When you find the one for you, nothing should be off limits. The reason for this is because the one for you shouldn’t be just your lover, but your friend too. If you can’t ask him these 13 questions or feel completely comfortable in doing so then he’s not the one for you, plain and simple.
- “Where do you see this going?” If you’re thinking someone is “The One,” then you’re probably not in the early stages of dating anymore and have solidified a relationship. Since this is the case, you should be able to feel completely comfortable asking this question. Not just because you have a right to know, but neither one of you should be wasting your time.
- “What are your sexual fantasies?” If you’re sleeping with someone and it’s more than just a fling, you should definitely be able to ask this question. Hell, even if it’s just a fling or a one-night stand, you should be able to ask this question. My thinking has always been that if you’re having P-in-V action, discussing sexual fantasies shouldn’t be difficult.
- “What about your family do you want me to know?” Who we are is shaped very much by our earliest years with our family. While friends definitely shape us in some ways, as we get older, it’s our family who really plays a role in the person we become. Because of this, you want to be able to feel comfortable asking your partner about their family and their upbringing just as much as you should feel comfortable sharing your stories too.
- “What do you consider cheating?” Because different people have different ideas of cheating, this is definitely a chat you need to have and should be able to easily ask. If your partner thinks only sex is cheating, while you think even a mild online flirtation is cheating, then this absolutely needs to be discussed.
- “What are your biggest fears?” Even those who claim themselves to be fearless have fears. Not only should you feel comfortable being able to ask this question but, if they’re the one for you, they should be comfortable in sharing their fears – no matter what they are. I once briefly dated a guy whose greatest fear (and I’m not even joking) was living his whole life without finding someone who could “properly” deep throat him. That was his major fear and his only fear. I didn’t judge him for his fear, but I did wonder exactly how that of all things became his fear. Needless to say, it didn’t last despite the fact that I felt comfortable asking him that. It ended for other reasons which, based on what I just wrote, shouldn’t be hard to figure out.
- “What are your dreams?” Similar to fears, we all have dreams for the future. My last serious partner, despite being in his late 40s, still had dreams of being a rockstar – good for him, but not so great for me. Still, the point is, you should be able to comfortably ask this question and, just like when you ask about someone’s fears, not judge them for it.
- “What do I do that’s annoying?” Even if you’re afraid of the answer, this is a question that you should be able to ask your partner. Why? Because we all have annoying qualities and when we’re made aware of them, we can tone them down a bit.
- “How can I be a better partner?” Although no partner is perfect, you want to be able to ask this question and feel comfortable doing so. Maybe you can be a better listener, maybe you could put your phone away during dinner, or maybe you could let them choose the movie for movie night for a change.
- “What’s your darkest secret?” While you partner might not be willing to admit to their darkest secret, depending on how dark it is, you should still feel comfortable enough to ask, to not judge whatever they say, and also let them know that if they’re not ready to share it, that’s OK too. You’ll be there when (if) they’re ready.
- “What should I know about your sexual past?” Although one’s sexual past is indeed their past and doesn’t necessarily concern you, you should still feel at ease asking the question. You shouldn’t pry, you shouldn’t demand the number of sexual partners, but you should feel comfortable in asking – and comfortable if he says it’s his past and he doesn’t want to discuss it.
- “What can I do make our sex life better?” While making your sex life better definitely takes two people, if you can ask this question, then you open up the conversation and can have a dialogue. Even the best sex lives always have room for improvement.
- “Do you want kids someday?” Although statistically, fewer people are having kids than in generations past, it’s still a question you should feel comfortable asking — especially if you’re in a serious relationship and are thinking kids might be in your future. If they’re not in your partner’s future plans, you need to know sooner than later. People who don’t want kids rarely change their mind on the subject.
- “Can you be completely yourself with me?” If the answer isn’t a wholehearted YES, then you might need to talk about why he can’t be completely himself with you. Either way, you need to feel comfortable enough to ask, if you want proof that he’s “The One.”
