Why The Holidays Are So Exhausting For Strong, Badass Women

If you’re a strong, badass woman and you’re starting to feel a little exhausted but you don’t know why, it’s simply because we’re in the thick of the holiday season now that we’ve reached mid-December. While it might seem strange that a strong, badass woman could be exhausted by the holidays, the holiday season is extra trying for everyone—especially us. Here’s why.

  1. It’s exhausting fielding questions about our relationship status. Whether we’re single or in a relationship, if we’re not married–gasp!–our relationship status is questioned. Why is a girl like you single? Why hasn’t your boyfriend proposed yet? What do you mean you date women? Ugh. Someone knock me out and wake me when it’s January.
  2. It’s exhausting having to play nice at holiday parties. From work holiday parties to friend holiday parties to—worst of all—family holiday parties, when you’re tossed in with people who don’t share your strength and badassery, it’s practically torture. Wait. Why is the girl from marketing coming this way? Wait a minute—why is she asking me about the new Taylor Swift album? Who the hell is Taylor Swift?! Someone put on a Bikini Kill album quick!
  3. It’s exhausting pretending to like gifts we don’t need or want. You know what my aunt gave me last year? Gold hoop earrings. I don’t like gold, I don’t wear earrings, and if you ever met me, you’d definitely say, without a doubt, “That girl is not a hoop kinda girl.” And yet, that’s what I got. And this year is going to be the same damn thing but probably heart-shaped instead. I’m not a heart-shaped kinda girl either.
  4. It’s exhausting being around negative energy. Sadly, holiday commitments put us in situations with people who aren’t just on completely different pages than us, but people with whom we’d never surround ourselves. Whether it’s the negative energy they exude or the way they just go about things, void of any true feelings or acts of kindness, it’s both exhausting and depressing.
  5. It’s exhausting trying to explain our badassery to family members. It’s like people who aren’t strong, badass women just don’t get it—at all—so we have to explain it to them again: “It’s not that we hate men or above relationships, but we put our career and ourselves first, and dammit, I own my sexuality and masturbation really is a girl’s best friend, and why am I the only feminist in this damn room?”
  6. It’s exhausting having so much downtime. While we absolutely enjoy some downtime, the holiday season just has so much of it! Between waiting for planes and trains, “relaxing” after holiday meals, and making small talk at holiday parties, it’s enough to drive any strong, badass woman insane. We need to be productive—like, start a revolution or something.
  7. It’s exhausting going holiday shopping for crap. Nothing can suck the joy and energy out of a human being quite like going to buy your sister a blender she “has to have” when you know what she actually really needs is a copy of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s We Should All Be Feminists—and a vibrator so she can finally and fully explore her sexuality.
  8. It’s exhausting arguing about politics with Uncle Joe. Although we all know that talking about politics at holiday family gathers is a huge no-no, in this politically charged era it’s impossible to ignore the orange elephant in the White House. So yes, we’ll get into it with Uncle Joe and anybody else who wants to go head-to-head and question our “snowflakeness,” and we’ll slay them with our knowledge of foreign policy, affordable healthcare, and all the rest of it, but afterward we’re going to need a nice long nap.
  9. It’s exhausting to shut the hell up. While getting into it with the Trump-supporting uncle is one thing, there are certain people we all come across during the holiday season where we just should not get into it at all. It’s in these instances that we need to just shut the hell up, and when you’re a truly strong, badass woman, keeping your opinions to yourself requires every single damn ounce of your being! A mere 10 minutes of keeping our lips buttoned and we need a one-hour nap.
  10. It’s exhausting not having more me time. Sure, you can sneak off and hide behind the Christmas tree or pretend you’re part of the menorah, but at some point, someone will find you and you’ll be dragged back into whatever social situation you were trying to escape. There’s little to no room for “me” time during the holidays and that can wipe us the eff out.
  11. It’s exhausting knowing we’re the only ones who know what’s going on. Not to say that everyone else we’ll be around during the holiday season is clueless, but, yes, everyone who isn’t a strong, badass woman is relatively clueless. Or so I’ve heard.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.