Watching a friend go through a breakup sucks. You can feel so helpless in the face of so much heartbreak, and it’s hard to know what the exact right thing to do is, especially if it’s a sticky situation involving cheating or really anything outside of the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. Here are some tried-and-true dos and don’ts for helping your BFF bounce back after she’s had her heart broken:
- Don’t bash her ex. If they she love her ex so much, the hurt wouldn’t be as bad as it is. Bashing their ex might seem like the thing to do to comfort them in the moment, but there’s a lot of things she loved about that person, and you don’t want to make it seem like she chose to spend time with a trash human. That’ll only make her feel worse. Keep your distaste for this jerk to yourself (at least for a while).
- Do listen. If she needs to rant a little, that’s okay! You might have to be prepared to listen to her say a lot of the same things repeatedly as she tries to verbally process what just happened. It’s a lot of upheaval to go through, and being a good listener is sometimes the best support you can give.
- Don’t try to push her into things she’s not ready for. Trying to force a friend to recover from a breakup by going out dancing always works in the movies, right? But real life isn’t like that, and for many people, that’s the last thing they want to do to commemorate the end of a relationship. You know your friend, so use your best judgement before trying to make her do something she really doesn’t want to do.
- Do give her space if she needs it. If she needs to be alone, that’s okay! It’s not a judgement on you or how much she values you. You can sometimes be a great friend just by dropping off some cookies on the doorstep with a note that says, “Call me when you’re ready for some company.”
- Don’t make her feel guilty for not being “over it.” Everyone moves on at their own pace. The one thing that definitely doesn’t speed that process along any is pressure from people to be officially over a breakup. Let her take the time she needs to heal without trying to push her down that path. She’ll be ready when it’s the right time for her.
- Do try to plan activities that have always been “yours.” If there’s something she used to love to do with her ex, sometimes it hurts more than it helps to try and reclaim that activity as her own. But you’ve been friends for longer, so you know there are some things you’ve done together that are just for the two of you. Try and plan some outings to do those things you both love; it’ll be a good distraction.
- Don’t compare her relationship to others. Comparing her failed relationship to someone else’s is never a good move. Two people are never the same, so not only is it pointless, but it could serve to make her feel badly about her decisions.
- Do let her know you’re there for whatever she needs. She’s your bestie, and you’re their ride-or-die. Give her the chance to call on you for whatever she needs help with, because that’s what a good friend does.
