and actually pretty abusive, but it can be hard to see it in the moment since some of the things they say seem so innocuous and like no big deal. However, gaslighters love using these phrases to get their own way — keep them in mind and if you hear them, get out ASAP.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
Have you ever been told this when you express your feelings or concerns? Gaslighters use this phrase to make you doubt the validity of your emotions. They might imply that your reactions are exaggerated or unwarranted. But here’s the truth: your emotions are valid! Don’t let anyone dismiss them. Your feelings are your own, and no one else can define how you should experience them.
2. “You’re overreacting.”
Gaslighters love to downplay your reactions to their actions. If something genuinely upsets you, it’s okay to express it. When they say, “You’re overreacting,” they may be trying to make you feel like you’re making a big deal out of nothing. But remember, you have the right to express your feelings. Don’t let anyone make you feel like your emotions are excessive.
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4. “You’re making things up.”
Gaslighters may deny your version of events, making you question your memory and sanity. They might say, “You’re making things up” when you clearly remember something differently. Trust your recollection of the facts, and don’t let anyone rewrite your reality. Gaslighters may twist the truth to suit their agenda, but your memory is a reliable source of information.
5. “You’re crazy.”
This is a classic gaslighting phrase. It’s meant to undermine your sanity and self-worth. When someone calls you “crazy,” it’s an attempt to invalidate your thoughts and feelings. But remember, you’re not crazy; you’re just dealing with someone who’s trying to manipulate you. Your thoughts and emotions are entirely valid.
6. “You’re just seeking attention.”
Gaslighters often accuse you of seeking attention when you express your needs or concerns. They might say, “You’re just seeking attention” to belittle your genuine needs. Don’t be afraid to vocalize your needs—you deserve to be heard and supported. Seeking attention is a natural human need, and there’s nothing wrong with expressing yourself.
7. “You’re so paranoid.”
When you express suspicions about their behavior, gaslighters may dismiss you as paranoid. Trust your intuition; it’s there to protect you. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s essential to explore those feelings and not let anyone convince you that you’re overly suspicious. Your gut instincts are a valuable tool for self-preservation.
8. “You’re the problem.”
Gaslighters like to shift blame onto you. They might say, “You’re the problem,” to deflect responsibility for their actions. Remember, it takes two to tango, and it’s not always your fault. Don’t internalize their blame game. Instead, hold them accountable for their actions and choices.
9. “You’re just imagining things.”
Gaslighters may try to convince you that you’re imagining problems that don’t exist. They might say, “You’re just imagining things” to make you question your perception of reality. Trust your instincts and don’t second-guess yourself. If something feels off, it’s worth investigating, and you shouldn’t let anyone dismiss your concerns.
10. “You’re so insecure.”
Gaslighters often attack your self-esteem to gain control. They might say, “You’re so insecure,” to make you doubt yourself. Know your worth and don’t let anyone undermine your self-confidence. Recognize that your self-esteem is separate from their attempts to manipulate you. You are strong, capable, and deserving of respect.
How to deal with gaslighters
1. Trust your gut.
If something feels off, it probably is. Gaslighters thrive on making you doubt your reality. Trusting your own experiences and feelings is crucial. Remember, you know yourself better than anyone else.
2. Keep Records.
When dealing with a gaslighter, it helps to have a record of events. This could be anything from saving texts to writing down incidents. It’s not about preparing for a courtroom battle but reassuring yourself that you’re not imagining things.
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4. Seek External Validation.
Sometimes you need an outside perspective. Talk to friends or family members you trust. They can provide a reality check and confirm that you’re not overreacting or misinterpreting the situation.
5. Set Boundaries.
This is a big one. Clearly define what is and isn’t acceptable in how they treat you. Gaslighters often cross boundaries, so being firm and consistent about your limits is key.
6. Don’t Play Their Game.
Arguing with a gaslighter is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how well you play, they’re going to knock over the pieces. It’s often better to disengage rather than trying to win an unwinnable argument.
