While it’s important to stay open-minded in the search for love and give people a chance before cutting it dead, it’s also important not to waste precious time and energy on someone who has no intention of meeting you halfway and putting just as much into the relationship as you would. Here are some signs he’s not worth your time so that you can dump him and move on.
- He struggles with consistency. One day he’s all over you, the next he goes AWOL and you don’t hear from him for a week. Sometimes he’s all about going out on dates and building something real and other times, he’s not sure if he’s really in a good place for a relationship right now. This inconsistency is one of the biggest signs he’s not worth your time. He doesn’t know what he wants so let him go find out… without you.
- He regularly flakes on plans. You were supposed to go check out the new Turkish place on Friday night but 7 p.m. rolls around and you still haven’t heard from him. Seven texts later, he finally responds and says sorry, he’s not going to make it. This is a common occurrence for him – you make plans, he rarely turns up and when he does, he’s usually late. What’s wrong with this guy?
- He really likes “hanging out” with you. Sure, it’s fine to call your get-togethers “hanging out” for the first few dates, but if you decide to pursue things beyond that point but he refuses to actually say that he’s dating you, there’s a problem. One of the biggest signs that he’s not worth your time and has no intention of getting into a real relationship is when he can’t even talk about what you’re doing or he trivializes it. Bye, dude.
- He refuses to delete his dating apps. Again, you’re not asking him to commit exclusively after a first date, but if you’ve been out together for several weeks or months and he still wants to keep his options open, he’s not serious and he’s never going to make you his girlfriend. Let him keep his dating apps and his casual connections while you move on to something real.
- He still lives with his parents and has no plans to change it. This might not seem like one of the signs he’s not worth your time but it is because it implies a lack of ambition. He’s totally happy living at home with his parents, letting them feed and house him without contributing. It’s cushy, he basically has a personal maid in the form of his mom, and life is good. Why would he want to change things? Uh, exit stage left ASAP.
- He’s cheated in all of his past relationships. Red flags galore! If you’ve somehow discovered that he’s been unfaithful to every last girlfriend he’s had in the past — even worse if he openly admits this and doesn’t see the big deal! — then he’s definitely not someone you should waste another second on. What makes you think he wouldn’t do the same with you? Don’t set the precedent that you’re cool with that because you deserve so much more.
- He’s racist/homophobic/misogynistic/classist, etc. I don’t think this needs explaining. You don’t want to be with someone who’s close-minded and hateful towards anyone who’s different than them. Get rid of him now.
- You have to teach him how to be a good partner. While we can and should learn things from every relationship we’re in, if he’s coming to you with pretty much zero knowledge on how to be a good partner, you don’t need the aggravation. You’re likely not his first relationship, so what’s his excuse? Cut him loose and save yourself the hard work.