Being able to tell when someone’s not that into you is a vital skill in the dating world. Pursuing someone who just doesn’t like you is a waste of time and often leads to disappointment; it’s best to quit while you’re ahead. The problem is most people are too polite to say that they don’t like you, so learning to decipher behavior is super important. Fortunately, the red flags are quite obvious. Here are nine warning signs that he’s not that into you.
- He doesn’t call you back. If he’s into you, he’s definitely responding to your calls and texts. Think about how you feel when someone you like calls or texts you. Sometimes, just one simple message from them can brighten up your whole day! You would never forget or choose not to reply to someone you like. There might be an exception every now and then, say if he’s working or has a lot going on. But if he’s consistently not getting back to you, it’s a pretty obvious red flag.
- You always have to initiate the conversation. Similarly, a guy who likes you will initiate the conversation with you, at least half of the time. If you find that you always have to message him first, and if you don’t then the two of you don’t speak, chances are he’s not into you.
- His messages are inconsistent. Typically, mixed messages aren’t a great sign. They often mean that a guy doesn’t like you like that, but feels too awkward to tell you. For example, if he says he wants to catch up with you, but always bails, that’s a mixed message. Or if he responds to your texts, but never texts you first, that’s a mixed message. And they usually mean he’s not into you.
- He only makes plans with you at the last minute. A guy making plans with you might seem like a strong sign he likes you. But not all plans were created equal. If he only texts you at the last minute, maybe an hour before he wants to catch up with you, it’s not a great sign. Often, this means that his other plans fell through. Or you were his last resort. It’s different from him organizing a date with you ahead of time and sticking to that commitment.
- He always has an excuse ready for flaking. Bailing on your dates is another red flag that he doesn’t have feelings for you. Sometimes, this happens when he agrees to go out with you because he’s too polite to say no. Then when the time comes, he finds an excuse because he doesn’t really want to go through with it. Rather than saying that he’s not into you, he’ll always have an excuse ready.
- He doesn’t drive the conversation with you. It’s natural to want to get to know someone you like. When you have a crush on someone, you’ll probably ask them lots of questions and listen keenly to what they tell you. Conversely, if he doesn’t drive the conversation with you and doesn’t ask interesting questions to get to know you, he probably doesn’t like you like that.
- You go long periods without hearing from him. You know those people who come in and out of your life? Sometimes, they’ll text you consistently and make plans with you. Then you won’t hear from them for months. And then they might pop up again? That kind of person might be attracted to you, but he’s probably not seriously into you. Coming in and out of your life is a tell-tale sign. Those cycles where they keep disappearing without a trace most likely show that being with you is not a priority.
- He doesn’t care what you think. It might make you cringe when a guy shows off. Though you might roll your eyes when he tries to impress you, this is actually a good sign. People don’t typically make such an effort to impress people they don’t like. If you notice that he doesn’t try and impress you, however, it might mean he’s not into you. What does trying to impress you look like? Everyone is different, but it might include telling jokes to make you laugh or wearing his best clothes around you.
- He doesn’t make an effort to be near you in a group setting. The way a guy acts with you around other people can reveal a lot. Does he make excuses to come over and talk to you? Do you catch him staring at you? Or does he act like you don’t exist? Trying to be near you, staring at you from afar, or even trying to score some alone time with you are all signs that he might like you. But ignoring you, or treating you the same way he treats everyone else, might mean that he doesn’t.