In heterosexual relationships, most boyfriends hang out with their male friends and family members when they’re not with their girlfriend, or they spend time with a mixed-gender friendship group. My boyfriend? He hangs out with single girls on his own, and I’m not particularly impressed by this.
I don’t mind all of his female friends.
Sometimes the single girls are friends of his friends and I’ve met them and that’s all well and good. Even though we’re not close, I like these single girls. And they just happen to be the only ones in his friendship group (along with my boyfriend) that are available to meet up on a particular day, so it’s impossible for me to have an issue with that.
Sometimes I don’t know the girls.
There are other girls he spends time with that I’ve never met or spoke to or even know of that he ends up meeting through his male friends and then hanging out with them when his friends aren’t there (or I’m not there). He’ll just call me and be like, “Oh, Cindy was hanging out today.” Um, who’s Cindy, hun?
I always get invited.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like he just goes off and does his own thing and I’m left wondering why he’d rather do that then integrate me into his life. I’m always invited to these hangouts and he makes it very clear that he’d be happy for me to be there. But sometimes I’m busy for one reason or other and he still goes, rather than suggesting another time that might be more suitable.
It’s not that I don’t trust him.
You may be forgiven for thinking that I don’t trust my boyfriend, but that’s not the case at all. I promise. He just has a super flirty character that I think can be easily misread by others.
I’ve been cheated on before.
And before you ask, yes, I have been cheated on in the past and that’s where I have a lot of insecurities. But I honestly don’t think my boyfriend would do anything to hurt me. We’ve both said that we’re in this for the long haul and I believe him.
It just bothers me.
For one reason or another, it just niggles me that he spends time with single girls when his male friends aren’t around (or I’m not around). Sure, I know my boyfriend and trust his intentions, but I can’t say the same for these girls. I don’t know them or what their situations are or whether they have a soft spot for my boyfriend. Who can say? I know that he’s not actively trying to meet up with these girls one-on-one, but I can’t help but be irritated when I know they’re all together.
I’ve tried telling my boyfriend my feelings.
When I tried to speak to my boyfriend about all these thoughts previously, he just kind of shrugged them off. He made it clear that he thought I was being ridiculous because he loves me and only me. Maybe I am, I don’t know. But I also can’t help the way that I feel, and I’m not going to apologize for having feelings.
I don’t want to be controlling.
At the end of the day, I’m not about to tell him what to do. He’s in his thirties, he’s his own person, and how he chooses to spend his time is really up to him. I’m not his keeper or his mother. I’m his equal. All I can do is let him know how I’m feeling and trust that he’ll make the right decision to make us both happy.
He’s started to reduce the amount of time he’s spending with the singletons.
Since I initially opened up, I have noticed that my boyfriend has made a conscious effort to reduce the number of these single girl hangouts that he usually goes on per month. In fact, he’s cut down on the amount of time he’s spent with his single guy friends too. He’s also making me feel more of a priority by choosing to spend time with me over these single friends. And what can I say? Being with someone who actively tries to change something that they know makes me unhappy is all I can ask for.
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