He Seemed Awesome But Turned Out To Be Terrible—Here Are 13 Subtle Signs I Missed

I met him on a dating site and fell for him once we met in person. I thought he was amazing: sweet, funny, and sexy but in reality, he was anything but. I was blinded to what he was really like but I won’t make that mistake again. Here are 13 red flags I ignored.

  1. He looked pissed in his profile pics. A guy who doesn’t smile in his profile pictures is troubling. This guy looked brooding and mysterious, but honestly, if I think about his photos now, he was just a douchebag with a bad attitude. It’s not sexy.
  2. He wasn’t chill AT ALL. On our first date, I took a bit of time to choose what I wanted to eat and he made a huffing noise, then he said I was overthinking things. I laughed, thinking he was joking, but looking back, he was showing how quickly he’d become irritated. Ugh.
  3. He got too comfortable. When I invited him to my place for the first time, he was quick to sit on the kitchen counter and put his feet up on the coffee table when we watched a movie. It looked like he was comfortable, but the dude was rude AF!
  4. He was too charming for his own good. Right from the first second I met him, he was super charming and flattering. He drove to my house across town just to give me a bunch of flowers. He was inviting me along for trips to the coast to meet his family… after three dates. It was way too much!
  5. He used to tease me. Before we even met in person, we chatted on the phone and seemed to get along really well. He was already teasing me and playfully mocking me by that stage. I didn’t think much of it and sadly thought we were clicking when it came to humor, but he was negging me.
  6. He tried way too hard. I didn’t find it strange that during a date he had to phone his dad to see how he was after telling me how close they were. But looking back, I see it was his way to come across as this amazing son and family man. Ugh. Overkill.
  7. His words didn’t match his actions. He was always talking about himself in a positive way, like saying how responsible he was and that he never drank when out with his friends because he was often the designated driver. In time I noticed how he was always the one getting drunk and taking risks, like getting behind the wheel after tequila shots.
  8. He saw my family as a challenge. He met my sister and they got along well, then he asked her if she thought our parents would like him. It was like he was just trying to get everyone to approve of him and he was in a mad rush to meet my loved ones. Meeting them was some sort of challenge to him. Even my sister thought it was dodgy.
  9. Everyone loved the guy. As I got to know him I realized he was very popular. He had loads of friends and people always gave him attention. The problem was it had gone to his head in a big way. He thought he was all that. Whatever.
  10. He spoke about money. Speaking about money is fine, as long as I know the person. This guy was telling me about how much money he was earning when he didn’t know me from a bar of soap. The first time he mentioned how much he earned was our second date. WTF? It put me off.
  11. He was a braggart. Not only did he love to brag in subtle ways, but he was a classic braggart: he’d talk about things in his life in a way that sounded like they were struggles he had to deal with when he was secretly proud of them. For instance, once he spoke about how he’s a nice person and it sucks ’cause it makes so many women come onto him. Meanwhile, he was the biggest flirt with an even bigger ego!
  12. He disrespected my boundaries. From early on, he was always trying to push the boundaries. When I said I couldn’t see him, he’d try to persuade me. No means no, buddy! Another example of how he pushed boundaries was when he was at my house and walked right into my bedroom, even though I told him that I didn’t like people going in there when I didn’t know them. He totally ignored me and went in anyway. What a jerk.
  13. He got into relationships for the wrong reasons. When I met him, I didn’t get desperate vibes from the guy. But then when we spoke about what we were looking for in relationships, he kept saying that all his friends were getting married and that made him want to meet someone. It seemed like he was just looking for a partner so that he’d feel like he was worthy. So messed up. As time went on, my feeling was confirmed. He wasn’t even acting like a boyfriend most of the time because he was always keen on being with his friends. It’s like a relationship was just for show so that he could continue the single life he wanted.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.