I always assumed a guy who was a great friend would become a kick-ass boyfriend, but then I eventually learned first-hand this isn’t always the case. Enter the guy who everyone loved and called amazing, but who was a total jerk as a boyfriend. What gives?
- Where’d the cool guy go? The guy was a lot of fun to be around and we’d been friends for a while before becoming a couple. As a boyfriend, he wasn’t as charming and instead of going the extra mile for me as a friend, he became a lazy ass boyfriend. It’s like all his good qualities were reserved for his social circle! WTF? I realized this could be because romantic relationships require more from people than friendships. There are much greater demands and expectations and sadly this guy just didn’t want to meet them.
- He was only after a good time. Just because he was surrounded by lots of friends and always had fun with them doesn’t mean he was an amazing guy. I fell for that myth! Hell, he didn’t even really have that much of a strong connection with a lot of his friends — they just liked to party a lot. Anyone can do that and seem like an amazing person. Once he got into a relationship and it wasn’t a party every day, he couldn’t be serious and his true colors showed. Ugh.
- He was extremely insecure. He had loads of friends and it seemed like everyone loved him. Yeah, we overuse the word “love,” TBH. The truth was this guy was insecure and he thrived on attention from his social circle. Looking back, I realize how unhealthy that was and that he was such an attention seeker because he needed lots of validation. Having to date a guy like that? What a bore.
- It was easy for him to be the fun friend. He had to make less effort to keep his friendships going because he’d had them for most of his life. He could be his silly, stupid self, but that didn’t cut it as a boyfriend. For instance, as a boyfriend, he couldn’t be rude in a “joking way” and get away with it the way he did with his friends — though he did try and fail.
- His “amazing friendships” were intrusive. I thought it was great for this guy to have such cool friends and make them a priority. But then he made them too much of a priority, allowing them to overstep boundaries of our relationship. I remember how he always wanted to be with his friends, to the point that our dates really became group things instead of one-on-one quality time. I also remember how easily he was influenced by his friends and honestly chose them over me. It sucked.
- He showed me his crappy side. Being in a relationship with this guy meant that I saw the other sides of him that his friends didn’t, and it wasn’t all pretty. He was a bit of a brat and prone to childish mood swings. To acquaintances, he threw on the charm and fun, but behind the scenes, he couldn’t keep this mask on forever. I’d shake my head watching how he could be charming and cool in public and then a dark, moody guy in private with me.
- Relationships bring drama to the scene. There’s no doubt that relationships make deep-seated issues come to the surface. An ex-lover will bring up more emotional baggage than a friend, for instance. This guy had lots of negative relationships in his past and so he had a whole lot of trust and commitment issues. These obviously didn’t come up in his friendships, but they did in his relationship with me. To be honest, hearing about your friend’s drama is so much easier, and such a different ball game, than having to deal with living through that crap as someone’s girlfriend.