Narcissists and the holidays can be a recipe for disaster. While you’re trying to enjoy the festive season, your narcissist relative or partner will be trying to make everything about them. It’s a potential nightmare. But, you don’t have to let them ruin everything. Here are 11 ways narcissists will try to manipulate you over the holidays so you can be one step ahead of them.
1. Narcissists Will Try To Pit You Against Others.
Narcissists love creating drama. So, at the Christmas lunch with your friends, they’ll try to pit you against others or bring up feuds to get under everyone’s skin and destroy everyone’s good mood. Then, they can sit back, eat their turkey, and enjoy the show. The holidays are stressful enough, so you don’t need this twisted drama.
2. They Threaten Not to show up.
If they can see the holidays mean a lot to you, if you get into an argument with them (probably one they’ve started), they’ll threaten to not attend the holiday get-togethers that you’ve been planning for months. It’s their way of trying to manipulate you, such as by making you apologize for the fight even if you weren’t to blame for it or to change your plans to accommodate them.
3. They Pick A Fight.
Since narcissists don’t have any empathy, they won’t understand your happiness around the holidays. They also can’t handle the closeness of relationships. They just can’t handle all the good cheer. Instead of sucking it up, they want to ruin it. So, they’ll pick a fight with you just before Christmas to make you feel bad, or they’ll flirt with your bestie at the New Year’s Eve party they didn’t want to attend. It’s such an emotional rollercoaster.
4. They Make A Big Deal Of Your Gift.
Narcissists might try to make you feel special by gushing about how much you’ll love the gift you got them. This is to make you excited and feel drawn to them. But, closer to the time, they might tell you the gift didn’t arrive or they might give you something that you’d never want. It’s all to build you up and throw you down, make you happy and then throw you into disappointment.
5. They Love-Bomb You.
If you’ve just started dating a narcissist in hiding, around the festive season they might go OTT with love-bombing you. They’ll buy you expensive gifts, give you tons of attention, and make you feel like a million bucks by spoiling you with a beach vacation. But there’s a catch…
6. They Go AWOL.
After making you feel special, a narcissist might disappear for a while. So, when you’re planning festivities, they’re leaving you on “read” for days. This is weird as hell, but they do it because they tend to become anxious around the holidays. They crave constant attention and don’t have as much of it during the holidays.
7. They Try To Steal The Spotlight.
Since they’re so addicted to attention, narcissists will try to get as much of the spotlight as possible over the holidays. You can expect them to talk over everyone else at parties or ridicule you in front of your friends to be the funniest person in the room. Or, they’ll dominate conversations so they can snag more attention for whatever they’re bragging or boasting about.
8. They Tell You What To Do.
Everyone has their way of celebrating the holidays, but the narcissist in your life will try to control you by telling you what to do. So, when you’re decorating the Christmas tree, they’ll tell you how you’re messing it up. Or, when you’re planning family get-togethers, they’ll tell you who not to invite. They’re always seeking conflict and it’s exhausting.
9. They’re Low When You’re High.
Narcissists can become stressed out when other people are having a great time. Again, this is because they want attention and control. So, don’t be surprised if you’re in a jolly mood and they’re sulking or depressed. Ugh. To get more attention, they might try to bring up their previous upsets or even make up something so everyone feels bad for them.
10. They “Future Fake” You.
Future faking refers to when a narcissist promises you something, such as a holiday vacation, so they can get what they want RN, such as you pushing aside what they did to upset you. It’s all part of their game to make you feel they’re into you and to keep you hanging. Gross.
11. They Try To Get Back In.
Be wary of narcissistic exes who creep under the mistletoe around this time of year. They might text you to wish you happy holidays or to apologize for everything they’ve done. It’s their way to get control of you again. Or, to mess with you – they might text you messages to try to get a reaction from you, such as by wishing you a happy festive season from them and their new partner. Woah, shots fired.
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