Why I Only Date Men Who Are In Touch With Their Feminine Side

It took me a long time and an awful lot of awkward first dates to learn the biggest secret in dating: There’s nothing sexier than a man in touch with his feminine side and I’m never going back to dating guys who aren’t. Here’s why:

  1. They don’t give you crap for liking “girly” things. There are unfortunately men out there who act like being considered girly is a terrible insult and something to be avoided at all costs. I had an ex who found basically everything that that women liked or did to be annoying. He’d roll his eyes if he saw me watching anything on TV that seemed too girly to him (for example, modeling shows, interior design programs, etc.) and make fun of it and me! That got old really damn fast. Hello, misogyny. Goodbye, misogyny.
  2. They aren’t afraid to be vulnerable. The men I’ve dated who wanted to be alpha males and constantly made a show of how tough they were had it all wrong. There’s nothing more badass than owning your emotions, even if you’re sad, worried, or afraid.
  3. They let you know they care. I’ve found that men in touch with their feminine side tend to say “I love you” first. I tend to fall in love pretty easily and when I like someone, I know it right away. This means that I’m often the first one to announce it, except when I’m dating a sensitive man who isn’t afraid of his feelings. Not only is it a relief to not have to go first, but I find that men who aren’t afraid to let you know they care at the beginning of a relationship are often better about continuing to do so as the relationships goes on.
  4. Their emotional courage makes them better communicators. Rather than being afraid to feel or express emotions, men in touch with their feminine side aren’t afraid to dive deep, figure out what’s really going on with their emotions and let you know what’s going on, even when it’s embarrassing or difficult. Forget the strong silent type. There’s nothing sexier than a man who can apologize when he’s wrong.
  5. They’re secure in their masculinity, which makes them seem even manlier. You have to have a certain kind of self-confidence to buck gender norms and societal pressure and just do your own thing, without worrying whether or not people will judge you for it. There’s nothing sexier than confidence. Besides, the guy who doesn’t worry about what other people think of him or whether people think he’s manly or not comes out looking the manliest of all.
  6. They don’t mind if you cry (and might even join you). This is a big one for me. I’m a movie crybaby—and don’t get me started on those commercials about abused animals. You know, the one with the Sarah McLachlan song in the background. Ugh. I’m half-crying thinking about it now. I need to date a guy who doesn’t hassle me about crying. Better yet, my ideal partner cries right along with me or at least gives me a cuddle.
  7. They’re some of the best huggers I’ve known. I’m not sure why it is exactly, but I’ve found that men in touch with their feminine side are fantastic at cuddling. They give you the kinds of hugs that are almost better than sex (almost, see the next point). Maybe it’s because they aren’t afraid of getting lost in their emotions.
  8. They’re great lovers. Men in touch with their feminine side have been some of the best lovers I’ve had. Rather than viewing sex as something straightforward and the same for every woman, they’ve always taken the time to really learn my body and figure out what like. Sex isn’t treated like a sport or a game. They’re invested in my pleasure because they care about how I feel, not because they’re looking to beat their personal best for how many times they can get me off in a night. It’s about connecting with me. They take feedback in the bedroom and adapt what they’re doing, which leads to dynamite sex. Plus, they’re up for cuddling afterward.
  9. They help you figure out what to wear. My ideal boyfriend is the one who not only comes shopping with you when you need a new dress but gives you recommendations on ones to try. The best boyfriend I ever had actually went and picked out a matching necklace to go with my outfit while I was in the fitting room trying things on. I looked amazing.
  10. They’re good with kids. There’s something endearing about watching a man sit down at a tiny table with a 3-year-old, put on a pink feathered headband, and sip pretend tea with Mr. Pants the bunny rabbit. That’s husband material right there. Once you’ve had a Pink Headband Pretend Tea Party Boyfriend, you really don’t want to go back to guys who still think girls have cooties.
Page Turner is a freelance writer and the author of "Poly Land: My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory." A giant unabashed psych nerd, Page has also worked as a psychological researcher and an organizational behavior consultant.