Are You His Priority Or An Afterthought?

Whether you’ve been in a relationship for awhile or you just started dating, it’s important to know where you both stand with the person you’re seeing. Are you both committed to making each other a priority or does one of you not really care that much? Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to know how someone else feels, but if any of these 10 signs sound familiar, you’re only an afterthought in his eyes.

  1. You Feel Horrible Most Of The Time. You’re always in a bad mood, and that’s because you’re constantly waiting for him to initiate everything. Even when you reach out, he ignores you until he’s ready to talk. You’re not a priority to him. If you were, you wouldn’t feel so insecure. You wouldn’t be checking your phone every five minutes and canceling plans with friends on the off chance he might want to do something. This isn’t normal!
  2. He Doesn’t Invite You Anywhere. Work events, family dinners, birthday parties—he doesn’t usually invite you to these functions. And if he does, it’s usually last minute (and after you asked to tag along). If you were a priority to him, he’d take you everywhere. You wouldn’t have to ask or drop hints. He’d want you by his side so he could show you off.
  3. He Rarely Has Your Back. Would you call him if your car broke down in the middle of the night? Probably not, right? You know deep down taht he wouldn’t go out of his way to help you, and that’s a pretty clear sign he’s 1) a horrible person and 2) someone who doesn’t see you as a priority. Your overall well-being isn’t all that important to him. You shouldn’t be with someone like that.
  4. You’re Always Making Excuses. Not just to other people either—you make excuses in your own head too. He’s not ignoring my calls, his phone is dead. Sometimes, you even blame yourself. It’s not your fault that you can’t hold his attention. He doesn’t treat you like a priority because there’s something going on with him. It has nothing to do with your looks or your personality. It’s him, so don’t put yourself down on his behalf.
  5. He Makes You Feel Crazy. You’re not an extreme pushover. You’ve called him out on his crap many times. Unfortunately, he makes you feel insane for speaking your mind. That’s because he’s a skilled manipulator. He’s spent enough time with you to know what you’re insecure about and he uses those insecurities to his advantage. Instead of listening to you with respect, he immediately gets defensive and puts the blame on you. His favorite line? “We’re not in a relationship, so why are you acting like we are?”
  6. He Only Likes You At Night. You become his favorite person around midnight, which is when he’s drunk and horny. You might think it’s sweet that he ends his nights with you. But it would be sweeter if he ended them with you, completely sober. But that’s rarely the case, is it? That’s because you’re an afterthought. If you were a priority, he’d invite you out with him. Instead, he treats you like an Uber and calls you to pick him up from the bars.
  7. You’re Always Pissed At Yourself. You keep your schedule open on the off chance that he might ask you to hangout. When he doesn’t and you spend the night sad and alone, you regret your decision. This happens constantly and honestly, it’s not good for your mental health. Spending the night on edge, constantly checking your phone, is horrible. Trust me, we’ve all been there. That’s because we’ve all dated someone like him.
  8. You Don’t Know Anything About Him. Pretty much everything about him is a mystery. You don’t know his mother’s name, where he went to high school, or what age he lost his virginity. It’s not because you haven’t tried to connect with him on a deep level, it’s because he doesn’t let you in. His walls are up, and it’s because you’re not a priority to him. He’s not interested in letting you in.
  9. You Know You’re Not The Only One. He’s never admitted to dating other people but it’s abundantly clear he is. He’s always out partying with his friends and his dating apps are a little too visible on his phone’s home screen. He doesn’t treat you like the only one because you’re not the only one. Maybe he doesn’t want to commit or maybe he doesn’t like you enough to commit. Regardless, you’re not that special to him.
  10. He’s Never On Time. He always leaves you waiting. Plus, he’s a giant liar. He never shows up when he says he will and he constantly cancels plans last-minute. The worst part is that he never apologizes. How many times has he picked you up two hours late without offering an excuse? Would the correct answer be “always”? That proves you’re an afterthought. He squeezes you in between his other meet-ups because you’re just not a top priority.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.