If Being With Him Requires Doing Any Of These Things, He’s Not The One

Breaking up with someone you really love generally sucks no matter how bad things are, but sometimes it’s necessary. It’s normal to make some sacrifices for our partners, but sometimes, we forget to take care of ourselves in the process of trying to make someone else happy. If you feel like you have to do any of these unhealthy things to keep your relationship together, do yourself a favor and just end it already:

  1. Pretending to be fine with things you’re not There’s a lot of pressure to be a “cool girl” when you enter the dating pool, and the pervasive ideal of gorgeous women who love sports and don’t mind their partners going to strip clubs definitely hasn’t helped. But no matter how much you love this guy, you should never feel like you have to keep your mouth shut about things that bother you. If he complains because you’re not cool with him flirting with other women or repeatedly canceling date night to hang out with the boys, maintain your boundaries and let him be a single man.
  2. Compromising your beliefs You’re bound to disagree on a few things; every couple does. The problem comes in when he reveals that he’s kiiiind of a racist or makes a few too many sexist “jokes” for you to think that he’s actually kidding. If you don’t see eye-to-eye on the things that are important to you, don’t just sit back and pretend like it doesn’t bother you. There are lots of guys out there who will share the same convictions you have, and you’ll be a lot better off with one of them.
  3. Losing your self-respect If he belittles you, calls you names, or makes you feel that you’re not worthy of him, leave. This kind of crap might anger you at first, but as it continues, you might find yourself starting to believe that you deserve the kind of treatment you’re getting. I don’t care how nice he is “most of the time.” Any man who makes you believe you’re less than what you are doesn’t deserve to be with you.
  4. Sacrificing your happiness No matter how much you love someone, it’s never worth it to stick around if you’re miserable. Sometimes even the best relationships take a turn for the worse, and although it can be hard to break things off, you’ll feel a lot happier when you do.
  5. Pretending to feel something you don’t Love fades away for all kinds of reasons, and it’s never anything you should feel guilty about. Staying with someone when you don’t adore him as much as you used to isn’t just unfair to you; it’s also going to hurt him. If the only reason you haven’t broken up with him is because you’re scared of breaking his heart, believe me when I say you’re doing a lot more damage by lying about what’s really going on in your heart.
  6. Putting yourself in danger The moment you feel like he MIGHT hurt you, run far and fast. A man who throws things when he’s angry, blocks your exit when you try to leave, or even just practices reckless behavior has the potential to seriously injure you… or worse. Even if it only happens once, grab your essentials and take the necessary measures you need to stay safe.
  7. Changing yourself Tough luck if he doesn’t like how short your skirt is or how much makeup you don’t wear. When he decided to date you, he signed up for YOU, not the paint-by-number woman he’d designed in his fantasies. It’s one thing to try to make your boyfriend happy, but if he’s trying to cut and paste his ideal qualities onto you, you’re going to be better off finding a guy who likes you just the way you are.
  8. Giving up your friends or family The moment he tells you he doesn’t like your BFF, put your guard up. You can hardly expect your partner to get along with EVERYONE in your life, but if he starts telling you that you shouldn’t be spending time with the people you love, consider it a red flag. Your friends and family were by your side long before this guy came around, and they’ll still be around once you dump his ass for trying to make you sacrifice the people you care about for him.
  9. Staying only for convenience Maybe you live together and it would be a pain in the ass to move, or maybe you’ve been together for so long that you feel like all that time would be wasted if you ended things now. Comfort can be a convincing motivator when it comes to deciding to stay in a relationship, but it’s hardly a good one. The longer you stay, the harder it’ll be to leave, so tear yourself away as soon as you can.
  10. Abandoning your dreams Turning down the job opportunity of a lifetime to be with your boyfriend on the other side of the country might seem like the right choice at the time, but you’re going to regret it sooner or later. If a relationship is meant to be, it’ll happen regardless of what life throws at you. Do what you want to do, and if this guy ends up not fitting into your plan, you’ll find one who will.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.