Here’s Why It’s A Bad Idea To Date A Guy Who’s A Pushover

Sure, you may think that’ it’s “annoying” that your boyfriend can’t make a decision or seems too easily swayed by what other people think of him, but have you ever considered how that kind of behavior can completely ruin what you have together? Here’s why it’s such a bad idea to date a pushover.

  1. He’ll always end up changing his mind. Guys who are pushovers might seem like they want to be with you, but all it’s going to take for him to break up with you is for one friend to tell him he’s making a mistake or one experience to change his mind about you. Pushovers are easily influenced and can be swayed in favor of a random person’s opinion like THAT. It’s dangerous for you because you’ll never know when he’ll get the epiphany that he doesn’t want to be with you. He’s not grounded in his personal values because he doesn’t even know what they are, so don’t be surprised if he breaks up with you out of the blue.
  2. He might feel pressured to get into a relationship when he’s not really ready. He can see that everyone around him is getting into relationships and as a people-pleasing pushover, he just wants to do what’s normal and right, so he agrees to be your boyfriend. The thing is, he’s not normal and can’t handle normal adult responsibilities, so him choosing to get into a relationship with you is more like a wish on his part. He hopes he can hold on, but knows deep down that he probably isn’t ready for it which will eventually lead to a breakup.
  3. You’ll start to resent him for being selfish. He’s one of those people who’s easily influenced by those around him, even if it’s a waiter at a restaurant. In fact, he might put THEM before YOU and that kinda hurts. He can’t stand it when people don’t like him, which is the core of his inability to make decisions. You’ll think it’s sweet that he cares so much about other people in the beginning, but then you’ll eventually get pouty over how he always puts strangers before you. Anyone would feel the same way, so your feelings of resentment are totally valid. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.
  4. He’s more likely to cheat. He doesn’t have much of a backbone, so when a pretty girl comes his way and convinces him to sleep with her, he might think, “Oh crap, I’d better do this because I don’t want her to feel bad.” It’s also about him being too concerned about what other people think of him. Even though he’s in a relationship with you, he’s still going to need approval from other people. He’s constantly hungry for it. It’s just the way he’s wired.
  5. He can’t make decisions easily. It’s a little annoying as a woman to have to deal with a guy who can’t make a decision, but picture a guy who hems and haws over literally everything—that’s a pushover. You have to basically twist his arm just to decide where to eat. His inability to make decisions is going to kill the relationship in the end. It’s going to throw off the balance, leaving you having to do more for him than he’ll end up doing for you.
  6. You’ll end up hurt because of all the promises he’ll break. He’s a generally indecisive person and that’s not going to change just because he’s made a promise to you, the girl he loves. If he promises to take you out for dinner one night but then his mom calls him to come over and babysit her cat, he very well may drop his plans with you to make sure he doesn’t get in trouble. This is going to start feeling like neglect and you’ll inevitably resent him more and more for all the promises he’s breaking due to his need to please people.
  7. You’ll lose trust in him pretty quickly. He doesn’t even know what he’s doing, so how are you supposed to believe in him? It’s important for both partners to have trust in each other and if he has trouble sticking to a restaurant to go to for dinner, then how are you supposed to trust him to stick with you?
  8. He’ll lose confidence in the relationship very easily. Since he has people-pleaser written all over him, any little thing he does wrong will make him think he’s the worst boyfriend ever. Letting you down is like a death sentence and it will be a good enough excuse to end things altogether.
  9. He might start to blame you for “controlling” him. You’re not a controlling person, but the fact that you have to step in and make decisions or give him the answers for what he should be doing will make him start to think that you’re one of those girls who are controlling when all you’re doing is off-setting his inability to be confident in himself and his decisions.
  10. Chances are, he’ll never be ready for a relationship. There’s no use in really “waiting” for a pushover to eventually stop being a pushover, he’s going to have to figure that out on his own. If you try to change him, he’s only going to end up feeling trapped and resent you for asking too much of him. Trust me, it’s better to just stay away.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.