When Did Common Decency In The Dating World Become Extinct?

In the last few years when I was either happily taken or happily single, it seems that dating has become a landscape of horror stories. I recently tried to get out there again and meet a new guy and the tales are all true. It makes me not even want to try! Here’s why I don’t like this new dating culture:

  1. There are no standards anymore. There used to be a pretty clear template for dating someone. You’d express interest, you’d exchange phone numbers, and you’d go out on a date. Maybe things would proceed from there or maybe they wouldn’t. Now a guy will hardly work up the effort to ask for my number, let alone actually schedule and plan a date. The level of laziness is ridiculous.
  2. Men don’t have any dating manners. I want to be treated like a person who’s worthy of attention, respect, and consideration. It’s ridiculous what I’ve had to put up with trying to date, so I’m not doing it anymore. The most I can hope for are a few lazy text messages and maybe if I’m lucky, we might meet each other. Most of the time, it doesn’t even go that far—people just disappear with no explanation.
  3. Guys don’t even pretend to try. It used to be that a man would at least court a girl if he wanted to get in her pants. Apparently, that’s no longer the case. Sorry, but my standards aren’t that low. I will not be dating anyone who isn’t putting in any effort, especially in the beginning. What’s the point? It’s a waste of my time. I don’t need to be with a guy that badly.
  4. I’m probably going to be alone forever because I don’t put up with BS. I’m not going to settle for less than what I deserve. Apparently, there are a lot of girls out there who are settling for whatever, because men easily dismiss me when they realize I’m not an easy target. No, I won’t just sleep with you. What is even going on in this dating world? Gross.
  5. I’m just myself but men treat me like I’m not worth anything. I think that online dating is partially to blame. Why bother actually getting to know a real live woman? There are tons of other options literally a swipe away. This has created a dating mentality where people are just disposable, part of some weird internet game. I refuse to be disposable.
  6. I know I’m not asking for a lot but I’m not even getting that. I am not needy, high-maintenance, or materialistic. All I want is to be shown some consideration. Most men won’t even do that, and when I call them out on it, they act surprised! One guy even said he didn’t think he was “high enough on my radar” to make me upset. I get upset whenever anyone doesn’t show me decency, even a stranger!
  7. I can’t even find a guy who will plan a date. We’re talking bare-bones requirements here, people. It’s depressing. If a man asks me to meet him the next day at 5 pm and by 3 pm that day he hasn’t even told me where we’re meeting or what we’re doing, I’m not going! This lazy approach to dating won’t work. It doesn’t have to be fancy but at least think of something!
  8. Men behave shocked when I call them out on their lazy behavior. It’s as if it never occurred to them that they should treat me with the slightest respect. Maybe this is because they’ve gotten so used to communicating with women online and that has made us all seem even more like objects. I am not a weak woman and I am going to stand up for myself.
  9. Guys used to woo the girls they liked; now I can’t even get a text message. Romance is seriously dead. I know there are girls who aren’t “into” it so maybe that’s part of the problem. I’m definitely into it and I can’t seem to find it anywhere. I want a man who genuinely likes me and makes an effort and gets to know me, not someone who’s just trying to get laid. Guys don’t even try that hard to get laid anymore!
  10. Ghosting is so prevalent that I’m shocked when a guy doesn’t do it. I feel traumatized at this point. I’m just waiting for a guy to ghost at any moment. It’s going to happen, so why bother expecting otherwise? Even if a guy seems decent, he always runs eventually. I know it sounds really jaded, but that’s been my experience. Even if he’s not planning on doing it, I’m still waiting for it.
  11. Everything is hyper-casual now and I don’t like it. I’m not a “Netflix and chill” girl. I’ve done that in the past and it never works out. Guess what happens when I don’t expect any effort from a man? I don’t get any. Then I end up in an unhealthy relationship where I’m constantly dissatisfied. I need someone who actively wants and tries to be with me.
  12. I can’t even bring myself to date anymore—it’s too depressing. I tried to be optimistic but after being blown off too many times, I’m done. It’s going to take a man who really tries to get me out of my shell and I’m not sure guys like that even exist anymore. I’m so over this modern dating scene.
  13. I know I’m not crazy for wanting a man who treats me well. The worst thing about dating is that it almost makes me doubt myself sometimes. I know who I am and I like who I am. I know that I’m a good person and that I deserve a good relationship. It is not asking too much to want a man who makes an effort and appreciates me.
  14. I don’t care if it’s trendy to be a jerk—I’m not putting up with it. Other girls can do whatever they want, but I’m holding out for a respectful, affectionate, sweet gentleman. I hope that he finds me one of these days, but I’m not going to settle in the meantime. I’m not wasting any more time dating people who aren’t worth it. I’m staying single until I get what I need.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.