Whether you’re on a date or at work, you should pay attention to the words you’re saying because they can derail the first impression you’re trying to make or make you come across as though you have a lack of confidence. Even though you might think some words show compassion towards others, such as if you’re always ready to apologize, they might actually be making you seem like you’re not sure of yourself. So, here are nine common phrases that tell other people you’re not confident — and how you can switch them for more confident phrases.
1. “What Do You Really Think About This?”
When asking your boss for their opinion on how you want to tackle a project, you might think nothing of asking, “What do you really think about this?” But, it makes you seem unsure of your abilities. People might also feel like you don’t believe them when they give you positive feedback. It’s better to rephrase your words with something like, “I’d love an outsider’s opinion on this” or “Can you tell me why you like it?” Keep it less emotional and you’ll seem more confident.
2. “Whatever You Want.”
Do you always go along with what other people think? Maybe in your relationship or friendships, you let your partner determine what activities you do on weekends, even if they’re not your favorite thing. Ugh. You might think you’re being compassionate and compromising, but you’re actually lacking self-confidence and coming across as a people pleaser. Speak up about what you want to do for a change. It’ll help you to feel happier in your relationships.
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4. “No, It’s Fine!”
When your partner asks if you’re feeling better after your recent argument and you say you’re fine even though you’re not, you’re just hurting yourself. You’re shutting down as though you’re not confident enough to speak up about your feelings. This behavior will build resentment if you bottle up your feelings. You really don’t need to carry them around! Instead, say something like, “I’m still feeling a bit hurt. Could we talk about what happened?”
5. “I’m Not Good Enough.”
Your friend tells you about a cool job opportunity or your BF says you should sell your beautiful pottery, and your response is that you’re not good enough. Wait, what? Look, even if you don’t have the most confidence in the world RN, don’t sell yourself short. At least be open to the opportunity or say that you’d be interested in learning more about it.
6. “This Sounds Stupid, But…”
When you want to share a creative idea with your co-workers or partner, do you first say, “This sounds stupid, but…”? While you might think it makes you seem humble, it’s telling everyone that you don’t like your own idea or don’t think you’re worthy enough to bring something valuable to the table. Don’t give the impression that you’re super scared of being judged or you can’t handle criticism. Erase this low-confidence phrase and go straight for your idea. Be ballsy!
7. “I’m Sorry.”
Apologizing is a great way to own up to your mistakes, but it’s not cool if you’re always apologizing to everyone about everything. If you say “I’m sorry” all the time, you’re telling people you’re not sure of yourself and you’re so scared to step on anyone’s toes that it’s turning you into a Nervous Nelly. Plus, if you’re always saying sorry, it feels diluted like you don’t really mean it.
8. “I Don’t Know.”
Maybe you really don’t know something that you’re being asked, but that doesn’t mean you should say you don’t know and let the conversation hit a dead-end. More positive and confident phrases include, “I’ll do some research” or “Let’s find out.” This will make everyone around you feel inspired, so you’ll be instantly likeable. Also, avoid saying you don’t know when asked what you want for dinner – it’s frustrating! Rather explain what you want and have an opinion.
9. “Sorry For Bothering You Again…”
Maybe you feel bad to email your boss for the third time to query something about a task that’s landed on your desk. Or, you want your BF’s advice and you’re asking him lots of questions. Although you don’t want to interrupt someone’s busy time, you don’t have to say, “Sorry for bothering you again.” It sounds too apologetic. Rather say something like, “If you’re busy, we can chat about it later.”
10. “I’m Worried It Won’t Work.”
Although it’s good to express your concerns about stuff, it’s not cool if you’re always worried that things won’t work – it comes off as you being negative AF. If your friend explains her idea for a new business and you shut it down by saying it won’t work, adding that you’re worried doesn’t make you seem nicer about it. Rather be open about learning more about it, such as by asking questions and having a real conversation. This might also boost your confidence, so it’s a win-win.
