Most people understand that they can’t control everything in life, but that doesn’t stop a select few from trying. In fact, control freaks can become so obsessed with calling the shots in every aspect of their lives that they resort to some pretty manipulative tactics to achieve it. Here are some of the worst things they might do to stay on top of it all.
1. Gaslighting through selective memory
If you’ve ever dealt with a gaslighter, you know how harmful it can be. Control freaks might use very particular parts of a situation or conversation to convince you that you’re wrong about something or remembering it incorrectly. They’ll do anything they can to make you doubt your sanity so they remain the one in power.
2. Subtly undermining your self-esteem
If you feel on top of the world about yourself, you’re way less likely to be susceptible to outside influence. So, the control freak might try to chip away at your self-esteem slowly but surely so that they can get you right where they want you. It’s soul-destroying, especially since you barely realize it’s happening in the moment.
3. Giving passive-aggressive compliments or negging
A perfect example of the previous point, a control freak might neg you or give you compliments that are clearly underhanded and not genuine in order to make you question yourself or doubt your abilities. In that moment of uncertainty, they pounce.
4. Overloading you with information to confuse you
Having all the details is important, but when you have too much information, you can end up experiencing analysis paralysis. Things become all muddled and confused, which is perfect for the control freak because it allows them to mold the situation to their liking.
5. Exploiting your insecurities for their own gain
If a control freak knows you have a weak spot, they’ll do anything they can to use it against you. By tapping into the things you feel most sensitive or self-conscious about, they can twist you into knots and manipulate you. It’s a really nasty behavior.
6. Feigning helplessness to gain sympathy and control
Control freaks believe they know exactly what they’re doing, pretty much better than everyone else. However, they’re also aware that arrogance can be charming, so they often try a bit of reverse psychology by pretending to be helpless. Once you’re reeled in and feeling sorry for them, they can get you to “help” by doing exactly what they wanted all along. So sneaky!
7. Excessive gift-giving with strings attached
Genuine people give gifts just because; control freaks often give them as a tool of manipulation. The idea is that you’ll be so thankful for the gift, whether it’s something physical or by helping you out with a particular task, for example, that you’ll be willing to do whatever they ask of you so that you don’t appear selfish or ungrateful.
8. Guilt-tripping you to make you feel bad
Maybe you’re a really confident person who’s secure in your decision-making skills. Well, watch out for control freaks, because they’ll make you feel bad for being so sure of yourself, for making sure your needs are met, or for doing what’s best for you. When you feel bad, you’re more likely to acquiesce to whatever they want you to do, however outlandish their request.
9. Creating a sense of indebtedness
Much like gift-giving, control freaks know the best way to stay in control is by making sure they’re “above” you in some way. One of the easiest ways to do that? Making you feel like you owe them something. As long as you have something to make up to them to equalize, they’ll have you right where they want you.
10. Keeping you financially dependent on them
If you’re in a relationship with a control freak, this can become a serious problem. They’ll go out of their way to be the main bread winner not because they want to take care of you but because the less you have, the more you’ll rely on them. They hold all the power and you’re left having to bend to their whims.
11. Misrepresenting facts to create doubt
Cold, hard facts tell a story, but control freaks don’t want you to know that, especially if the narrative doesn’t suit them. So, they twist details or omit big ones to paint a particular picture that you’ll get the wrong idea about so that you’re more likely to do what they want. Seriously messed up!
12. Socially isolating you from people who could clue you in on what’s really going on
This is a biggie — and it’s also a form of emotional abuse. Control freaks will often go out of their way to isolate you from your nearest and dearest who might see them for who they are and clue you in to it, too. As a result, you stay in the dark even longer — and the control freak stays in power.
13. Inserting themselves into personal networks for leverage
Maybe they’re a colleague or a boss, but they somehow have gotten to know your sister or your cousin and have been using them to get to you. They might ask them to have a word with you about a specific decision they want you to make or ask them to influence you in other ways. Not cool!
14. Emotional baiting to get specific responses
They want you to feel bad about something, so they do or say certain things that they know will elicit that response. By manipulating your feelings, they can then manipulate your actions. This is one of the control freak’s favorite tactics to get their own way.
15. Twisting words or situations to shift blame
They’re clearly in the wrong, but they somehow have a knack for completely misrepresenting the situation so that you question whether you’ve been seeing things incorrectly the whole time. When you’re not sure, they act like they are, and voila, they’re in control.
16. Playing the victim to avoid taking responsibility
It’s hard to be angry at someone for something they’ve done when they appear to be beating themselves up over it. This is something control freaks love to do. They paint themselves as the victims so that you feel bad for them and don’t hold them responsible for their actions.
17. Co-opting personal goals or achievements
You worked hard to achieve something amazing, but you can’t enjoy it on your own — the control freak is quick to point out how they helped you get there or that it was their dream for you first. They just can’t bear to see you winning without being the one in charge of it.
18. Creating an atmosphere of unpredictability
When you never know where you stand or what’s going to happen next, it’s hard to prepare accordingly. Control freaks love keeping you on your toes by creating an unpredictable atmosphere, especially since it makes it much more likely that they’ll get their own way.
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