Contrary to what seems to be popular belief these days, social etiquette isn’t just something reserved for boarding schools or scenes in “Downton Abbey” — you need to practice good manners in your daily life, too. It’s not hard to be polite, respectful, and considerate of the people around you, but so many people seem to struggle with this. So, how do you know if your manners need a serious brush-up? Look for these signs.
1. Your “jokes” go over like a lead balloon most of the time.
Not everyone is a born stand-up comedian, and if your jokes either fall flat or offend people, it’s time to reevaluate your comedic timing (which seems to be non-existent). It’s cool to be the funny one, but not at the expense of other people’s feelings. Maybe your humor is too dry, sarcastic, or edgy for some, and that’s okay, but knowing your audience is key. If laughter is replaced with awkward silence or uncomfortable glances, it’s a sign to tone it down. Read the room!
2. No one ever invites you to hang out or attend events anymore.
Notice a decline in your social invitations? It might be more than just busy schedules. If you always show up late, bail last minute, or don’t contribute much when you do actually show up, people might think twice before including you. Being a good guest is about showing interest and respect for the host’s efforts, per The Guardian. When you’re not adding anything to the situation, you’ll stop being included at all.
3. Your friends always have to play peacemaker when you’re around.
Maybe it’s your habit of speaking without a filter or not considering other people’s perspectives of feelings, but you’re always putting your foot in your mouth around people. While honesty is great, you need to balance it with a bit of tact. If your friends are always in damage control mode because of you flapping your gums a little too much, it’s worth reflecting on your manners. Sometimes, it’s not what you say, but how you say it.
4. You’re often on the receiving end of “The Look” in public.
You know that look, right? When you’re a bit too loud on the phone in public or you forget to say “please” and “thank you” and strangers look at you like you have two heads, they’re trying to send the message that your manners are lacking and you need to change our behavior ASAP. Be aware of your surroundings and the people within them — it’ll go a long way.
5. Service staff are always getting annoyed with you.
When waiters, cashiers, or other service staff seem consistently annoyed when they’re serving you, it might not be just their bad day. Think about how you’re treating them. Are you being demanding or dismissive? Treating them like they owe you something and you’re better than them? Please stop. Remember, these people are doing their job (and probably being seriously underpaid for it), they deserve respect and patience. Just be nice.
6. You’re always unintentionally the center of attention.
Ever find yourself unintentionally grabbing all the attention in a room, and not in a good way? It could be talking over people, not listening, or just being oblivious to social cues. Being considerate of others in a conversation is as important as making your point. You need to zip those lips and listen a bit more. It’s not all about you.
7. Your phone is your plus-one.
If your phone is getting more attention than the people you’re with, it’s a sign that your manners are shot. Constantly checking your phone during meals, conversations, or meetings is a no-go. You shouldn’t even have it out on the table unless you’re anticipating an urgent/emergency call. Otherwise, it just makes you look rude and disinterested in the people you’re with. Your notifications can wait, I promise.
8. You’re a personal space invader.
Respecting personal space is a big part of good manners, and it’s really not that hard to do. If you’re the person who stands a little too close or makes people physically uncomfortable, it’s time to take a step back, literally. You wouldn’t want someone all up in your face, so why would you do it to other people?
9. You rarely hear the word “thanks” around you.
If “thank you” is a phrase you rarely hear, it might be because you’re not giving people a reason to say it. Maybe you’re not holding doors, offering help, or acknowledging other people’s efforts. Small acts of kindness and gratitude go a long way in showing good manners. You get what you give, so start being a bit more appreciative yourself and you might get the same in return.
10. Awkward goodbyes seem to be your thing.
If goodbyes are consistently awkward, like you’re leaving without anyone noticing or there’s a sense of relief when you do, that’s a clue. Maybe you’re overstaying your welcome or not reading the room when it’s time to head out. You’ve gotta learn to be sensitive to the dynamics of social gatherings. Making a timely and graceful exit can sometimes be as important as making a good entrance. Keep that in mind next time.
11. Conversations end abruptly when you enter them.
Do you often find yourself in conversations that abruptly end or where people seem eager to get away from ASAP? It could be your conversational style. Maybe you hog the conversation, talk about stuff that’s uncomfortable or inappropriate, or just fail to show interest in anyone else and instead focus on what you want to say. Newsflash: conversations are supposed to be a shared experience, Fast Company reminds us. If it’s all about you, your have no manners.
12. People roll their eyes at you a lot.
An eye roll might be a small gesture, but it speaks volumes. If you notice people rolling their eyes during your stories or comments, it’s a sign. Whether it’s the stories you’re telling or the way you’re telling them, people aren’t feeling it and you need to pay attention. It’s about finding a balance in being interesting without being overbearing. If people aren’t interested in what you’re saying, there’s a reason for that — figure it out and change it up accordingly.
13. You’re known for your very blunt opinions.
While honesty is generally a good thing, consistently being labeled as “blunt” could be a hint that you need to chill out a bit. It’s great to express your opinions, but how you do it matters. If your straightforwardness is making people uncomfortable or defensive, it might be time to tone it down a bit. Remember, you can express your thoughts truthfully without being harsh.
