You have high hopes for the new guy in your life but something just isn’t quite right. If you’re unsure whether or not there’s long-term potential, here’s how you know it’s not going to work out.
He’s perfect… on paper. You can make a list and check it twice, but love doesn’t care if he has a good job, lives in the right neighborhood, or even likes the same music as you do. Often times, after a breakup with the “wrong” person, we try to check off boxes in the next relationship to shield ourselves from being disappointed again. The problem with this approach is that on-paper-perfect doesn’t always translate to real-life chemistry. If you ignore the feeling that something intangible is missing because he comes from a good family and has the same shows in his Netflix queue as you do, you’ll regret it in the end.
One of you is over-eager. There’s nothing wrong with being excited about a new relationship and the connection you feel while in one. Still, there is such a thing as being too eager for disingenuous reasons. I’m talking about rushing to make things official or exclusive just because you want to be in a relationship again or because he seems so perfect. Take your time to really know. Sometimes “too good to be true” really is and sometimes it’s exactly what you’ve both been looking for. Just take the time to be sure which it is.
You want to feel the chemistry more than you actually do. Just like being in love with the idea of being in love, this frame of mind can be the downfall of your relationship. Maybe you’re over being single. Maybe you’re remembering how great it can feel to have a live-in best friend. However you got here, you want to feel a connection to someone so bad that you’re creating a connection where none exists. Ask yourself if you really get all the feels when you see him or if you’re just excited to have someone to see.
You’re still thinking about your ex when you’re with him. Here’s one that a lot of us have been guilty of. Thinking about your ex is not a problem by itself. He was a big part of your life for a time and it’s normal for thoughts about those times to pop into your head. The problem arises when some part of you (or all of you) still wants to be in that relationship. If your heart is still in an old relationship, you can’t give it fully to this one. It’s bound to fail no matter how great of a match the two of you are.
You’re less and less excited to see him but you’re still going through the motions. There comes a point where your heart know the jig is up but you try to salvage things anyway because you don’t want to believe you failed. It’s important to listen to your gut. Don’t ignore the signs. Telling yourself things are fine when they’re clearly not won’t salvage anything.
He gets lazy about planning dates. You’re not the only one who can make or break this next relationship. You could be doing everything right, trusting your instincts, putting yourself out there, and fully giving your heart to him. He could be the one who isn’t doing any of the above. If it feels like he’s losing interest, he probably is. If you’re always the one reaching out and planning dates (especially if that wasn’t the case at first), he’s probably not as excited about this relationship as you are.
It feels like he’s just making excuses to reschedule. Even more glaring of an issue is one excuse after another explaining why he can’t make the dates that you spent the time planning. If you need further explanation on this, it’s time to start recognizing the signs that he’s just not into you.
All of his excuses sound like BS. We all knew that Kelly Kapowski was BS-ing when she said she had to stay in on a Friday night to “wash her hair.” If you take a step back from your emotions and use logic to see the signs, you’ll be able to detect the red flags a little better than poor Zack Morris.
You feel like you’re ignoring a gut feeling that something isn’t right. Sometimes it’s not super obvious. He’s a nice guy and you’re trying to really open yourself up to love. Neither of you is ghosting and the attraction is there on both sides, but if something still feels off, move on. Life’s too short to waste your time on something that’s all wrong for you.
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