Badass Women Often Struggle Even In Healthy Relationships—Here’s Why

We’re strong, smart, independent and absolutely killing it in life AND love. We’ve finally found the guy of our dreams and things are going great… or at least they should be. On the surface, there’s absolutely nothing wrong, so why do our relationships feel so unsatisfying sometimes?

1. We don’t cut corners so we love really hard. We love our friends, our partner, our family, our pets and even our job really hard because we’re super dedicated to our lives. This is a beautiful thing, but sometimes when we love hard, we’re taken for granted by our loved ones and then we feel disappointed and unsatisfied because we’re not getting back what we put in.
2. We operate on a higher level than most people. Sometimes being this amazing means that we feel a little isolated. Some of us have probably achieved something incredible while in the midst of some kind of challenge in our lives. Unfortunately, when we’re on top of your life like this, we can feel lonely even if we’re in the most wonderful relationship in the world because we’re wholly responsible for smashing our goals. Our boyfriends can’t achieve your dreams for us.
3. We’re used to working tirelessly to get what we want. Sometimes, we get so fixated on working toward a goal that when we finally achieve it, we’re disappointed because the process was long, hard, and we learned so much about ourselves on the way that our ultimate desire changed. Ultimately, it’s a good thing because it shows that we’re dedicated and adaptable. In relationships, though, it can completely make us doubt ourselves if we worked really hard for a relationship only to feel like we don’t want it anymore once we finally have it.
4. We think ahead. Part of the reason why we have our acts together is that we’re constantly thinking ahead. Women like us search for ways to better our lives and situations. While this is a good quality in most areas of life, it can hinder relationships because instead of living in the present with our partners, we’re constantly looking forward to the next best thing. As a result, we can feel impatient and unsatisfied with the pace of our relationships.
5. We think that if we can do something, anyone can. Not everyone operates like us and if we expect our partners to always be high achieving, we’re bound to feel dissatisfied and disappointed. Achievement varies from person to person. What we think is high-achieving might not apply to someone else. Second, people’s priorities vary. We need to adjust our expectations sometimes but it’s hard.
6. We’re keen problem solvers. Many of us are fixers and doers. We’re skilled at identifying problems and figuring out exactly how they should be solved, but when the urge to solve problems starts looking like the urge to fix our partners, we have an issue. People can change, yes, but it has to be because they want to change.
7. We strive for perfection. If we’re in a great relationship with someone who’s less than perfect because, you know, they’re human, sometimes we’re going to feel unsatisfied. Still, we shouldn’t put so much pressure on ourselves and our relationships. Unless the guys we’re with are deliberately horrible to us, abusive, or doesn’t meet very reasonable expectations, our relationships aren’t necessarily doomed.
8. We’re particular AF. Women like us know ourselves pretty well and we’ve spent time reflecting on who we are and who we want to be. As a result, we can be quite particular about things. Because of this, we’re bound to be upset when things aren’t exactly the way we like them. The trick is figuring out the difference between annoying but tolerable behavior from a partner and absolutely unacceptable behavior from them.
9. We have wild imaginations. One thing that is common to women like us is our wild imaginations. Part of our ability to achieve is the ability to imagine the life we want in the first instance! As a result, many of us believe that those fairytales do exist. I’m not here to knock that or say that they can’t, but I do think that focusing on the fairytale relationship can diminish reality and lead to unsatisfaction. If we want our best lives, we have to envision them and then go for them.
10. We don’t want to admit that relationships are work. It’s hard to admit that a romantic relationship is a work, but it is. Think about it. When we get into a relationship, we’ve decided to be committed, attentive, loving, supportive and a whole host of other things that aren’t required in most other human relationships. Sometimes we might have to work just as hard at our romantic relationships as we do in our professional lives or in school. Real love is challenging, it has its obstacles and it’s not always going to be sunny and 75 degrees between us and our lovers. If there’s a solid foundation, though, things will be just fine.