This Is The Biggest Mistake You Can Make In Dating

This Is The Biggest Mistake You Can Make In Dating

The future can be pretty scary, no matter how abstract it sometimes seems — but then again, so can the past. It’s tough to focus on the here and now when there’s always so much to worry about, especially when it comes to your love life. But the problem is that all that freaking out is only going to make you miserable. Here’s why not living in the moment is the biggest mistake you can make when it comes to dating:

  1. You can’t fix the past. You broke up with your ex-boyfriends for a reason. No matter how hard it is, you have to remember that. Dwelling on what went wrong won’t do anything except depress you. It certainly won’t help you find love now.
  2. You can’t phone in the first date. Okay, so you can, but you’re just going to come off as super rude and disinterested. You have to focus and be present in the moment. You want to get to know this new guy, learn as much as you can about him, and figure out if you want to see him again. You can’t do that when you’re worrying about whether he’s going to text you tomorrow or if you should have gone out with that other guy a second time.
  3. You only have right now. The future causes a lot of fear and anxiety, but the truth is that it’s not here now. All you have is right now. If you can’t live in this moment the way that you’re supposed to, you will not only ruin your chances of finding love, but you’re going to feel terrible along the way, and you probably don’t want that.
  4. You need to be yourself. You already know that worrying too much prevents you from being truly yourself. And showing people who you are is the only way to date. If you can’t do that, then you might as well take a break because you’re not letting new guys get to know you.
  5. You have no idea what could happen. When you freak out, you’re convinced that something bad is going to happen. But it probably won’t. Think about all the times that your fears came true. Everything usually worked out, right? Since you have literally no clue what can happen, you might as well be in a good mood, focus on what’s going on and stop spiraling.
  6. Being a perfectionist will only hold you back. When you want everything in your life to be perfect, from your job to your apartment to your relationship, you cause more problems than anything else. People aren’t going to act exactly the way that you want them to, and that’s actually okay. You can’t want everything to be perfect so much that you ruin your chances of enjoying the moment and finding real happiness.
  7. You can’t control as much as you think. Sure, you can choose who you give your heart to and who you ignore forever, but the guy you’re with isn’t going to act according to a script that you wrote for him. Things are going to go wrong and you’re both going to make mistakes —  it’s all good. If you can let go of your need to control your love life, you would be surprised at what can happen.
  8. You need an open mind. If you always want things to be a certain way, you’re only going to get pissed off and stressed out when things inevitably go downhill. That’s just life. When it comes to dating in particular, you really need an open mind. Sometimes the greatest surprises are where the most magic is.
  9. You won’t be attractive if you’re freaking out about the past or future. Sorry t0 say but being stressed out 24/7 just isn’t a good look… and that goes for what’s on the inside, too. You want to show off your real self, don’t you? Your real self probably doesn’t expect bad things to happen, so chill out.
  10. You will never be truly happy. The truth is that if you never live in the moment, you can’t be happy. You know how people say happiness is a journey? It may sound cheesy but it’s totally the way that things work. If you can get into the habit of really enjoying yourself as you are, right now, you never know what could happen. You just might find love.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.
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