You might tell a small fib to people around you to save face, but are you lying to yourself? Maybe you’re in a relationship you desperately want to be happy even though it’s not. Or, maybe you’re using lies to make yourself feel better about how your life’s falling apart. Although lying to yourself can soothe you in the present moment, it’s not doing you any favors in the long run – and it’s making you miserable. Here are nine signs you’re lying to yourself and how to quit this bad habit.
1. You Feel Anxious all the time.
Anxiety can sometimes be a sign that something’s off within you. If you ignore your feelings regularly, your body could rebel by making you feel anxious. So, when a panic attack comes on, see if there are any triggers. Maybe you just told your friend you’d love to help her plan her birthday party even though you’d rather have a double root canal, or you try to pretend you want to go through with your wedding because it was so expensive, but now the truth of your feelings is catching up with you.
2. Your Feelings Clash With Your Words.
You lie to your frenemy that you’d love to help her study. You lie to your BF about wanting to go away for a trip to the mountains. You lie to yourself about being a “yes” woman. Meanwhile, your feelings are not enthusiastic at all! Why live like this? When you’re alone, ask yourself how you truly feel. Your emotions are valid. If they’re always contradicting what you try to tell people and yourself, it’s worth taking a deeper dive into them.
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4. You Feel So Drained.
It’s so draining to keep lying to yourself. You have to keep track of all your lies and you can’t look at yourself in the mirror because you don’t know who you are anymore. And for what? Try to start expressing your real feelings to yourself or in a journal, and see why you’re putting so much pressure on yourself to be a certain way, instead of focusing on the truth. Yes, the truth can be difficult, but it really is liberating.
5. You’re Ignoring The Facts.
You know the guy you’ve started dating is showing red flags, but you’re pushing them away because you don’t want to smash the illusion that he’s perfect for you. So, you lie to yourself, pretending that everything’s totally fine and it’ll all work out. Right. But what about the long run? Think about the consequences of lying to yourself, such as that you’ll be in a toxic relationship, wasting your life away. It’s so not worth it.
6. You Focus On Someday In The Future.
You might be lying to yourself about the present moment being great to help you stay focused on having a brighter future. Look, this isn’t always harmful – you’ve got to fake it ’til you make it, right? But, if you’re pushing aside the present moment, you’re missing out on opportunities to enrich your life. Even if you’re not feeling good about everything RN, you don’t want to live through the motions. Try to meditate to immerse yourself in beauty that’s around you and see what you can learn from bad moments. You’ll grow more than if you turn a blind eye to them.
7. You Tell Yourself You Just Need More Time.
You might lie to yourself by saying you’d be able to achieve your goals if you just had a bit more time. This can help you feel less guilty about not dedicating time to chasing your dreams and passions, because your schedule is busy. But, you’re just using that as an excuse so you don’t have to deal with the tough feelings and challenges involved. Hmm. Try to explore why you’re really avoiding what’s on your to-do list, such as if you’re a full-blown perfectionist and it’s getting in your way.
8. You Try To Change Others.
Instead of dealing with the reality of your situation, such as your toxic relationship, you might think you can solve your problems by fixing your partner. Yikes. So, you might try to get them into rehab, be nicer so they won’t have such anger issues, or whatever it is that feels like it’s preventing the sun from streaming into your relationship. Sorry, but you’re lying to yourself. You can’t change someone else – you can only change your situation and change yourself!
9. You Try To Appear Perfect.
A common reason why people lie to themselves is that they try hard to appear perfect. They want to seem like they’ve got it all together, even if they’ve got chaos within them. Maybe you try to look happy and put together so people see you as confident and strong, and you lie to yourself that you’re okay. Or, you tell yourself that if you seem perfect, you’ll be fine. But that’s a lie! You’re avoiding reality, such as owning up to your mistakes and failures so you can grow.
10. You Make Generalizations.
To deal with failure, such as if you can’t get a YA novel published, you tell yourself that the publishing industry is messed up. Or, to make yourself feel better about how upsetting dating is, you tell yourself no one on dating apps is looking for a real connection. You’re using generalizations to feel better, but you could be eliminating opportunities by believing them. Try some different perspectives on for size to avoid becoming negative. That’s no way to move forward!
