There are few things as humiliating and heartbreaking as being friend-zoned by the guy you’re hanging out with. Being told by your crush that they like you “but not in that way” is worse than getting stood up in public on Valentine’s Day. Even worse is if they seem to cherish your friendship so much that they never even entertain the idea of you as a potential romantic interest to begin with. It leaves you wondering, am I stuck in the friend zone? Here’s how you know for sure.
- Does he talk to me about girls he likes? He wouldn’t talk about other girls if he saw you as a potential girlfriend unless he thinks making you jealous is a viable form of flirtation. If he talks about other women casually without any hint that he’s trying to provoke you, it’s probably because he doesn’t think of you as a romantic option.
- Is eye contact casual? When you have chemistry with someone, eye contact carries so many unwritten messages that it’s almost painful. You would notice an almost magnetic feeling that pulls your eyes to his even though you can hardly bear the intensity of what you’ll see. If your eye contact with him feels easy and incidental, your romantic feelings are not reciprocated.
- Do we always go out with other people? Always hanging out around friends is a sign that you’re not dating and he’s not eager to go in that direction. While he clearly enjoys your company, he isn’t trying to get to know you better in an intimate setting where you can focus on each other. If you are rarely alone together, it’s likely that he sees you as just a friend.
- Does he talk to me about his exes? Most guys don’t talk about their exes with girls they want to date. It’s a huge taboo and an instant turnoff. If he has basic social skills but still has no issues telling you stories about his exes or talking about a girl he misses, it’s probably because he sees you as someone he can confide in and hasn’t considered you as someone he could date.
- Is physical contact always platonic? If there’s sexual tension, you’ll feel an electric shock surge through your body at even the slightest touch. But if the attraction is one-sided, no type of touch will feel romantic. He can hug you, kiss you on the cheek, even accidentally brush your boob with his hand and there will be no indication that it had any effect on him.
- Has he ever tried to set me up with other guys? One of the most obvious signs that he genuinely likes you but only as a friend is if he tries to play matchmaker with you and one of his other friends. If he wanted to date you, he would be doing everything he could to prevent you from finding anyone else attractive, especially people he knows.
- Has he ever canceled plans with me to see other girls? Inconsistency is a major sign that a guy isn’t trying to seduce you. If he was, he’d be bending over backward to prove his interest and reliability. Prioritizing other women is an indication that you are in the friend zone and that no matter how much he likes you, you can’t compete with the prospect of a romantic partner.
- Have we made a marriage pact? A marriage pact is an agreement between two people to get married if they are still single by a certain age. This may seem like counterintuitive evidence of being friend-zoned because any talk of marriage seems like an indication of romance. But in reality, a guy who has feelings for you wouldn’t mention marriage for fear of seeming over-eager or too intense. A marriage pact is a backhanded way to dispel any confusion that there might be a hint of romance between you.
- Does he ask me for dating advice? Being upfront about his dating misadventures and uncertainties is a way that a guy firmly puts a girl in the friend zone. On the one hand, it’s a compliment–he values your judgment! But on the other hand, it’s a devastating rejection because it doesn’t even occur to him that talking to you about dating could be awkward.
- Does he notice when I go out of my way to help him? No matter how many favors you do for him or how much you put your life on hold to see him when he’s available, he doesn’t seem to notice. He takes your care and attention for granted and forgets even the grandest gestures you make. Despite this, you hold out hope that someday, he will come to his senses and realize that you’ve been there for him all along.
- Am I stuck in the friend zone? If you answered “Yes” to most of or all of these questions, you are definitely in the friend zone and are unlikely to get out of it. If you answered “Yes” to only one or two, you should just ask him whether or not he likes you because he’s sending mixed signals. It’s better to get the pain out of the way now and avoid wasting more time trying to read his mind.
