I’ve Been Single For So Long That I’m Actually Starting To Enjoy It

Many people are terrified of being on their own, and I get it because I used to be exactly the same way. I used to avoid singledom at all costs, which led me to make some pretty bad decisions in love. Thankfully, I’ve since grown to not only appreciate being single, but I actually think I kind of prefer it.

  1. I’ve relaxed into long-term single life. In the beginning of being single, I asked why a lot. I couldn’t accept the fact that it just wasn’t time for me to be in a relationship. Instead, I had a lot of self-pity and I struggled with being happy. As it’s been so long now, my attitude has changed. I’m far more okay with being by myself. I’ve really relaxed into the idea of being single for a long time.
  2. Self-love is my middle name. As I’ve grown to accept being alone, I’ve also learned to start making the best of it. I’ve realized that I’m the only company I have, so I might as well learn to love myself. I started finding hobbies that I liked, creating space for friends, and practicing great self-care. I even stopped working at a job that was sucking away my soul and I took a leap of faith into the unknown. All of these actions were in the name of self-love.
  3. I have immense self-trust. I practice listening to my gut every day. When my intuition calls to me that something is wrong, I do my best to pause and see what my gut has to say. I do this by attempting to only act when I’m sure of something. I practice self-trust at work and I also practice it in dating. My intuition will be finely tuned if and when I do ultimately end up in a relationship!
  4. I’m an independent and successful woman. Some people aren’t dating because their life is a mess, but I feel really confident about the state of my life. I have career success, my own apartment, and I’m proud of the values I live. I go to sleep each night knowing that I have done the work to provide for and take care of myself. It’s pretty badass.
  5. My confidence is through the roof. I’m not single because I’m afraid or because I think I’m not good enough. Quite the contrary, I think I’m the bomb. I’ve built up this beautiful life filled with lovely people, values, and things. I know it’s great, so I’m not afraid to show my confidence about myself and my life.
  6. I’m unwilling to settle for anyone less than fabulous. Because my life is so great, I’m incredibly picky about who I let into it. I have a rule where I’ll only go on a date with someone if I’m super excited to go out with them. The rest of my life isn’t mediocre, so why would I settle for a partner who is? I’d rather just go back to my fabulous single life.
  7. I have a ton to offer in a relationship. If and when I do finally find myself with a partner, I’ll be ready. I’ve taken care of my baggage and I’ve done tremendous amounts of work on myself. I’m going to be a great half of a relationship. I’m loving, emotionally stable, available, a total babe, go-getter, and super compassionate. I mean, what more could you want?
  8. I’ve learned how to cope with loneliness in a healthy way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally living the dream with the single life. Life is great as it is, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t get lonely. Loneliness inevitably creeps up and requires me to pay attention to it. For a while, I would act on it, thinking I needed another person to dull the ache. Eventually, though, I grew to realize that loneliness is just a passing feeling. If I sit with it long enough, it’ll go away. I learned I can dull the ache in a more healthy way with friends, self-care, and just riding out the wave. All of these methods have fewer consequences than using people.
  9. Attempting to rekindle something with exes is totally out of the picture. Years ago, before I grew accustomed to the single life, I used to reach out to exes when the bite of loneliness persisted. I’d use them and maybe hope that we could make the relationship happen again. I failed to remember that the relationship was never “happening” in the first place, that’s why it was over. As I’ve grown in comfort about being single, I’ve stopped falling prey to the delusion that being with an ex is ever a good idea. Now I don’t even keep their numbers. I call a friend instead.
  10. I actually feel happy for nice couples now. For too long, I hated looking at couples. I’d see them in public and I’d want to make gagging noises. Especially if they were cute or affectionate. I have no idea when things changed for me, but I now often feel joy when I see sweet couples. Sometimes I resort back to my grumbling miserly ways, but mostly I can smile for them. Maybe that’s because I’m finally comfortable with me.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.