Why You Can’t Let One Guy Mess With Your Idea Of What Love Is

Why You Can’t Let One Guy Mess With Your Idea Of What Love Is ©iStock/djsash001

Dating would be a very different experience if you could jump into the future just for a minute and see that everything eventually works out. While you can’t do that, you can learn to trust that everything is going to turn out just fine, no matter what kind of jerks you have to deal with on the journey to finding the good one. After all, one bad apple (or several) shouldn’t ruin your idea of love.

  1. You probably won’t love everyone you date — and that’s fine. The odds are good that you’ll have to date a few people (or a few dozen) to get to the right guy, and how you could possibly have true love with all of them? You won’t. It’s fine. If he doesn’t love you or vice versa, thank him for his time and move on when you feel the time is right.
  2. Anyone who makes you feel unlovable isn’t your person. This is actually a really easy way to tell that you deserve better. If you question whether you’re worthy of love when you’re with a guy, he’s just not it. You’re inherently lovable no matter what you’ve got going on and someone will see that.
  3. You know it exists. Even if you haven’t experienced romantic love for yourself yet, you have to know that it’s real. You’ve seen it in your friends and in your family and you’ve felt other kinds of love with those that matter most in your life. It’s out there and you’re going to find it.
  4. People are always on their own journeys. Many people grow up to choose relationships and long-term love even if they start out as dirtbag players. You’ll probably meet a few of the latter along the way. Just because you’re ready doesn’t mean everyone else is, which is fine. The variety of personality types in the world is what makes life interesting. It doesn’t always have to be taken so personally.
  5. If anything, the bad guy should be a helpful reminder that you want more. A bad guy or a bad relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you’re flawed or doomed. Sometimes you meet those people simply to knock some sense into your head and push you in a totally different direction. There’s nothing better than contrast to shine the light on something amazing.
  6. There’s always something better for you when you’re ready. One of the hardest things about dating is dealing with the fear that you missed a chance or that you’re leaving the best guy you can get. But that’s usually not the case. Having to ask someone to love you is not the best you deserve, and when you’re really happy with who you are and trusting enough of life to live with an open heart, someone different will show up and blow everyone else out of the water.
  7. It only takes one person to show you what real love is. Anyone who comes into your life and threatens to disrupt your optimism about love can be set aside. Maybe he doesn’t believe in love for himself, which really doesn’t have anything to do with you. It only takes one guy to show you that it’s real, and he will if you let him.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com