I Can’t Have Sex Without Getting Stoned

I’d like to propose an addition to the long list of purported aphrodisiacs: marijuana. Weed, cannabis, dope, Mary Jane, whatever you want to call it, having sex while on it can only be described as a “magical journey.” Here’s why I always smoke pot before sex.

Weed ups my sex drive. I’m on a couple of different antidepressants, and while they work wonders for my mental health, they do no good for my libido. This was a huge problem before (it even ended a relationship), but now that I’ve found weed, my formerly non-existent sex drive is now on high speed. I just can’t get enough. Give me two puffs and I’m ready to pounce.

I get turned on easily when I’m high. I occasionally take a night off to get stoned and watch television (don’t tell me you’ve never done it!) and at times, it gets dangerous. I’ve recently started watching Sex and the City for the first time, and let me tell you, some of those scenes with Mr. Big, woof. I could even be watching the news and get turned on. What? James Tapper can be super sexy.

I become more sensitive to touch. When I’m high, the tiniest touch can do it for me. Even slightly shifting my position in my seat can get me hot, so you can imagine what it’s like with the touch of a human. The simplest level of contact sends an electric pulse through my veins. Intensify that contact and I’m on fire.

Smoking relaxes me. It’s not that I’m uptight, but it’s that I suffer from major anxiety. I can be doing nothing and be totally anxious. (Usually I’m anxious about doing nothing.) Weed is like a relaxing glass of wine after a long day but with fewer calories. Smoking before sex, I get super relaxed and (nearly) anxiety-free. Weed lessens my stress leaving my brain clear of worry, and I become more focused and in the moment.

I’m less inhibited. I’m super shy and that can get in my way. I get so socially anxious that I literally freeze on the reg. Really, I become rigid and my only movements are the shakes from my nervousness. When I’m high, I’m more comfortable with myself and with other people. Most of the time when I’m sober, I get really tense when having sex. I feel as if I don’t know how to move my body and become lost in my thoughts. Pass me the weed and I become fluid.

My body image issues melt away. I’m self-conscious about my body. I’ve got a set of wide thighs and a beer belly (AKA I’m a regular woman), and I’m incredibly aware of all my imperfections. Given the fact that I don’t like looking at my own self in the mirror, it’s way hard to be visibly naked in front of the opposite sex. Add to that the societally built-in belief that vaginas are gross, and I have myself a big problem. When sober, my mind runs wild: What if I jiggle? What if I have too much hair down there? Do I smell? But after some weed, I really don’t care. (And it usually turns out my partner doesn’t either.)

Orgasms are through the roof. OK, I have a confession: I’ve never orgasmed with a partner before. It’s sad I know, but when I’m high, I get really close. Curious if it were just me, I asked around, and it seems it’s true: weed maximizes orgasms. “Orgasms while high are on a different plane of pleasure than regular orgasms,” said my friend Azu. “[They’re] almost as if you can taste heaven.” Wow. Do I need to say more?

I can ask for what I want. When sober, I can become as stiff as board in the bedroom. I usually lie on my back and let the guy control the positions and movement. Sometimes, sex can even feel like a chore. But add some marijuana into the mix and soon enough, I’m calling the shots. When I’m high, I can unabashedly ask (read: order) guys to go down on me. Asking for head embarrasses me to no end if I’m sober. High me isn’t afraid to ask and isn’t afraid to ask multiple times.

My creativity is enhanced. They say that drugs enhance the mind. Some of our greatest works of art were created while under the influence. (Where would the Beatles be without LSD?) And while I don’t romanticize the connection between creativity and drugs, I do find it’s true that substances can help you think outside the box. After a puff, puff, pass, missionary doesn’t exist. I rarely only stick to one position and I’m always down to try something new. My eyes become open to possibilities I never thought possible.

Time slows down.There was a video back in the mid-2000s about a cop who ate a weed brownie but couldn’t handle it. “Time is going by reaaaaally slowly,” he said to 911. (He also thought he was dying.) I can attest, though: when high, time feels as if it has been stretched for miles. On marijuana, sex feels like it lasts much longer than it actually does. Basically, a quickie turns into a one-hour sesh and I’m not complaining.

Of course, weed and sex don’t mix for everyone. Sometimes, If I get too high, my sexual encounters can be disastrous. But even still, I encourage everyone to get high and bone–and ASAP. Don’t knock it until you try it!

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