If I Can’t Depend On You, I Can’t Be With You

I’ve dated my fair share of flaky guys and they’re just not relationship material. I need a guy who will be there when he says he will and who’s happy to be by my side. I’m not needy, but being able to count on you when I do need you is a must — otherwise, I can’t be with you.

  1. Showing up is the bare minimum. Is that really so much to ask? Well, it shouldn’t be. How am I supposed to have a relationship with a guy who flakes out on every boyfriend duty? If I can’t count on you for the little things, how can I depend on you for the big things? Being a good boyfriend is going to take work but if you really like me, then you won’t mind putting in the time.
  2. If I can’t depend on you, how can I trust you? Trust is (or should be) the foundation of a relationship. If I can’t depend on you in life, how am I supposed to feel safe with you? Failing to be there for me, breaking a promise, standing me up — all of those disappointments are just like lies, and since honesty is key, we’re screwed.
  3. This is how mature relationships work. If you’re not ready for the responsibility of partnership, you should probably just stay single. Relationships aren’t always easy — they’re hard work, but if you love me then it should be worth it. I don’t need you to fix everything or have all the answers, I just need you to be there for me. If you can’t even do that, then we’re never going to last.
  4. It’s a two-way street. I lean on you and you lean back on me. I’m not asking anything of you that I’m not willing to do myself. I actually want to be there for you. When you love and care about someone, being there for them is something you take pride in. I care about your wants, needs, and happiness. You can always depend on me — I just want to be able to say the same about you.
  5. I need a basic level of commitment. I know commitment sounds scary, but that’s what relationships are all about. It’s not enough to just be my boyfriend, you have to actually try. I need to know that when you promise to pick me up from work or show up for family dinner, you’ll actually follow through. I need a guy who can commit himself fully to a relationship and keep committing every single day.
  6. I want you to be confident in your love for me. I want a guy who doesn’t have to constantly wonder if he really loves me. I need a man who just knows and doesn’t doubt his love for me. I shouldn’t have to wake up every day and worry that today will be the end of us. If you’re not confident that you love me, then I can never be confident in us, and our “relationship” will never survive that low self-esteem.
  7. I’m looking for an equal partner. I’m looking for a true teammate and a partner to walk through life with me. I know that sounds serious, but you know what? Love is serious. Relationships are serious. I don’t want casual commitment — that’s an oxymoron. I’m looking for the real deal. I want a true love story. So if you can’t agree to just be there for me and be on my team, then I’m not interested in any part of this so-called “relationship.” It’s just not for me.
  8. I want more than just sex. I want emotion. I want your shoulder to cry on when times get tough. I want you to be the person I can turn to when I don’t know what else to do. I want you to be my rock. I want a man I can consider family and I can trust to always be by my side. I’m looking for more than just a warm body in my bed. I want true love and if you can’t handle that, I just can’t be with you.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.