Are You A Bad Girlfriend? 14 Signs You’re Falling Short As A Partner

While you might think your partner’s the toxic one, perhaps you’re actually the cause of the drama in your relationship. Here are 14 signs your behavior is seriously problematic and you’re being a bad girlfriend. If you recognize yourself in the below, hopefully you can take a step back and get it together before you ruin things for good.

  1. You expect too much. You might want your partner to be your everything, but that can put loads of pressure on him while making you focus on all the ways in which he falls short. It’s not healthy. It also hurts you because you’re depending on someone when you’re supposed to be the architect of your own happiness and satisfaction.
  2. You don’t support him. You want him to be there for you, but are you supporting him? You might think that guys need less of the emotions stuff, but that’s BS. Everyone needs to feel that their partner has their back, even when they fail. Don’t cut him down.
  3. You badmouth his mother. Maybe she gives Jane Fonda in Monster-In-Law a run for her money, but that doesn’t mean you should be trash-talking her to her son. That just gives your boyfriend the impression that you’re a gossip and worse, that you won’t accept those he holds most dear. It can be a deal breaker.
  4. You’re expecting him to jump through hoops. We all want a guy who makes an effort to show us that he’s worthy of us, but that doesn’t mean you should expect him to move mountains for you just because you want to put him to the test. That’s manipulative.
  5. You’re not doing the same for him. If you expect him to do all the work while you sit pretty, that’s not OK. You’re supposed to meet each other halfway and put in the same level of effort if you’re going to make things work. No, you’re not a challenge by expecting him to do all the work means you’re being unfair.
  6. You think he’d be perfect if he just changed a few things. You want him to dress in a certain way and ditch his toxic friends. While you might think that you have good intentions for trying to change him, you should accept him for who he is. It’s not your job to be his manager, stylist, or life coach. He’s not a work in progress.
  7. You’re always trying to fix him. You might think fixing someone is different from changing them because if they need fixing then they have real problems and you’re a good girlfriend for trying to help them deal with them. Um, no. You shouldn’t have to fix anyone. It’ll just hurt you the most when you discover that the only person you can change is yourself.
  8. You keep him on a short leash. When you start dating, it’s only natural to want the guy to show you that he’s serious. He needs to text and call when he said he would and keep your date plans. That’s all true, but you have to be realistic. If he doesn’t text you right away every single time you send him a message, that doesn’t mean that he’s becoming lazy. Give him some breathing space.
  9. You want to be with him all the time. You might want to spend every spare minute you have with your partner, but that’s unhealthy and it doesn’t make you a good GF. In fact, it tells him that you have no life besides for your relationship and that you’re way too clingy.
  10. You never apologize. It’s great for your boyfriend to take responsibility for his mistakes, but what about yours? If you never apologize, then you’re not taking his feelings into account at all. You’re not perfect and you need to accept that.
  11. You treat him like hired help. If you call your boyfriend whenever you need help with something, from helping you move into a new apartment to getting him to fix your cell phone, you not only make him feel like you can’t do anything for yourself but you also make him feel like he’s just someone you’ll tip after you’ve ordered him around.
  12. You don’t treat him well in public. You don’t have to give him loads of PDA when you’re out in public together, but at least carry yourself in a way that shows him that he’s special to you. For example, don’t “tease” him in an insulting way around your girlfriends and don’t move away when he tries to hold your hand. If you do this, you’re playing with his feelings.
  13. You don’t have your own opinions. This is another sign that you’re being a bad girlfriend —and it’s not just hurting your partner. If you’re the “yes” girl who’s always available to your BF or you’re quick to follow his lead in the relationship, down to taking on all his opinions, then you’re not in a healthy relationship. He doesn’t want to date a lapdog!
  14. You’re jealous. Now, there might be good reason for you to feel jealous. Maybe he’s always flirting with other women or making you feel like his platonic friends are anything but. Still, there are other times when being jealous really is your problem instead of your partner’s. For example, you’re highly suspicious and confrontational about any interaction he has with other women. This can give you the “nuts ex-girlfriend” label really quickly, and for good reason.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.