16 Confidence Killers That Derail Even The Most Secure People

16 Confidence Killers That Derail Even The Most Secure People

You’re extremely self-assured and aren’t riddled with insecurities, but you’re also a human, which means sometimes you feel a bit down or start to doubt yourself. When it happens, it can be pretty jarring, especially since you spend so much time and energy on bolstering your self-worth. Here are the habits you have that might be derailing you.

1. Falling into “Compare and Despair”

Ever find yourself doom-scrolling through Insta, feeling like everyone else is living their best life? Yeah, that’s a surefire way to knock your confidence, even if you’re usually pretty solid. Remember, social media is all about the highlights, not the everyday struggles we all face. It’s important to focus on our own journey and progress, rather than getting caught up in someone else’s curated life.

2. Trying to Be Mr. or Ms. Perfect

Handsome young man standing and posing in the streets of Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Aiming high? Awesome. But obsessing over every little thing until it’s ‘perfect’? Not so awesome. Can really mess with your vibe and make you feel like you’re never quite up to scratch. Embrace the beauty of imperfection and give yourself permission to make mistakes – they’re great learning opportunities! After all, growth happens when we step out of perfection and embrace our flaws.

3. Letting Your Inner Critic Run Wild

young man with headache on couch

We’ve all got that little voice in our head that likes to point out our flaws. But let it get too loud, and it can seriously dent your confidence. Try to balance it out with some positive self-talk and remember, nobody’s perfect. You’re human and it’s okay to have off days, so cut yourself some slack. (P.S If this is something you struggle with particularly in terms of your romantic relationships, you need to visit our sister site, Sweetn. They harness the power of your mind to completely change your love life in just a few weeks.)

4. Being Scared of Messing Up

Fear of failure can be a real buzzkill. It can stop you in your tracks and make you second-guess yourself, even if you’re usually pretty self-assured. Remember, every failure is just a stepping stone on the path to success. You learn way more from a single failure than from a hundred victories, so embrace it!

5. Overthinking Every. Single. Thing.

Ever get stuck in your own head, analyzing every decision until you don’t know up from down? Yeah, that can be a real confidence killer. Try to trust your gut instinct more – it’s usually right. And remember, overthinking won’t give you control, it’ll just steal your joy and keep you very busy doing nothing.

6. Letting Self-Care Slide

Skipping workouts, eating junk, not getting enough Zzz’s – might not seem like a big deal, but it can really knock your self-image. Look after yourself, and your confidence will thank you. Plus, who doesn’t love a good night’s sleep? When you take care of your body, it takes care of you.

7. Not Standing Up for Yourself

Finding it hard to say ‘no’ or stand your ground? That can chip away at your confidence over time, making you feel like your opinions don’t count. Remember, your thoughts and feelings are valid and important – don’t be afraid to express them! Standing up for yourself might feel tough, but it’s a powerful way to boost your confidence and self-respect.

8. Ignoring Your Wins

Nailed a project? Passed a tricky test? Celebrate it! Ignoring your wins is like telling yourself you’re not doing enough. Not great for your confidence, right? Every win, no matter how small, is a step forward. So take a moment to pat yourself on the back, you’ve earned it!

9. Trying to Keep Everyone Happy

Being a people pleaser is exhausting. You can’t be everyone’s best bud, and that’s okay. Trying to be can really mess with your self-belief. Remember, it’s okay to put your own needs first sometimes. You’re not a superhero, and that’s perfectly fine – just being you is more than enough.

10. Staying Stuck in Your Comfort Zone

Sure, it’s comfy, but it’s also where your confidence goes to snooze. Trying new things, even if they’re a bit scary, can really boost your self-belief. Give it a go! After all, life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Each time you face a fear or try something new, you’re showing yourself what you’re capable of.

11. Setting Unrealistic Goals

Ever set a goal so big it feels downright daunting? That can majorly mess with your confidence. Ambition is great, but unrealistic goals can leave you feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. Break down your goals into smaller, manageable steps, and remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Each small step is a victory in itself, and before you know it, you’ll be on your way to achieving that big goal.

12. Relying on External Validation

guy texting out on city street

Looking for a confidence boost from likes, shares, and compliments? That’s a slippery slope. While external validation can give you a temporary high, depending too much on it can leave your confidence shaky. Remember, your worth isn’t determined by how many likes your selfie got. You’re awesome just the way you are, no validation needed.

13. Ignoring Your Intuition

Full length portrait of beautiful caucasian woman in eyewear enjoying free time outdoors using accessory and mobile phone for listening audiobook, cheerful millennial hipster girl melloman outdoors

That gut feeling you get? It’s usually bang-on. Ignoring your intuition can lead to decisions that don’t feel right, which can really knock your confidence. Trust yourself, you know more than you think you do. And even if you do get it wrong, it’s all part of the learning process.

14. Carrying Past Failures with You

Remember that time you messed up? Yeah, it stings. But carrying past failures with you can weigh down your confidence. Learn from them, sure, but then let them go. You’re not defined by your past mistakes but by how you bounce back from them. There’s no use getting stuck in the past.

15. Overcommitting And Being Addicted To Busy-ness

man with striped shirt looking serious

Ever feel like you’re constantly on the go, with no time to just be? That can leave you feeling drained and low on confidence. Make sure to carve out some “me time” every day, even if it’s just a few minutes. Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.

16. Taking Criticism Too Personally

Shot of serious young woman looking through the window while drinking coffee on the sofa at home.

Constructive criticism can sting, of course, taking it too personally can knock your confidence. Try to view criticism as a tool for growth, not a personal attack. It’s not easy, but learning to separate the criticism from your self-worth can boost your confidence in the long run. Remember, a critique of something you did is not a judgment of who you are.

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Phoebe Mertens is a writer, speaker, and strategist who has helped dozens of female-founded and led companies reach success in areas such a finance, tech, science, and fashion. Her keen eye for detail and her innovative approach to modern womanhood makes her one of the most sought-out in her industry, and there's nothing she loves more than to see these companies shine.

With an MBA from NYU's Stern School of Business and features in Forbes and Fast Company she Phoebe has proven she knows her stuff. While she doesn't use social media, she does have a private Instagram just to look at pictures of cats.
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