When I was in college, I spent a lot of time comforting my girlfriends and wondering how they always seemed to get themselves mixed up with cheaters. I had always been proud of my ability to sense the BS in guys and steer clear of their advances. My sophomore year, everything changed. I caught my long-term boyfriend sleeping around, and my world fell apart. Suddenly, I couldn’t keep myself from attracting all the wrong men.
I tend to give off the vibe cheaters crave. When I’m out with my girlfriends, I go pretty hard. I’m that friend that always begs everyone to stay out a little longer and then suddenly it’s 2 AM and I’m asking people we just met where the next party is. I’m spontaneous, I love meeting new people, and I’m always down for a little adventure. Over time, I’ve realized that this is exactly the type of behavior that cheaters crave. The problem is, I’m not always that person. I love a fun night out, but I actually prefer to stay in. When this information sinks in, guys usually get bored with me, and that’s where the cheating comes into play.
I have more fun with them (at first). If there’s one thing I have to admit I like about a guy who tends to cheat, it’s his inclination to say ‘yes’ to life. Relationships with serial cheaters tend to start off with a whirlwind of crazy nights and over-hyped promises about the future. In the beginning, everything is still shiny and new. Once things start to calm down and begin to feel more like a committed relationship than a fling, I tend to get screwed over.
I’m over the “good guy” rhetoric. My unfortunate tendency to continuously pick cheaters started with the rise of the whiny, self-proclaimed “good guy“. I went on a few dates with these guys that would spend the entire time telling me about how unfair their lives had been up until this point. They felt like they were constantly getting screwed over by women that would leave them for the “bad boys” when, in reality, these guys were just boring as hell. My mind would begin to wander while I was on these dates, why wasn’t I taking more risks when it came to relationships? Unfortunately, my desire for something a little more “edgy” often led me to guys who didn’t want to commit to just one person.
Not all cheaters have the same red flags. I don’t like to make assumptions, but some cheaters give off so many classic signs they may as well write “I’m a cheater” on a billboard outside of their apartment buildings. If all cheaters were like this, I would never end up with one. The fact is, most cheaters are smart and calculating. I once dated a guy that had another girlfriend for a good four months before I started to realize something was off about him. It can be so difficult to weed out the cheaters from the honest ones.
I can’t resist the confidence cheaters give off. Cheaters tend to have inflated egos and think pretty highly of themselves. The world is theirs for the taking and, I won’t lie — that kind of confidence can be irresistible at first. It also doesn’t help that they tend to be pretty great in bed.
I always think things will be different next time. Despite my experiences, I’m an optimist. I may recognize similarities in a new guy that remind me of an old flame, but I try not to jump to conclusions. I continue to hold out hope that every new guy I meet can’t possibly be like the rest, but I keep getting burned.
I don’t think the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater” is true. I may be a bit naive for trying to see the good in everyone. After all, if a guy has cheated on someone else, why wouldn’t he cheat on me? I suppose the reason I think anyone can change is because I have changed. I’ve cheated a few times in my life and I moved on from those mistakes with a new outlook on relationships. My past has turned me into a more honest person and I’m sure that can happen to other people too.
I’m too empathetic. I don’t just dive into relationships with broken people in hopes that I can fix them. I do, however, empathize deeply with the guys I date. I always hope that I can be the one that’s special enough to show them some women are worth settling down for.
I’m too quick to give men the benefit of the doubt. When it comes to relationships, I’m not very needy. I’m a busy woman and I understand that the guys I date can get busy too. My first instinct isn’t to assume that they’re getting busy with someone else, and maybe it should be. If a guy tells me he’s going away for the weekend for a work retreat or he has to blow off our date because he has a huge mid-term coming up, I want to believe he’s being honest. It’s just so exhausting to be paranoid about what my boyfriend is doing all the time.
What’s life without a little drama? I like a little bit of excitement and mystery now and then. Dating total squares is never going to make me happy, so I’ll continue to go for the guys that give me butterflies. Playing it safe with the guys I date will always leave me wanting more. Eventually, I’ll find someone that loves me for me. Eventually, for someone, I will be enough.
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