People Who Are Control Freaks Often Use These 18 Manipulative Tactics

People Who Are Control Freaks Often Use These 18 Manipulative Tactics

Most people understand that they can’t control everything in life, but that doesn’t stop a select few from trying. In fact, control freaks can become so obsessed with calling the shots in every aspect of their lives that they resort to some pretty manipulative tactics to achieve it. Here are some of the worst things they might do to stay on top of it all.

1. Gaslighting through selective memory

gaslighting conversation

provided by iStock

If you’ve ever dealt with a gaslighter, you know how harmful it can be. Control freaks might use very particular parts of a situation or conversation to convince you that you’re wrong about something or remembering it incorrectly. They’ll do anything they can to make you doubt your sanity so they remain the one in power.

2. Subtly undermining your self-esteem

Two businesswomen talking and discussing in office. Female colleagues sitting on couch. Work teamwork people job concept

provided by iStock

If you feel on top of the world about yourself, you’re way less likely to be susceptible to outside influence. So, the control freak might try to chip away at your self-esteem slowly but surely so that they can get you right where they want you. It’s soul-destroying, especially since you barely realize it’s happening in the moment.

3. Giving passive-aggressive compliments or negging

Young adult couple at psychologist therapy. They are sitting on sofa in doctor office, having a consultation with a doctor

provided by iStock

A perfect example of the previous point, a control freak might neg you or give you compliments that are clearly underhanded and not genuine in order to make you question yourself or doubt your abilities, per Healthline. In that moment of uncertainty, they pounce.

4. Overloading you with information to confuse you

Husband and wife are arguing at home. Angry man is yelling at his wife.

provided by iStock

Having all the details is important, but when you have too much information, you can end up experiencing analysis paralysis. Things become all muddled and confused, which is perfect for the control freak because it allows them to mold the situation to their liking.

5. Exploiting your insecurities for their own gain

A concerned pair discussing their financial situation at an outdoor cafe

provided by iStock

If a control freak knows you have a weak spot, they’ll do anything they can to use it against you. By tapping into the things you feel most sensitive or self-conscious about, they can twist you into knots and manipulate you. It’s a really nasty behavior.

6. Feigning helplessness to gain sympathy and control

Peacefully talking. Beaming joyful women having expressive conversation during light French breakfast at home during the day. Lesbian couple lifestyle. Photo of two sad friends talking and drinking coffee and tea sitting at table in the kitchen at home. Two young beautiful Caucasian girls sitting with coffee mugs in their hands. Difficult times. Depressed cheerless woman sitting together with her partner thinking and talking about problems

provided by iStock

Control freaks believe they know exactly what they’re doing, pretty much better than everyone else. However, they’re also aware that arrogance can be charming, so they often try a bit of reverse psychology by pretending to be helpless. Once you’re reeled in and feeling sorry for them, they can get you to “help” by doing exactly what they wanted all along. So sneaky!

7. Excessive gift-giving with strings attached

eenage women walking with flowers through city

provided by iStock

Genuine people give gifts just because; control freaks often give them as a tool of manipulation. The idea is that you’ll be so thankful for the gift, whether it’s something physical or by helping you out with a particular task, for example, that you’ll be willing to do whatever they ask of you so that you don’t appear selfish or ungrateful.

8. Guilt-tripping you to make you feel bad

Difficult family conversation, crisis relations, distrust, establishment trusting relationships, after quarrel, tries understanding, offer go family psychologist. Husband and wife support each other

provided by iStock

Maybe you’re a really confident person who’s secure in your decision-making skills. Well, watch out for control freaks, because they’ll make you feel bad for being so sure of yourself, for making sure your needs are met, or for doing what’s best for you. When you feel bad, you’re more likely to acquiesce to whatever they want you to do, however outlandish their request.

9. Creating a sense of indebtedness

Young hispanic man talking on smartphone with worried expression at home

provided by iStock

Much like gift-giving, control freaks know the best way to stay in control is by making sure they’re “above” you in some way. One of the easiest ways to do that? Making you feel like you owe them something. As long as you have something to make up to them to equalize, they’ll have you right where they want you.

10.  Keeping you financially dependent on them

Boyfriend and girlfriend are arguing on the couch. Angry woman is yelling at her boyfriend.

provided by iStock

If you’re in a relationship with a control freak, this can become a serious problem. They’ll go out of their way to be the main breadwinner not because they want to take care of you but because the less you have, the more you’ll rely on them. They hold all the power and you’re left having to bend to their whims.

11. Misrepresenting facts to create doubt

Family conflict. Offended spouses not talking to each other at marital therapy

provided by iStock

Cold, hard facts tell a story, but control freaks don’t want you to know that, especially if the narrative doesn’t suit them. So, they twist details or omit big ones to paint a particular picture that you’ll get the wrong idea about so that you’re more likely to do what they want. Seriously messed up!

12. Socially isolating you from people who could clue you in on what’s really going on

provided by iStock

This is a biggie — and it’s also a form of emotional abuse. Control freaks will often go out of their way to isolate you from your nearest and dearest who might see them for who they are and clue you in to it, too. As a result, you stay in the dark even longer — and the control freak stays in power.

13. Inserting themselves into personal networks for leverage

Mexican mother and father sitting with their teenage children and listening to their daughter.

provided by iStock

Maybe they’re a colleague or a boss, but they somehow have gotten to know your sister or your cousin and have been using them to get to you. They might ask them to have a word with you about a specific decision they want you to make or ask them to influence you in other ways. Not cool!

14. Emotional baiting to get specific responses

Beautiful young woman talking to her depressed boyfriend while sitting on the couch. Sad man crying and feeling upset after breaking up with his girlfriend

provided by iStock

They want you to feel bad about something, so they do or say certain things that they know will elicit that response. By manipulating your feelings, they can then manipulate your actions. This is one of the control freak’s favorite tactics to get their own way.

15. Twisting words or situations to shift blame

Young couple sitting on the sofa discussing at home.

provided by iStock

They’re clearly in the wrong, but they somehow have a knack for completely misrepresenting the situation so that you question whether you’ve been seeing things incorrectly the whole time. When you’re not sure, they act like they are, and voila, they’re in control.

16. Playing the victim to avoid taking responsibility

Young family falls apart, depressed woman because of alcoholic husband, couple sitting on sofa in living room

provided by iStock

It’s hard to be angry at someone for something they’ve done when they appear to be beating themselves up over it. This is something control freaks love to do. They paint themselves as the victims so that you feel bad for them and don’t hold them responsible for their actions, Inc. explains. Don’t fall for it!

17.  Co-opting personal goals or achievements

Loving couple packing clothes into travel bag. Boyfriend and girlfriend preparing for the trip.

provided by iStock

You worked hard to achieve something amazing, but you can’t enjoy it on your own — the control freak is quick to point out how they helped you get there or that it was their dream for you first. They just can’t bear to see you winning without being the one in charge of it.

18. Creating an atmosphere of unpredictability

Enthusiastic young indian employee sharing new project ideas with serious female boss. Diverse business woman team discussing working moments at office. HR manager listening to interns experience

provided by iStock

When you never know where you stand or what’s going to happen next, it’s hard to prepare accordingly. Control freaks love keeping you on your toes by creating an unpredictable atmosphere, especially since it makes it much more likely that they’ll get their own way.

Jennifer has been the managing editor of Bolde since its launch in 2014. Before that, she was the founding editor of HelloGiggles and also worked as an entertainment writer for Bustle and Digital Spy. Her work has been published in Bon Appetit, Decider, Vanity Fair, The New York TImes, and many more.